Sexual Aversion Disorder?

by **charlottebronte** » Tue Sep 08, 2020 4:15 pm

hello,
this is not something I've ever done before but i need some answers from people who maybe can relate..... I'm 19 years old and I'm a lesbian and I've never been in a real, serious relationship. Most of that is, I think due to anxiety and internalized homophobia, etc. But physical intimacy beyond hugging, holding hands, small kisses, etc, scare the $#%^ out of me. I physically can't do it and I try and try but the second I start to try and actually make out with someone I can't and my body just pulls away. My brain wants to continue but its literally like my body is allergic to being close to other people. And don't even get me started on sex. As a queer woman I've really only ever seen people like me hyper sexualized by just about everyone and that alone makes it scary but add on the fact that I can barely even kiss people? An absolute disaster.

About a year ago I really felt like I was asexual, I was seeing someone but everytime she tried to make a move I would totally freak out and flee the scene. Obviously not ideal. But now I'm very casually seeing someone else and I'm fully attracted to her, physically and mentally, I want to be closer to her and have sex etc, but my body just won't allow it. I read about Sexual Aversion Disorder and that seems like maybe something that is going on, but i just really don't want that to be true.

i have always thought that when I met the right person all of this would stop, and not to say that this new girl is my soulmate, but she is the person that I do want to be able to do this with.

what do I do?

Oh well, that would have been easy if you'd been somewhere under the bisexual umbrella- you would not be the first person to have differing romantic vs sexual desires. With neither sex ticking all the boxes off. That is me, to some extent, although I've seen far worse cases of that in forum.

I'm born male, so I can only speak from a having boy bits perspective- for guys, sexual anxiety, once suffered, is hard as hell to get your mind out of. Does not matter how much you want that other person and how frisky your nethers are in the runup to getting down and dirty, once you get there... ugh. Crash and burn.

Not an exact analogy to what you're experiencing as a girl, but still, sexual anxieties can become deep seated and hard to knock down. You wouldn't tend to show OCD tendencies, would you? You did mention anxiety.

As far as internalized homophobia... do you struggle with the reality of being lesbian? I mean do you dislike the fact you are? Were you brought up that it's wrong, or immoral? Something deep seated that would cause that drive to back off, when things get real with another girl?

I'm Bi, and don't like it- but at the same time, I mean I would vigorously resist being changed, even if there were a magic pill that could do so, because I'd be losing part of what makes me, me. For me that would manifest itself more as just being generally angsty, however. And not necessarily what you're experiencing- I DO have sex anxiety but it's more a performance anxiety and I really don't think it'd matter what sex the other person was... although it did start as concern over my sexuality. But I've found from my own experience, and the OCD forum (which I mod), that the least little worry can morph into something that ceases to have anything to do with an original anxiety- just feeds on itself after a while it seems.

Sexual Aversion Disorder?

Sexual Aversion Disorder?

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