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In constant doubt over sexual orientation, possibly bi?

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In constant doubt over sexual orientation, possibly bi?

Postby bken » Wed May 17, 2017 3:06 pm

Hi

I"m a 29-year-old male and have been doubting my sexual orientation since puberty. I learned I like both genders, that I can get aroused by both women (some) and men (more) at a young age. But I can't seem to make up my mind.
I've only fallen in love with women, but it feels like I prefer men sexually. I have no idea. I've had sex with women, which was okay, but never with another man, although I fantasize about that most of the time whilst masturbating. I honestly don't know what to think anymore. I like the thought of having sex with both genders but I'm just so unsure. When I watch porn I'm focused on the guys and can't seem to figure out who I'm jealous of most. Honestly I'm jealous of both and have a hard time figuring out who's hotter at times. I don't like gay porn but I don't like lesbian porn either. Basically I like (most) penises, six packs and other men parts more than I like boobs which, of course, has to mean I'm not straight. I'd kiss a man if he's okay and I'm sure I'd be all over him submissively. I like older men and masturbating to them is a huge turn on, more so than masturbating to women.

Basically it feels as if life would be easier if I could switch gender from time to time. I'm capable of having sex with most women I guess, but I have a certain type of men I like, sexually. Can't see myself falling for a man romantically. My sexual preference, in my mind, seems like an on and off switch between both genders. The more I accept these desires, the hotter men seem to become in my eyes. I can't seem to shut up about men but I love women so much too and sometimes it feels as if I'm more attracted to women. That's when I pretend I'm straight. It's as if I wouldn't want to be asked to choose. I'd probably like to have both genders in my life. Am I bi?
I've thought these desires would fade but they don't and I'd like to move on. It's as if I feel stuck somehow. I've been battling severe anxiety and don't know if the doubts could have something to do with it.

Sometimes I wonder whether my desires are just fantasies but they seem to be way too frequent. I'm seriously considering to act upon these desires. I think of both women and men as hot, although it feels as if my heterosexual side is more natural, and I feel like I'm denying my gay side most of the time, although I'd really like to embrace it because the feelings are very pleasurable. They say that most men have the occasional same sex fantasy but mine are like a constant thing. Having been raised with religion and thinking of myself as a sinner constantly doesn't help either.

For what it's worth, my brother is a gay man. A congenital disease runs in the family and I can't help but wonder if nature's trying to get rid of it by making us (partly) gay??

Personality-wise I like both feminin and masculin activities. I'd have no problem with being a woman I think. Deep down I want to be a women honestly, I love women. And I like my type of man.

Thanks for your opinions!
Ken
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Re: In constant doubt over sexual orientation, possibly bi?

Postby KSalem » Tue May 23, 2017 3:34 am

bken wrote:Hi

I"m a 29-year-old male and have been doubting my sexual orientation since puberty. I learned I like both genders, that I can get aroused by both women (some) and men (more) at a young age. But I can't seem to make up my mind.
I've only fallen in love with women, but it feels like I prefer men sexually. I have no idea. I've had sex with women, which was okay, but never with another man, although I fantasize about that most of the time whilst masturbating. I honestly don't know what to think anymore. I like the thought of having sex with both genders but I'm just so unsure. When I watch porn I'm focused on the guys and can't seem to figure out who I'm jealous of most. Honestly I'm jealous of both and have a hard time figuring out who's hotter at times. I don't like gay porn but I don't like lesbian porn either. Basically I like (most) penises, six packs and other men parts more than I like boobs which, of course, has to mean I'm not straight. I'd kiss a man if he's okay and I'm sure I'd be all over him submissively. I like older men and masturbating to them is a huge turn on, more so than masturbating to women.

Basically it feels as if life would be easier if I could switch gender from time to time. I'm capable of having sex with most women I guess, but I have a certain type of men I like, sexually. Can't see myself falling for a man romantically. My sexual preference, in my mind, seems like an on and off switch between both genders. The more I accept these desires, the hotter men seem to become in my eyes. I can't seem to shut up about men but I love women so much too and sometimes it feels as if I'm more attracted to women. That's when I pretend I'm straight. It's as if I wouldn't want to be asked to choose. I'd probably like to have both genders in my life. Am I bi?
I've thought these desires would fade but they don't and I'd like to move on. It's as if I feel stuck somehow. I've been battling severe anxiety and don't know if the doubts could have something to do with it.

Sometimes I wonder whether my desires are just fantasies but they seem to be way too frequent. I'm seriously considering to act upon these desires. I think of both women and men as hot, although it feels as if my heterosexual side is more natural, and I feel like I'm denying my gay side most of the time, although I'd really like to embrace it because the feelings are very pleasurable. They say that most men have the occasional same sex fantasy but mine are like a constant thing. Having been raised with religion and thinking of myself as a sinner constantly doesn't help either.

For what it's worth, my brother is a gay man. A congenital disease runs in the family and I can't help but wonder if nature's trying to get rid of it by making us (partly) gay??

Personality-wise I like both feminin and masculin activities. I'd have no problem with being a woman I think. Deep down I want to be a women honestly, I love women. And I like my type of man.

Thanks for your opinions!
Ken


I think most people are on a spectrum between straight and gay. You're just closer to the middle. That seems totally normal to me. The problem I think you'll face is committing to one person in a loving relationship. In other words, can you leave the other gender behind?
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Re: In constant doubt over sexual orientation, possibly bi?

Postby Snaga » Wed May 24, 2017 3:47 am

That is a problem-I'm close to the middle of the spectrum, and I don't think I can ever feel complete. Generally society expects us to pick a side and then be in a monogamous relationship. For some of is that's not without a lot of angst.
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Re: In constant doubt over sexual orientation, possibly bi?

Postby bken » Thu Jun 01, 2017 9:16 am

I'm sure that if I were free to choose, I'd probably want to be female. Physically my attraction to the male gender is just too strong to ignore. I also like the thought of caring for men I like.

I don't know how it is with others but to me women all more or less look alike, whereas men seem to be more unique, have more personality.

Simply put I love women but I like men. I could possibly love the right man. I really think I am bi and I'm okay with it. But it's hard because of the labels and constant doubt.
Having sex with a man I like has been a desire of mine for the past 15 years. All I know is that I'm definitely not straight and I don't want to be. Perhaps it's time to embrace my true nature and to identify as bi for good. I"ve always thought I'm straight and that it's just a phase but it can't be. Right after climax whilst fantasizing I do feel a bit of shame and remorse but my attraction to men never goes away. In fact it keeps getting stronger and I can't just pretend it will go away anymore. I like who I am but I fear what society and religion would think of me. The thought of a god sending us to hell for what we really want is frightening. Even if I tried I don't think these desires will ever go away. On the inside I'm definitely female to some degree, probably more than I am male.

In an ideal world I'd probably be in different relationships with different people.

Being bi feels like both a curse and a blessing. It would be easier if everyone was.
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Re: In constant doubt over sexual orientation, possibly bi?

Postby Snaga » Fri Jun 02, 2017 7:43 am

Yes, it definitely feels like a blessing, and a curse.

Leaving aside the religious implications -and yes, it is at odds with my spiritual upbringing- , it irritates me that a large bulk of society expects-demands- us to pick a team. And despite the B in LGBT, it's not just Heteros that look askance at bisexuality...

It is something, that I wouldn't wish on anyone. But I don't want to change, either. To only be attracted to one gender is something I'm just not wired for. It would seem one dimensional, like part of my brain gone. Like being lobotomized.

Like you, I used to beat myself up for being physically attracted to men. Then the inevitable wondering if I am gay- despite all the evidence that I'm attracted to women... then getting into relationships with women, thinking ' it will pass'... Well no, it doesn't. Doesn't go away.

Hopefully you'll begin to at least feel better about yourself. I know, the first time I admitted to my self- with sincerity- I'm Bisexual - I immediately felt as if a cloud of doubt had lifted off me.

But it's rough. Bisexuality is, from what I can tell, never fully accepted by straights or gays. Because we don't fit into a neat box.

Hugs! And welcome from one Bi to another.
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Re: In constant doubt over sexual orientation, possibly bi?

Postby LovelyBones1979 » Wed Jan 03, 2018 7:22 pm

I am under the impression that the real number of bisexual people is over 5% of the total population. Most bi people won't reveal their true identities for social reasons.
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Re: In constant doubt over sexual orientation, possibly bi?

Postby Snaga » Wed Feb 21, 2018 1:42 am

I've been led to believe that, among males, anyway, something other than practically straight, is like 20% give or take, and out of that, mostly or all gay would be about 5-7%? With the rest of that 20% being somewhat to significantly bisexual. Seems like more, because the popular media shoves gay-gay-gay at us all the time, but that's the figures I've seen. But yeah we stay largely hidden and I think a lot of bi guys will present as either straight or gay because of the bias towards a sexual orientation binary.
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Re: In constant doubt over sexual orientation, possibly bi?

Postby Featherandink » Sat Jan 26, 2019 7:22 pm

I quite have the same problem. I'm a woman though. I've dated several men in my life. Right now, I've been in a relationship with the same man for about three years. But I feel sexually more attracted to women. Although, when it comes to romantic feelings, I tend to have them more towards men. I felt romantically attracted to only one woman until now, and we could not be together for some reasons. I've already had some sexual experiences with women (but I was quite young and I was like some "games/experimentations"). I also have some intimate experiences with men but. When it comes to sex, with, you know, the intercourse, I just can't. I'm like terrified of it. It's like something is blocked in my head and I don't know why. Anyway. I think I don't know if I'm only attracted to women (although I do have romantic feelings for men, I really do love my current boyfriend. And I want this relationship to go somewhere, it's a serious one) OR, if I'm attracted to both gender and I'm only too afraid of sex with men for the moment (like some phobia after a trauma that I "forgot"). But the thing is, when I'm thinking about it, even without the fear thing, I'm not sure if I could properly choose between men and women. I'm rather monogam, I can't love two men or two women at the same time. But sometimes it happens that I love a man, and a woman at the same time. I've never been unfaithful though. When I'm with a man, I think of having sex with a woman. But when I think of going out with a woman, I miss the idea of a relationship with a man. It's really frustrating.
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