help, WM 36, attracted to brother

I have an older brother, 38, and a younger brother, 34. I was adopted and so was my younger brother. Three years ago, I was contacted by a case worker from Catholic Charity Services and they told me they'd found my mom and that she wants to talk/meet me. I spoke to my mom and brothers over next couple of years a lot via video chat, voice chat, text chat. Everyone I spoke with for the first time, I let them know I was gay.

Earlier this year, I decided to travel to my birthplace, to meet my blood family. I stay with my mother almost the entire time I was down there (about 3.75 months).

My younger brother and I hung out a lot, doing drugs, getting to know each other, going on night-walks... I love him, as well as the rest of my family, but while I was down there visiting and ever since then I've had sexual desires for him. Nothing strange or incest ever happened between us because I could never bring myself to cross that forbidden line.

That hasn't stopped my from jerking off with fantasy of him. I can't stop thinking about him. I want it to stop. I feel disgusting when I think of my younger brother in that way which always turns into self-effacement and thoughts of killing myself. Which, in turn, morphs into substance abuse.

Have anyone else felt this way before? If so, what did you do about it going forward?

Hello, and welcome to the forums!

I do think doing drugs as a way to self-medicate is a mistake- and definitely doing drugs together!

On the one hand, he's blood kin; but he's also a stranger to you. I can see how the familiar, yet strange, could be attractive to a person.

I'm no expert, but I feel as if this might be treated as an infatuation that will hopefully fade over time. You understand that it would be a bad idea (is he even himself Gay?). I think merely having the thoughts is... I think you're being too hard on yourself, but then, I treat infatuation quite non-seriously. I have it, it fades.

I don't have any direct personal experience with this- I did have a step-sister who grew into a fairly attractive young woman and over the years I've had a few thoughts on and off. Nothing that overwhelmed me, however. Nothing I feel the need to feel guilty over even if woven into sexual fantasy- We're sexual beings I'm not going to be too hard on myself for having unrealised attractions.

Aside from the obsessional nature of it, I feel as if you are too hard on yourself- you're all adults, very much so- this is hardly some story of an older sibling corrupting the younger.


Have you considered, or had some counseling for this? It seems to me professional help wouldn't hurt, to try and help you get your mind off this.