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Am I Asexual?

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Am I Asexual?

Postby sds » Sun Jul 08, 2018 9:46 pm

I've always struggled to form a sexual connection or bond with the girl I have been dating. I am 25, never had sex and get petrified when I come close to getting intimate. I get aroused when spooning, but things have never lead on further than that. Kissing freaks me out, because in my head it leads on to the next step. I'm not gay, I just can't bring myself to touch a lady in their intimate area. I have had 3 relationships that have never lasted longer than 5 months, because I can't move to the next step. My penis has gone flaccid when I have had the change to have intercause, of which I have purchased viagra, had an erection, but just can't bring myself to be intimate or touch the lady in her intimate areas. Is this some form of Asexuality?
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Re: Am I Asexual?

Postby Pikapiciu » Tue Jul 10, 2018 6:42 am

I perfectly understand as I'm living your same situation. Penis in working order yet can't get an erection whent it comes to getting intimate.
I dont' think it's asexuality as I understand that asexual people don't even experience attraction for anyone, nor do they feel desire, while we obviusly do. Our problem must be related to some form of anxiety. Maybe sex-aversion? I still haven't come up with a clear answer about myself.
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Re: Am I Asexual?

Postby MarkP » Wed Jul 11, 2018 1:47 pm

When I was a virgin, I had anxiety about even talking to a girl, let alone the physical activities. But when I found a girl I could talk easily with, it went ahead quickly. The first time we were in my room, we went from coffee to bed in an hour! The anxiety had gone, and I had no trouble penetrating her.

I think you must have a more severe form of my problem. I'm sure speaking to a counsellor would help: to identify the specific problem, and arrange to deal with it. Do please seek some help.
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Re: Am I Asexual?

Postby Snaga » Sun Jul 29, 2018 6:55 pm

Asexual is a pretty large umbrella. I've heard of people identifying as Asexual, who do have romantic feelings, but have no desire for sex.

Anxiety can sure be a boner-killer, agreed. I have performance anxiety- as Pikapiciu said. Everything works. But when it comes time to perform, it goes limp. And for me it takes really getting out of my head to make it work. Which is hard to do- trying to NOT think of something is really, really hard. But, as MarkP notes, it can be done, especially with the right person.
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Re: Am I Asexual?

Postby maree12 » Sat Aug 25, 2018 1:58 am

It sounds like you have performance anxiety more than anything else. If you have to do something that you have no experience in doing then you will naturally be nervous, and happily take any excuse to get out of it.
I am female, and before I learnt how to orgasm and therefore be a good lover, I did not enjoy sex, and happily dated guys who were not so interested either. Then I discovered the big O, and that meant I wanted to please the guy and so I started to enjoy sex, and so guys enjoyed sex with me. Maybe you just need to masturbate till you know that you can get an erection and cum every time, and that will give you the confidence with the girls and the desire because your mind and body will know what they are going to get, AND that you will be up to the challenge every time
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Re: Am I Asexual?

Postby Snaga » Mon Aug 27, 2018 12:56 am

maree12 wrote: Maybe you just need to masturbate till you know that you can get an erection and cum every time


With the caveat that you slack off when you are next with a girl that you think you have a shot with.

Frequent masturbation will kind of ruin you for the hand over anything else.

When I first had sex with a woman, I came quickly, because of the knowledge of what I was doing: omg I'm inside her!!!. The eroticism sent me over the edge pretty quick. But as far as sensation... years (and years, and years) of being tight-fisted meant that part of my brain was like, crap! I don't feel it??
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