Wanting to mastrubate at the wrong time

I have a problem, or well I had a problem mostly but it is still there to some small degree, when I was 8-11 years old. Can't even talk to my psychologist about it.

Mastrubated a lot compulsively at that age, still do but it was out of control by then. My famiy caught me all the time, my relatives at our summer place, people in public... I was just a kid with no idea of that stuff, it was innocent but I try to repress it now.

When it caught up to me that it was embarassing I tried to quit several times. But then the urges became so strong that I gave in and did it where there was not the right time and place. Like in the backseat while mom was driving.

There are a lot of occations and 80% of them are from a young age. But I want the fear of maybe pulling it out in public gone completely. It's not about showing off but I am comfortable with my size so it's not that I embarass myself in that respect.. It's more that I try to conceal it but in the end, when I have the compulsion I don't care much.

So I struggled with an urge to mastrubate no matter where and when at times. Not because I was turned on by something but because I wanted the stimulation and the ejaculation.

I have done it in public yes. And there is much self-loathing for this..

I have psychiatric diagnoses, maybe a relevant medical diagnosis, experiences when young that are relevant but is there a quick fix?

I want self control and the self respect of not mastrubating or having sex (also done that but only like 3 times) in public.

Expert advice?

Anyone with the same struggle?

Don't ask me to seek medical help, I don't want antipsychotics for hypersexuality

First, I don't think that antipsychotic medications would help you. I think that you need more behavioral help. Is there a quick fix? No, there never is. Change isn't easy, it takes time and work. If you really want to change, though, you have to put in that work and time.

Second, beating yourself up isn't helpful. You said that this was something that went on when you were 8-11. That is pretty young. coming down on yourself over something you did at that age isn't going to help you, now. Do you still do this? How old are you, now? Was age 11 the last time you did it?

I have the urge to masturbate at the wrong times, too. I know I did it, a lot, when I was very young (ages 2 - 5; it was very public, I would just start doing it wherever I was). Even at an older age (5 - I did it at the wrong time/place (in the classroom, in the car, in the living room with my family around). Since then I have done it mostly in privacy, but I have done it in "semi-public" places (the back of a Greyhound bus covered with my coat; a nearly empty movie theater with no one around me). I have also done it in the bathroom stalls, when the bathroom was empty (but, honestly, I don't really see that as "public" since no one else was around). For me, when I have done it in public, it was about having an orgasm, but it was mostly about anxiety and making myself feel less anxious. Do you feel that way when you do it?

Personally, I see absolutely nothing wrong with masturbating (for myself, I am not going to stop), but it needs to be done in private. Don't stop yourself from masturbating, just postpone it until you are in an appropriate place. It will probably be easier to postpone it than it will be to stop it. That is what I try to do, anyway.

You say it's just about wanting to do it? But surely the inappropriate situation is a turn on, too? I mean, taboo is like bacon... everything's better with bacon...

I don't know if this is how lonRboi2003 feels, but for me the inappropriate situation is a turn-on, but I also know it is a problem. It is scary and that is a part of the turn-on, but also I know I could get into real trouble for it. At least, for now, the trouble has been outweighing the turn-on.