Our partner

I cannot have sex

Sexual Disorder NOS message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderators: Snaga, Tyler

Forum rules
You are entering a forum that contains discussions of a sexual nature, some of which are explicit. The topics discussed may be offensive to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum.

I cannot have sex

Postby exul » Thu Jan 09, 2020 11:11 am

Hello. I don't know if this is the right place to ask, but honestly I am so fed up with this that I'm probably doing this out of impulse. I know people here cannot diagnose me, but just knowing that some people might have the same experience is so comforting most of the times.

So, I cannot have sex. In every shape or form. I cannot masturbate either. I am more than fine with physical contact from anyone, it doesn't bother me a single bit; in fact people know that I'm a pretty warm person.
I changed 5 therapists in the course of my life; they all know about this, but they were never able to give me an answer or advice about this (not their fault, I'm confused about this myself). One of them thought I had borderline personality disorder, but it doesn't fit with a too long list of stuff, and she only knew me for 2 sessions, so I didn't bother going on that path.

I'll briefly describe here what happens when I try to actively follow my attraction towards someone (always male): I meet the person, and I like him. I feel attracted sexually (not necessarily romantically), and I fantasise about them. If the person doesn't like me back, I feel frustrated, but it's fine; nothing abnormal happens. We remain friends. If the person likes me back, the problem arises. If I manage to get with them, have physical contact with them that is not sexual, I'm usually fine. I feel good, except for a little anxiety (the anxiety never happens with people that are not attracted to me). If we go further (e.g. kissing), I start to feel bad. Really bad. I get nausea, anxiety attacks, and I am filled with fear and disgust afterwards. I cannot see the person anymore as they are, but I only see them as this 2D figure that just wants to hurt me and only follows his desires. If I am with the person when this happens, I start to dissociate so hard I forget that I have a body and I go limp. I cannot un-see this, unless I stop seeing and having contact with them for a while (days, weeks). Then I start to feel safe again.
I'll illustrate this with an example just to make this better understandable: I have a colleague at work. I am attracted to him, I fantasise about him. We are really just friends, but we get along pretty well. Recently I noticed he's being slightly warmer towards me, and he kissed me on the cheek for some reason (in our culture this is no big deal, but it's usually done for a reason, and not apparently out of the blue). I noticed small changes in his way of behaving towards me that gave me the feeling that he's trying to get closer to me (could be totally wrong, this is just how I feel). When I noticed it, I started feeling disgust and uneasiness. I felt on edge. I managed to make this go away because he didn't touch me or did anything like it, but I know it will come back if he does something again.

I'm telling this here because I keep having sexual dreams every night, and it's bothering me that my mind seems to try to tell me something. I know that sexual dreams are normal in the mornings cause of the REM phase being more present and all, but still I never had this many sexual (and frustrating) dreams.
I thought about going to a sex therapist, but I really don't know if that could help.

Thank you to anyone who read this.
Body: 20, f
Posters:
Mi (12/14, non-binary), Guardian/Jason (40ish, m), Nico (35, m), Nathan (25ish, m), Xavier (15, m).

Others:
Benedict (42, m), JR (27, m), Leo (19, m), Rebecca (14/16, f), Miles (8, m), Little Girl/Ari (7, f), Viola (5, f), 0 (m), (...)
User avatar
exul
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 181
Joined: Wed Jun 06, 2018 3:41 pm
Local time: Sun Jan 26, 2020 12:34 am
Blog: View Blog (8)


ADVERTISEMENT

Return to Sexual Disorder NOS Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 14 guests