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My son came on to me tonight... please help :(

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Re: My son came on to me tonight... please help :(

Postby eric555 » Sat Dec 07, 2013 5:14 am

weirdedout wrote:My son is 20 and lives with his father. His father and I have been separated for about a year and a half. My son comes over for dinner every other week or so. Tonight we were watching a movie and he was laying down on the couch and I was sitting on the edge of the couch. He put his feet on my leg, and a few times his foot crept to my crotch area and he sort of rubbed slowly. I was in sort of disbelief so I told him "hey move your foot
I don't know if this helps but I have read where there are people-blood relatives like bros and sisters or whatever who are in a sexual loving relationship. I'm not suggesting you do that and I'm not one of those but apparently for some people it's an okay thing. So it is out there. Maybe knowing this will take some of the shock out of it for you. John Phillips of the Mama's and Pappa's group had a sexual relationship with his daughter Makenzie and as far as I know she let it happen. I guess if you don't want it to happen you don't let situations occur where he can continue. Any less than that and he will take it that maybe you are interested. I wouldn't think of it as a horrible thing. Just not something you want.
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Re: My son came on to me tonight... please help :(

Postby isaiah1038 » Sat Mar 29, 2014 7:30 pm

You should understand where your son is coming from. He probably has what is known as an Oedipus Complex. I would know, as I too have one. Basically, somebody who has an Oedipal Complex develops a strong attraction to their mother. This is usually caused by a missing father figure while growing up, separation anxiety, and a number of other causes. I am sorry that your son acted on his lusts like that, but try to be understanding. Having this complex is a heavy burden, as I have already tried to kill myself twice because of it. Talk to him about it, it will make things easier. Best of luck to you. :)
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Re: My son came on to me tonight... please help :(

Postby wierdedout2 » Thu Jul 06, 2017 3:18 am

I'm having this problem as well.... but my son is 28 !! I'm at a loss as to what to do. It happened out of the blue. He lives in another state and came to visit I have a tiny house and the only option was for him to sleep on the floor. As the night wore on he became uncomfortable and I have a double bed and said if he wanted he could just share the bed with me. Which he did. Then he started spooning me. Which I said, to stop it ! He said oh ok sorry. But I woke up to him rubbing himself on my backside and had his hand up my shirt. I was so shocked I didn't know what to do . I froze and rolled over and pushed him away and made sure pillows were between us. As the morning came on he started getting more pushy and at one point tried to climb on top of me. I tried to laugh it off by saying, "oh you cuddle bug. " and pushed him off the bed. That seemed to stop that interaction. But later that day he was watching tv and I was working on the computer and I noticed him stroking himself and then I said, "STOP that ! " He chuckled and acted embarrassed and went to the bathroom. He left later that day to go home as planned and we never talked about it. I'm not sure how to talk about this with him but I feel really shocked and appalled and I just don't know what to do or what to say. I have no idea what has fueled this behavior but it's made me feel so unsafe around him and I hate that feeling. I don't want to make excuses for him but could it have been he was sleeping and didn't know he was doing that?? The stroking deal could be he forgot I was there???? I have 3 other grown children (he's in the middle). I haven't mentioned this to anyone.... this is the first time I've even given myself permission to speak about it. I'm not even sure how to go about repairing this.
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Re: My son came on to me tonight... please help :(

Postby thecolor » Tue Oct 17, 2017 3:02 am

He thinks this is okay now. By not telling anyone he feels you've given him permission to keep doing this. He laughed when you caught him jerking off to you. You have to tell someone in your family what's happening. What if he kills you? Rapes you? He's already molested you. You have to cut this relationship off, and you have to tell someone in your family.

He may be your son, but this is not how a son behaves. When a man tries to rape his mother, said man loses the privilege to have her in his life. That's how it works. By not showing him that you've given him permission (in his mind) to keep at it, and by not telling someone he believes you have no one to protect you from him. TELL SOMEONE. END THIS.
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Re: My son came on to me tonight... please help :(

Postby Tigerlily0110 » Mon Mar 19, 2018 6:09 pm

Hello,
I am new here, I just joined last night. This is my first reply to a post. I am posting this as a sort of reply to the member who originally posted this thread. I don't know if it is appropriate to ask the same question within their post, but it is pretty much exactly the same topic.

First of all, I totally feel for this member who posted this. It is an awful position to be placed in, and I too am sorry she was put in that awkward place. I hope that the therapy worked and would be interested in knowing what came of it.

Last night, my 31 year old son (who has 2 daughters) admitted to me in utter embarrassment that he has had fantasies of having sex with me for a long time. He said his memory is foggy about it, but that he can remember feeling this way for at least 7-8 years.
Let me first briefly explain; we have been estranged for most of my kids lives because my ex husband took all of my kids from me after i left the relationship because of his abuse of me. (I really don't want to explain more than that in regard to my ex, as it still is hard to talk about)

So, of course when he told me this, via online chat, I was instantly mortified. I started crying because it was making me physically ill inside. He was quite blatant in his words about it. He is my eldest son, so I had him the longest and formed a tight bond as it was a full 3 years before my daughter was born. So, I explained to him that I think it has to do with the fact that he and I were very close. I explained also that it might be a psychological mother fixation, like the Freudian thing.
I was looking for any textbook reply because it was so disturbing to me that I made an excuse up to get offline. I told him that I would not shun him because he was sincere about it being so embarrassing and that he was looking for help.
He also admitted that he thinks if it just happened once that maybe it would "go away" (his thoughts). I told him that if he ever made a move on me that I would slap his face and it would hurt me because I am a non violent person. (I didn't know what to say) :(
He swore me to secrecy. He said if anyone in our family found out, he would be "ruined" and that he would never speak to me again in his lifetime.
I told him that he needs to seek professional help, but that I would research this online to see if there is a psychological reason for these thoughts.
I'm sorry if this was too long. Please forgive me. I came here seeking personal help as well. I am bi-polar rapid cycling2.
Thank you so very much for reading this, and thank you in advance for any replies to this horrible situation. My heart feels violated and I am heartbroken.
Sincerely,
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Re: My son came on to me tonight... please help :(

Postby Snaga » Tue Mar 20, 2018 1:15 am

I began to split this off into a new topic but I'll let it stay here. Welcome to the forums!

Wow- so he told you this, with the hope that you'd oblige him, you think? I mean this doesn't sound much as if it was just in the way of conversation- I mean I think I may have told my mom that I'd had sexual dreams involving her (and I think she had told me of some she'd had).... I always took it for granted that that kind of thing is fairly common (the occasional sleeping dream and maybe even waking fantasy) between opposite sex parent/child... but this sounds like wow more.

You reckon it's because y'all were separated? How old was he when y'all were estranged?

Do you think that this is desire for his mom that's been morphed into sexual desire?

I'm still smh that he'd actually suggest it- but at least he's upfront about it.
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Re: My son came on to me tonight... please help :(

Postby Tigerlily0110 » Tue Mar 20, 2018 6:06 pm

I'm sorry I posted mine within another member's post. I will go over the rules and guidelines again, but I was not sure if you wanted me to create a new thread and beyond that, I'm embarrassed to say, I didn't know how. lol
My ex husband took them from me when my oldest son (the one i posted about) was 8 years old. I have been thinking about it since he told me the other night and, I really believe it is something that has morphed into this sexual thing for me. But, it still does not make me feel any less freaked out. I must confess that I feel like what he confessed to me has changed something inside of me. I am trying not to think or feel differently about him, but it is hard.
I was sexually attacked at 13 and also raped at 18 (which was my first time). So, I do have too many sexual trust issues that he knows nothing about. I have not shared that with my kids.

Thank you for the welcome! I will post onto another thread if you would like, going forward.
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Re: My son came on to me tonight... please help :(

Postby FriedGrinch » Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:57 am

I would not disclose this sensitive information to your new bf. Give your relationship time to see where it leads without getting him personally involved as it will change a lot of things.

Maybe bring it up with a therapist you see on your own first. Or book a one on one in addition to the joint therapy with your son. Maybe it could help your son to have his own private therapy as well for some of the sessions.

Once you put something out there, that's the role the person will be put in so really think about the impact your words and actions will have for you and your son from this point on.
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Re: My son came on to me tonight... please help :(

Postby akshita1 » Sat Jun 22, 2019 10:35 pm

i had a similar experience.i am a 43 year old mother and my son just turned 19, my relationship with him is very friendly and open but i discovered something which really disturbed me a lot, i hope that by posting this i would get some help from other moms who have had similar experience. since last few months i noticed that my panties which i kept for laundry were smelling gross and were wet most of the time. i saw semen on my panties several times. i was not sure who was doing it so i started to keep a watch on my used panties which were kept in the laundry bag. one night after dinner i saw my son sneeking into my room and taking one of my panty from the laundry bag. i was shocked to see this and then i followed my son, he went to hall downstairs, sat on the sofa , and since there was no one in the house apart from the two of as he pulled off his pants and started jerking off with my panties and also smelling them. i felt worried about him and i went downstaires and caught him in the act. as soon as he saw me, his face became red and threw the panty on ground and started saying sorry to me. being a mother i said its okay and we should have a serious discussion on this, we went upstairs in my room and i asked him what the hell was he doing with my panty, he confessed to me and told "mom i will never do it again but i just want to do it today last time in front of me and if i agree to it he will stop doing this. so in panic a agreed and said do whatever you want to do in 15mins and get away from my room and never repeat it again. *mod edit*

its been a week and i havent told this to anyone , his father lives away and i cant tell this to him . i am worried now that my son will co me to me daily to get sexual pleasures what should i do ??? should i contact a doctor or what ?? please help
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Re: My son came on to me tonight... please help :(

Postby weirdedout » Sun Jun 07, 2020 6:37 pm

OP here. First of all, I'm really grateful to all who have posted similar experiences. And thank you to the mods for not moving those posts (I would not have read them otherwise). It's somehow comforting to know that I'm not the only one. Tigerlily0110 wrote something that is very true for me as well, and I cried when I read her post- something inside of me changed when this happened. It's a trauma to your heart and soul, it puts a scar on your heart for sure.. Sometimes you forget it happened, but it always comes back, maybe not every day now- but often enough..It's like grieving a death. I guess grieving the relationship, because the relationship (and the son) I knew died in an instant.. One of those things you wish like hell did not really happen. Life is so painful in that way. No do-overs.

I have received a few disturbing messages through this forum, I wish there was some way to instantly reject (opt of receiving) all messages. If there is, please let me know. I started to read one *mod edit* but it reads like a whack incestuous Penthouse forum letter, and I'm really not into that. Based on that, I don't believe the post from this person is genuine. It's hurtful that some people would get off by sending these type of messages, but I'm not entirely shocked - it IS a pysch forum after all.

Anyway, to update on my situation: my relationship with my son was never the same again. We are estranged. I do reach out and check up on him every few months and we see each other once or twice a year at family function type of things. It's been 7 years now, and still effects me badly. When the "me too" thing came along I tried not to pay attention because it brought up such anxiety with that extra knife-twist of the perp being my own son. Sometimes I do wish I could go back in time and react differently, I fantasize that I yell at him and tell him to get out of my house. And yah, I'm still angry at him for doing this.

Soo.. long story short - no happy ending here.it sucks.
Last edited by lilyfairy on Tue Jun 09, 2020 11:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Name removed- don't want you to become a target. Noted for future reference.
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