Anxiety attacks during sex

Hi everyone,

I'm a 20 year old girl and I sometimes get anxiety/panic attacks during sex. I've been having sex for about three and a half years now and these panic attacks have been occurring for about two and half years since the beginning of my second relationship. To my knowledge I have never been abused or raped.

In a regular relationship they probably occur around once a month (and it has nothing to do with my cycle). They are more likely to occur when I'm thinking about my fears, when I'm stressed or tired, have been drinking or in general don't want to make out or have sex. I can and do enjoy sex on a regular basis.

I just a general feeling of fear. I becone incredibly aware of the situation around me and incredibly sensitive to almost any touch. At the same time, I feel incredibly vulnerable and simply not safe, no matter who I'm with. I might trust that person with my life, but in that moment I can not trust them to touch me, I think out of fear of getting hurt. I don't necessarily feel like I need to get away from them as long as they don't continuously touch me and trigger me.

This anxiety (whatever you want to call it) can occur pretty much at any time during intimate contact. I've had them occur when someone was simply lying next to me with their hand on my hip, while making out, during oral sex, during sex, and before, during and after orgasm. It doesn't really matter.

I recently discovered, through having someone play around with my triggers in a safe environment, that it seems to be linked to pentrative sex and not necessarily the action but the simple thought or image of it. It just seems that if I visualize what is happening or could happen even for a moment, my fear will trigger. If I simply think of the feeling it gives me I'm fine though. I'm not certain if this is always the case or not, but it's as far as I've gotten.

These attacks are incredibly frustrating to both me and any parter I might have. Does anyone have any pointers or advice?

Thank you in advance,
Have a lovely day,

Sky

A little late to the party, but Hello....

Well the kneejerk reaction I and others reading, will be.. you sure you hadn't been sexually abused? Admittedly, a convenient explanation... still, it seems as if something might have traumatised you at some point.

That's why I specifically highlighted it. To my knowledge I have not been abused in any way shape or form.

Heck maybe it was just something someone said once, or that you'd read about or seen on television, that might be the source of the anxiety- something that made you fearful of penetration for some reason. I know I... can really latch onto something and fear it, just from having heard about it. I was very adept at doing that, as a child. Still pretty good at it, to be honest.