Infatuated with my little sister

Years ago, when I was 12, that's been 35yrs apprx., my sister and I were playing, wrestling, on her bed. She's much younger than me by 7yrs. I'd never thought of her in any kind of sexual way, but I realized she was getting aroused, and that was the first intimacy is ever experienced and we went with it for the next few yrs. I remember smoking weed out my br window, getting really horny and sneaking into her room while she slept. It was crazy bc at any time my dad could catch us and my life would be over. She liked it. You know when somebody is attracted and into you. She was. I tried to separate sister/w lover I guess. When she got a little older like 12, she ended our meet ups. I don't know why she never told me. Then I went to the army, she grew up into a ravishing beauty. Just like I saw her anyway. I remember on leave being alone with her on the couch watching tv. She was just starting to wear a bra and I wanted her. I think sure wanted me to see her as a woman and I did but was paralyzed with fear to do anything sexually with her. She asked me to massage her and I kick myself for not being forward with her that night. I was afraid. My question is this. Being attracted to ones sister isn't all that unusual, but my attraction is. There's a lot more I'm not saying. Her husband had a restraining order on me. Do you grow out of this. What do I do when she's the only thing that aroused me and I'm not that ashamed. I still want her.

No I've def been attracted to many other women in the past. But I'm married now, I've chosen not to cheat with anyone, however, my soul tie is to my sister. Just about every climax of mine involves a memory or a fantasy of my very hot little sister. It's just so unresolved for me. There have been times I was going too shot her down and tell her what's what but something either stored me, timing wasn't right etc. I hate it bc a lot of people know. She has to save face with what sure thinks others want to hear so I'm not getting her true feelings on everything. I am going to therapy, it's Christian counseling. Kind of awkward to talk about. What therapist should I look for and should I take a chance and sneak a message to her maybe we can correspond secretly? What y'all thnk

That bird h has flown the coop already. She knows, her husband knows...it's out there. I meant to delete a text I I'd wrote about my feelings but I accidentally sent it and her husband saw it first. He's got a restraining order on me which I don't blame him but yeah, it's a mess. It's been about a year since all that. I want to talk to her about all this but I fear not likely with the trouble I could face. I don't think therapy is working for me