not addicted to sex, but to men

A couple of years ago I realized I have some sort of addiction to men. I'm a heterosexual female and have been "boy crazy" since I was a child. I think I've always been a sexual person. But as I grew older, I hardwired my brain in a very unhealthy way. Men have become like a drug to me. I can't just simply see a man. I see men and without thinking, my body reacts. I weigh his attractiveness in my mind, and if I find him attractive, I get a "hit" like a drug. I become aroused. I fantasize about him. The halo effect is very strong: because he's attractive, he's therefore smart, funny, kind, a good kisser, etc. But I don't know that any of that is true, I don't even know the guy.

If he's attractive, I automatically want to date him. It's ridiculous and disgusting. It's like when we were in middle school. You had a crush, and you probably didn't really even know the person but you wanted to be with them. But I shouldn't want to date him - I don't even know him! And purely because he's physically attractive!? What if he's a racist, or a homophobe, or a criminal? But I don't think of that. I see a guy and my mind just reacts.

I really hate who I've become. For a long time, I stopped looking at men. Especially their faces. I would avoid them. If I had to talk to a man, I would look down at his chest or something. This was a sort of cognitive-behavioral trick I tried.

I've been like a walking, slobbering vagina. Just constantly ogling men. I objectified them like the worst type of men do to women. I hate that my mind and body betray me. I wish I could just see a guy, and have him be a guy, no emotions or sensations or daydreams. I wish I could see men like I see women. I don't get a physical reaction when I see women.

I know it's normal for many people to see someone attractive while walking along the street and fantasize. But I've really conditioned myself to do this to the point that it's extreme. I don't want to see a hot guy and wonder if he thinks I'm hot too, or worst want to date him automatically.

Can anyone else out there relate, or have something to share/say?

I've gotten to the point where I envy people who aren't sexually attracted to others. You know how some people are terrified to get close to someone else? I couldn't be further from that. I've gone the past decade on a non-stop hunt, desperately trying to attach to men. Pleading for their attention and praise. Giving up my body, my self-esteem...and reverting back to a lizard brain of sorts.

Thanks for reading. Hope to hear from someone. I know this all sounds weird. I hope I explained it well.

I don't get as turned on as you do when I see women in my daily life, but after reading your post I realized that I do quickly evaluate most if not all women I encounter as a potential sexual partner. It just takes a second or two and I can file away in my mind if I would want to have sex with her. I'm thinking that it's just a mating instinct that in hard wired in our DNA.

Searching4Soulmate wrote:I realized that I do quickly evaluate most if not all women I encounter as a potential sexual partner. It just takes a second or two and I can file away in my mind if I would want to have sex with her. I'm thinking that it's just a mating instinct that in hard wired in our DNA.

I'm bisexual sorta male who actually leans more towards same-sex sexual desires but yeah if it's a girl I'm going to look- I think it is very hard-wired.

To the OP, welcome to life as a typical man!

I don't get as turned on as you do when I see women in my daily life, but after reading your post I realized that I do quickly evaluate most if not all women I encounter as a potential sexual partner. It just takes a second or two and I can file away in my mind if I would want to have sex with her. I'm thinking that it's just a mating instinct that in hard wired in our DNA.[/quote]