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Couldn't get it up. So humiliated..

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Re: Couldn't get it up. So humiliated..

Postby BeenThere101 » Tue Feb 16, 2016 6:01 pm

All - I've been meaning to write a comment on this for a long time, to share my experiences
about this situation with all the younger guys. Maybe it's too long, but maybe not. At 59
(feeling like I'm going on 30 half the time), maybe I can give some perspective.

I was a solid drug & alcohol user from 16-26yrs old, and got myself hepatitis C somewhere in
the process, which I didn't find out about until 20+ years later (typical) and was at stage 3 cirrhosis, i.e., on my way to dying. I've gotten cured in the past two years and an odd side benefit was that,
my blood flow through the liver picking up quickly again (amazing), the blood to my thing increased like mad too, to the point where I suddenly had, at 57, hard-ons more painful than
I remember them being in my teens! What a surprise. That should tell you something about what trashing your liver does to you (read: alcohol, fast food, speed, opiates, smog, you name it).

With that backdrop, what I wanted to say was that I've had plenty of times where I couldn't
get it up, probably at least thirty if I could even get a count, and there were two common factors, and only two, every time:

1- I was drugged/alcohol'd and/or fatigued (the hep alone will do this...combined with the
other two it is guaranteed)
2- I didn't really have a friendly connection with the girl, i.e. she wasn't a real friend I
cared about, and/or she wasn't interested in me BEING a friend to her,i.e. she just wanted a
machine

But very often, at least 50% of the time if I could guess, even the presence of #1 could be
overridden by the presence (I should say negative presence) of #2. I.e. if I really liked her and vice-versa, The Big Guy would always do his job, even if only for short term. There
was an additional benefit in having #2 established when going for it with the girl: she was
always forgiving and light about it. I've been married twice and had a few girlfriends. But
with both wives and one girlfriend who I was with long enough to have a track with, a
beautiful brunette with the most fantastic pair, it got to be a common joke between us.
Because of the crazy ups and downs with your metabolism and blood flow that hepatitis can
give you, even if I was feeling energetic starting out, after pumping away a few minutes, it
would die and I would collapse on top of her and we'd start laughing about it. And the
laughing, even if I happened to be actually tense about the failure, would get things going
again. The brunette girlfriend even had it measured out, she figured that the average sex
round was about 10 minutes, and she was totally happy with that. I.e., there was never any
pressure on me to bang her all night and "perform". We also used to have vodka drinking sessions regularly after work and even plastered I could most of the time give her a very nice workout, if short.

What I'm trying to say is that, in spite of whatever ED drugs will do for you functionally (I just read an article that implied that guys were being remiss if they didn't instantly make it to their doc to get some after a failure), in my experience good sex seems to require that the affinity ingredient be there. My most horrifying experience with ED was when I was just starting out with real sex. I'd had my very first woman one night, and lo, the very next night I took this much more gorgeous little thing out and she more or less dragged me into bed and whoa! I was so intimidated by her gorgeousness and desire, and that I went from zero sex to a different girl two nights in a row, that the damn thing just totally failed! I couldn't believe it, and that was forever proof to me that the "friend connection" had to be there first. A couple nights later on our very next time, I was hard as a rock. It is the same to this day. I am almost never any good with a new woman on the
first time, but if I continue with her long enough for a 2nd time in bed, then I'm there solid from then on out with her. Conversely, any time I ever tried to press myself mentally into the role of "stud" (ridiculous) and just think about my own pleasure, things broke down somewhere.

No b.s. here, as everyone knows, the truth is always weirder than fiction. Anyone who doesn't have the age thing to blame it on might want to think about the above. And even if you do have the age thing to blame it on, supposedly, is it age or all your body trashing you've been doing for years with no cleanse/detox programs to freshen you up? (or your selfish/stud attitude keeping a real friendship connection from happening?). And if you do have that odd moment of physio/mental distraction, remember that:

- if you can't laugh about it (goes with being able to laugh at yourself anytime, anywhere) and
- if she can't laugh about it with you,

...then sex sessions might always have a shadow waiting in the corner, and she's probably
not your girl "friend" yet. For the original poster here, maybe the attraction was there, but the friendship really wasn't, yet. No surprise on a first-night-stand, it has happened to me the same way per the above. Just my experience. Good luck,
ja

ps - if you haven't had a blood test in awhile, or ever, you should get one pronto. You
might have hep C or some other liver condition eating away at you and not know it. ANY blood
contact (common razor, common toothbrush, common nail clippers, common coke straw...) can
give it to you, if it has the least opening to your blood system. Hep C is almost total asymptomatic. That's why so many people die from it, when they finally find out, they're into stage 3 or 4 cirrhosis and goners. But the cures these days are much quicker and more effective, so don't get hopeless.
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Re: Couldn't get it up. So humiliated..

Postby Jbourne » Thu May 26, 2016 3:38 pm

Well I just lost an hours worth of typing my situation so I'll keep it short. Viagra, Cialis, testim, androgel, pellets, injections are all PATCHES and they do not help your sex drive or come close to fixing the problem. Exercise, sleep, and eating healthier is the key to success. Heal you body, then the mind and penis will follow. Trust me it works. You can't expect to perform like a 20 year old if you don't feel like one.
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Re: Couldn't get it up. So humiliated..

Postby Manchev » Tue Jul 24, 2018 11:44 am

You're not alone my dude. Same thing just happened to me 2 days ago...for the second time.
At 21 years old I've still remained a virgin since I haven't been able to get it up YET AGAIN and it is driving me crazy!

First time it was a year ago and I've went down the slump so bad, my self esteem plummeted, I checked so many forums, etc. and looking back and the things that happened I guess I was deemed to not get an erection back then. I did not feel attracted to the girl, it was a quick tinder date and she was just a chick I wanted to ###$. We had a couple more beers than usual that night ( that whole period of my life I had more alcohol than usual), I was nervous since I havent been this close with a woman before( Ive had the reputation of getting rejected a lot) and she was handing me pressure, telling me stuff like "arent you going to put the condom on?". The whole thing was a bummer.

I have changed since then. I feel better about myself, I have more clear passions, I don't drink alcohol as much as I used to, I could say that i am a pretty fit guy, I don't do drugs either. So I really don't know how it came to be.
I started dating this girl, she's really cool, really nice, the feelings are mutual and seriously, it took her a week to win me over, I cant stop thinking about her. 2 days ago on our third date we went clubbing, had a good time, danced a lot, made out even more, building up the moment for what we both know would come, we get in my car and start getting it on. Then it all fell down the drain when it happened...again.It stood soft. She tried giving me a blowjob, trying to get it up but nothing happened, it only even began pinching and hurting, similar to the feeling you get when you just ejaculated and keep going.
I drank little to no alcohol that night, hadnt jacked off in a week or so, I just cant explain this to myself. Is it because she was on her period and I was just too eager to get it on despite of the fact? Or my suspitions that I might be suffering from depression for a while now. Lately I get quite agressive when I have a drink or two, succumb to road rage, get annoyed quickly, often feel tired and just cba to socialize and prime my alone time. I haven't taken any medication or have myself checked ever. What advice could any of you give me?

P.s I really like this girl and i seriously havent so deeply in love before but I feel like I could be slowly losing her. We still text and hang out despite the stuff she told me that night (assuming we might not be fit for each other sexually and that sex is in fact a crutial part from a relationship).
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Re: Couldn't get it up. So humiliated..

Postby mf1438 » Fri Aug 03, 2018 9:34 pm

It happens to the best of us!

I use audio erotica and guided masturbation to combat ED. *mod edit*
Last edited by Snaga on Wed Sep 12, 2018 3:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: no personally identifying information, please
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