Sexdrive kill

Hi

I do not know, if this is the right forum, or if it should be in Anxiety. The problem concerns sexuality, but its roots are in my anxiety / social phobia / depression.

I am 35 yo, never had a girlfriend, have been to 3 dates (all of them ended badly for me), last of them like 10 years ago. I never kissed a girl, never had sex in my life. Years of loneliness made me who I am now. I am more afraid of being in a relation than dying lonely. I am emotionally numb in a way, can't bond emotionally with other people.

Unfortunately, I also have quite high sex drive, which is even strengthened by the world of sexuality we live in. It is everywhere, net, TV, adverts on streets - beautiful girls adverting lots of stuff, half naked, girls wearing minis, etc. On top of that, part of me, would like to have sex at least once in my life, to know what it feels like, not to die virgin, which I know is not going to happen stimulating my low self esteem and depression even further. I put down myself all the time. I am my worst enemy, I know it, yet I can't control it.

So, my question is, how do I kill my sex drive, how do I control it, how not to think about it and come to terms with the fact of dying a virgin. How to take sexuality out of the picture as much as possible to make my life a bit more bearable.

Please, no comments about getting help - meds, psychotherapy - and once I feel better, get a girlfriend, as that is out of question for me. Not gonna happen. Shyness / anxiety / social phobia are too severe to even go to a doctor to get help. I can write stuff online, being anonymously, but face to face discussion about it, even the thought of it is paralyzing for me.

Thx

But if therapy/meds could help...

Don't get me wrong, I could use therapy, medications myself. But I don't. So I can't be harsh on you.

Still. You ought to consider it.

I was a late bloomer too. 35 isn't the end of the line. I didn't hardly date either. I don't have intense social phobia, but I definitely had issues with rejection, shyness, etc. But when I got tired enough of it, I ventured out. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You don't have to die a virgin.

Speaking of which, in some ways actually having sex is a bit of an anticlimax, after years of the hand, a vagina isn't... the same. But knowing what you're doing and that you've actually got it, inside another human being, well.... that'll make up for the lack of sensation, I'll wager.

Understand the fears of being in a relationship- a relationship can be hard work. And ciswomen are sometimes flat out incomprehensible- even to someone like me with a strong feminine personality, I'll be shaking my head trying to understand what a woman's thought process is. But once you can take the plunge, the value of companionship....

Still, that's something you have to want, more than your anxiety and issues with staying alone.

Sex drive... I don't have an answer. I know some men seek castration, chemical or otherwise. To safely do that, well, you will need to see a doctor. Maybe find something that can take your mind and energy away from sex.

But I'll argue all day that you simply must die a virgin... I don't think that is something written in stone.

I was in a similar situation. Back when you could find lots of girls on craigslist. Got a hot sex worker there. Found a real classy expensive one *mod edit*

Some common meds kill sex drive. Cimetidine or any other H2 blocker - available over the counter.

You didn't say but, do you masturbate? If not, I can see how all of the sexual stimulation in today's world could be really frustrating.

From my experiences, being horny only makes it worse. And ejaculating relieves the feelings of need.

If you haven't tried it, when you're extra frustrated, try simply making yourself ejaculate and remember how that feeling of need seems to mitigate.

If you can, try to find a method that helps you to ejaculate without needing the mental stimulation that you usually have. Something like a prostate stimulator might work.

Even if you might need to do it several times a day, it just might make life easier.