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Fear of Intimacy

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Fear of Intimacy

Postby Devi777 » Wed Nov 13, 2019 8:22 am

It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized my fears had a name. Haphephobia. I thought I was simply odd and just didn’t like being touched. As far as I’m aware it didn’t stem from any event of trama, it was always there. Even the touch of my own mother could be uncomfortable. Being touched by a male was absolutely unbearable and could be felt even after the actual touch ended.

After realizing my issues I’ve fought hard to combat it. By extreme exposure I can now tolerate hugs to some extent and a casual hand on the shoulder no longer sends me shrinking away. But there is one big issue I’m still having. Intimacy. I’ve made it 25 years without so much as holding hands with a guy(I’m a hetro female) and quite frankly it’s been torture. It’s extremely hard to crave intimate touch but also be terrified of it.

I have a fairly high sex drive and have no issues talking about sex. But my phobia of touch has completely scared me off from perusing any option I have of romance. Waiting for some relationship to come along with someone I can slowly trust doesn’t seem to be working. I’ve been toying with the idea of having a one night stand with some random stranger I will hopefully never see again to “just get over it” but haven’t been able to convince myself yet.

It’s not that I’m trying to rush this but I’m just sorta fed up. Maybe if I can force my way through this hang up all at once I’ll stop being so anxious and be able to peruse finding someone. Part of my hang up is likely that I was raised very Christian. While I’m not now I still have this little voice in the back of my head saying that being so flippant with my virginity is quite shameful. Any other advice? Has anyone dealt with this?
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Re: Fear of Intimacy

Postby Snaga » Wed Nov 13, 2019 3:40 pm

Well, I tend towards caution, and the idea that a person's first time ought to result in pleasant memories. So yeah I tend towards not having a random hookup... Granted I've had sex on the second date, but it was at least, a date. And I'm still with them many years later :)
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