Hi
I do not know, if this is the right forum, or if it should be in Anxiety. The problem concerns sexuality, but its roots are in my anxiety / social phobia / depression.
I am 35 yo, never had a girlfriend, have been to 3 dates (all of them ended badly for me), last of them like 10 years ago. I never kissed a girl, never had sex in my life. Years of loneliness made me who I am now. I am more afraid of being in a relation than dying lonely. I am emotionally numb in a way, can't bond emotionally with other people.
Unfortunately, I also have quite high sex drive, which is even strengthened by the world of sexuality we live in. It is everywhere, net, TV, adverts on streets - beautiful girls adverting lots of stuff, half naked, girls wearing minis, etc. On top of that, part of me, would like to have sex at least once in my life, to know what it feels like, not to die virgin, which I know is not going to happen stimulating my low self esteem and depression even further. I put down myself all the time. I am my worst enemy, I know it, yet I can't control it.
So, my question is, how do I kill my sex drive, how do I control it, how not to think about it and come to terms with the fact of dying a virgin. How to take sexuality out of the picture as much as possible to make my life a bit more bearable.
Please, no comments about getting help - meds, psychotherapy - and once I feel better, get a girlfriend, as that is out of question for me. Not gonna happen. Shyness / anxiety / social phobia are too severe to even go to a doctor to get help. I can write stuff online, being anonymously, but face to face discussion about it, even the thought of it is paralyzing for me.
Thx