I have a problem, or well I had a problem mostly but it is still there to some small degree, when I was 8-11 years old. Can't even talk to my psychologist about it.
Mastrubated a lot compulsively at that age, still do but it was out of control by then. My famiy caught me all the time, my relatives at our summer place, people in public... I was just a kid with no idea of that stuff, it was innocent but I try to repress it now.
When it caught up to me that it was embarassing I tried to quit several times. But then the urges became so strong that I gave in and did it where there was not the right time and place. Like in the backseat while mom was driving.
There are a lot of occations and 80% of them are from a young age. But I want the fear of maybe pulling it out in public gone completely. It's not about showing off but I am comfortable with my size so it's not that I embarass myself in that respect.. It's more that I try to conceal it but in the end, when I have the compulsion I don't care much.
So I struggled with an urge to mastrubate no matter where and when at times. Not because I was turned on by something but because I wanted the stimulation and the ejaculation.
I have done it in public yes. And there is much self-loathing for this..
I have psychiatric diagnoses, maybe a relevant medical diagnosis, experiences when young that are relevant but is there a quick fix?
I want self control and the self respect of not mastrubating or having sex (also done that but only like 3 times) in public.
Expert advice?
Anyone with the same struggle?
Don't ask me to seek medical help, I don't want antipsychotics for hypersexuality