I don't want to be a sex offender

I'm a 20yo college student with a seemingly normal life. My grades are pretty good, I make a good amount of money each month and almost everyone I interact with seems to trust me (friends, teachers even strangers).

I've had one serious relationship while I was in highschool which lasted for about 4 years. Ever since, I've abstained from sex in order to focus on my academic achievements and financial status. In the past two or three years, I've had maybe 4-5 attempts to build a healthy relationship with a girl. Needless to say, every single one of them was a bit of a mess and resulted in me having 0 sex.

I went through depression and anxiety caused by another issue of mine which was hypochondria at the time only to find myself being reckless and sexually lustful.

The first thing I noticed it was wrong with me was that I had started to take creepshots of girls I found attractive on the street, at school etc. That went away, but masturbating and fantasizing about girls I knew was a legit sport for me. Their social media profiles were the El Dorado for my sexual appetite. Everything was fap material, I could literally jerk it to a picture of a cute girl in a ski suit.

So, I started looking for people just like me, creeps who had nothing better to do with their lives but to stalk beautiful looking women. I did find them and it was all fun and games until, out of my characteristic poor judgement, I exposed some girls I knew on a public forum. The emotional and psychological impact that reckless act had on me was unimaginable. I couldnt even breathe properly thinking that one day, the girls I exposed would find out about what I did and call their boyfriends/families to hang me or to take legal action against me; whatever worked for them.

Fast forward 3 months and the forum in cause is dead because it wasn't exactly filled with the nicest of people (some had rape/snuff fantasies or even worse) but the scars still remain and I'm still fantasizing obsessively over these girls, all of which have boyfriends. I have folders filled with their pictures, some photoshopped in porn scenes, some with them receiving facials form fake dicks.. you get the point. Nothing changed, except never will I ever expose or degrade anyone in public, knowing the harmful effect it had on my mental state.

I even went to a psychiatrist appointment and all he had to tell me was to go see a priest and pray... But I think my situation is far worse than that and there is potential of ruining everything I've built so far: friendships, academic achievements and I might even lose my family's trust in me in the event that the forum comes back up and someone bothers with finding out who posted those pictures in there.

What should I do in order to get rid of these obsessive thoughts and creepy/stalkerish behavior which might in the end lead to more serious stuff?

How have you been feeling since your post? I'm glad to hear you'll keep details about women private, going forward. But it would be much better, yes, if you could wean yourself off the photo collecting, photoshopping, etc. I don't think it's healthy, especially not when it involves people you actually know, not random photos on the internet. I know it's terribly hard to quit bad sexual habits.

That person you saw, who only advised to and see a priest- that was very unprofessional and unhelpful! Please, if you are able to, consider seeing others therapists/Pdocs until you find someone that can work with you to change this behaviour. While I don't think folks should beat themselves up over the past, the only way to get this behind you, is going to have to involve not doing it anymore. I know you want to change- don't take such a terrible, lazy response from someone who's supposed to be being paid to help you, as the last word. Frankly I'm more upset with them, than with you.

Hi, thank you for taking time and reading my post! I have already deleted my picture collection (wasn't anything huge, somewhere around 20-30 pics of 3-4 girls that really turned me on) along with all the photoshopped material. Of course, I might relapse but for now I hope it won't happen.

I'm still struggling with the urge of not jacking of to every attractive woman I see on social media, but it's getting better. I've been so busy with studying and other related paperwork that I've started thinking seriously about doing the NoFap challenge... I mean I'm on my fourth day of abstaining from it so why not go for it, see how far I can go lol. If I keep myself busy all day long and interact with as many girls as possible, it's not even that hard.

The psychiatrist in cause was working for a private hospital network and it was quite expensive, around 120$ for a 20 min talk and some $#%^ advice. In all honesty, I would've preferred being given some real diagnosis instead of him just telling me it's not that big of a deal exposing/humiliating women, fantasizing about them is just a sin, nothing more.

Oh well, right now all I can do is make sure I stay away from this kind of unhealthy behavior, including forums/websites which promote it. I can't just beat myself over something I've done and I must get over the fact that the site might come back along with the content I've posted. Going out and talking to girls which I like/eventually getting a girlfriend might be my only way of snapping out of these creepy tendencies.

He suggested it wasn't a big deal? Hmm.

Personally I think fantasizing about someone you know/know of is harmless, but the PhotoShopping is perhaps a bit out of bounds. And ofc sharing them online.

But you know that, and are sorry for having done it. Aside from ceasing to PhotoShop/share, I don't feel you should continue to beat yourself up. It's done. The site is gone, i suspect it shall remain so.

The nofap sounds like a really good idea. Try to reset your libido. Please update this thread as it progresses!

Taking pictures of women and girls is creepy but not really a sex offense. Wanting to see adult women naked or college girls naked is perfectly normal.

I would suggest not taking voyeur pictures in public because you can get indecent exposure and a peeping tom charge.

But going on the beach or looking at hot girls in class and masturbating about them is just risky but not offensive.