Addicted to sex chat lines - help me

Hi
I am a 35 year old single male. For about 12 years I have been suffering from an addiction to calling sex chat lines. It started off slowly but has become a major problem that is causing huge issues in my life.

This addiction is controlling my life in a very negative way. It is causing a viscous cycle that is feeding into my depression. I have been treated for depression for several years and am taking medication for it to control, but not remove, the symptoms.

I feel compelled to call these sex lines, from my mobile, and can spend hours at a time on them. My mobile bills have run into the £ hundreds each month and some months have been over a £1000.

This obviously is causing major financial issues and I am in debt. I just about manage to survive but its a struggle keeping my head above the water.

As well as financial issues I have have feelings of self-hate for what I do and as a result my confidence is at an all time low. I feel guilty and ashamed of this problem.

Due to lack of money and confidence I never go out much and I get lonely and depressed. I then use the sex lines to make myself feel better and to get a temporary rush.

When I call these lines I don't think of anything else and I get a rush of excitement that I never experience elsewhere. I talk to girls and I like to have a conversation before anything sexual. I do masturbate sometimes. However, I delay achieving an orgasm as I know as soon as I have my feelings of regret, shame and guilt hit me in a hard way. So I keep going. I also use sex text numbers and view internet porn and materials when I cannot afford to make the calls or texts.

Sometimes I can be on the phone all night into the early hours. When I wake I feel tired and almost, hungover, from the night before. I then spend the day regretting what I did.

I am so ashamed of myself that I find it difficult to talk to anyone about this issue (I have never told anyone directly). I have gone to counselling sessions but this is hard to pay for due to my financial situation and I never feel I can fully explain the problem.

I have also tried self help books.

I really need some help to break this addiction. I have even found that I cannot resist calling the lines during the day and sometimes when I should be working. I work in a job that requires me to drive around to clients and sometimes I feel the need to find a quiet spot in the countryside in my car and I make a call to the lines.

I have suffered huge embarrassment with my mobile provider and have been called by them "to discuss the usage on my mobile". I die of embarrassment speaking to them as I feel they are judging and laughing at me.

I have sometimes manage to stop for a few months but it always comes back and in a big way for months on end.

My guilt is worsened by the fact that my parents became aware of my debt 4 years and have helped me pay off some credit cards and loans. They knew why I got into debt but it was never discussed in detail. I said I would need help to overcome the addiction but it was never talked about. Except that from then onwards I would stop.

They have helped me a lot but I cannot stop myself. I feel compelled to do it.

Currently I have 1 large loan to repay for the next 4 years. I live at home as I cannot afford my on place due to the money situation. This also makes me feel like a loser still living at home at my age.

I did live away for 5 years earlier in my life but had to move back when I changed jobs and gave up the accommodation that came with that employment.

I spend most of my time in my room and not seeing or speaking to people.

I feel that I am at the end of my tether and I cannot cope for much longer in this way of life. I dare not tell my parents due to the help they have given my and I would feel I have let them down in the extreme.

I have not had suicidal thoughts but I do go to sleep hoping I wont wake up

As well as this issue I also have an over-eating issue as I use food the make myself feel better when I cant make any calls.

There is one thing that gives me hope, even though I spend £ hundreds I know when my monthly limit is reached and I am able to stop (until the next month). All my bills are paid on time and I do have a good credit score in spite of the debt. I never miss a payment.

If I can stop I can use the £ hundreds saved to pay off more of the loan and to go out and socialize etc.

Any help or suggestions would be much appreciated.

With thanks

D

this is just another unwanted sexual behavior that many do struggle with but cant overcome no matter how much they try to. The reason things liek this occur is because it became a habit and now your brain keeps this as a number 1 priority every time you feel aroused or bored etc. As you mentioned, whenever you feel bored or lonely, you start making these calls. Well, that those are symptoms of unwanted sexual behaviors.

Now my advice to you is to try and get professional help. If counseling is too expensive for you, you can try to look into Candeo (see my sig). Sure it will cost you money but keep in mind that it can cost you a lot less in the long run considering the fact that you might never be able to leave your addiction if you dont get help.

I am a sex addict, and I am addictied to sex lines. I have been searching forums like this for a few months, and this is the first time that I have come accross someone else who suffers from the same addiction as me. I have spent well over 6000 in 2 years, and I have recently given up my addiction for a few months, but recently my addiction has reared its ugly head. I am married and my wife is absolutly distraught. I am so determined to make our marriage work, but she doesnt believe that I can change as I havelied to her about when I promised I will stop before, I therefore I dont really know what to say to her, as she says that only my actions can improve things. She is saying that our relationship has no future, and no matter what I say to her it wont make things better. I am so positive about changing my ways, and proving my love to her, as I love her more than anything in the world, which she doesnt believe. I have begun self harming from time to time, which makes her more angry. I really am at rock bottom, I really feel lost and scared. Any help would be fantastic as I am so determined to brak this horrible cycle and have a long and happy life with my wife.

i feel for you guys,
im not a Psychiatrist but when I read this I had to reply. Not just for the fact that you are suffering mentally the pain caused by the financial burden would be tremendous.
@riviera85, I dont exactly know why you think you have to hurt yourself, but I'm guessing due to the guilt of everything that is happening? My thoughts are mate, think about your wife, I know you are feeling bad about makings her sad due to your former actions, but the thing is making yourself hurt might be providing you with a bit of comfort (I don't mean offence) but you are going out of the way again to make her feel even unhappier. So no matter how bad you feel don't hurt yourself coz you know its gonna hurt your wife even more.
@ Darren_76, Glad to hear that you are not increasing your debt, good on ya. You see how you do have control.I know that you wont be able to stop what ever you are doing at once. This is an addiction and they are really hard to get rid of as you would have found out. You could try the smokers approach for quitting. What I would do if I was in the situation would be, start off slow, I'm thinking you are a daily talker until credit runs out? Well I'm not even saying you don't have to do that. lets say u chat for 2 hours at a time... for the next 2 days continue your normal rate give yourself the luxury. Third day however you are only allowd 15 mins less and get rid of 15 mis every 2 days. Remember tho... you are not doing this coz i want you to. Im a random stranger that you've probably never even met. No im not gaining anything for this but you are. take it slow bro. its not gonna be easy. Once you get to 0 you have to try skipping days. You can continue at the same rate but never try to go back. and once you get to more than 3 days try to continue reducing more and more. btw im not saying stop jer****off. being a guy myself i know thats not possible. there are plenty of other FREE resources on the net that you can use (p***). Not the paid type tho. its bad when you get away from one thing and get in to something else.
In the meantime continue with your job, start forcussing on hobby or something so that you don't have time to let loose.
The above stuff is probably useful for you as well riviera85. Hope this helps.
I'm only trying to help... pls dont get offended
i will be back on this after a few days if you guys wanna talk

Hi, sorry to know that you have this addiction and a little how you feel because I had a similar problem with live sex chats. I was a long time immersed in this problem and I left it with the support of my family.
The advice I can give is to seek shelter in your family and friends. Sometimes we need to talk more with people to feel good. I wish with all my heart that you can get out of this addiction as I achieved

Hi Adding a late update to this, but just might be useful to someone.

I have a chatline addiction, and it has followed me for over 30 years. I have had periods of around 4 - 5 years where I have been free of it, but it seemed to be always there.

I have tried many different routes, identifying as a sex addict, counselling using cbt and other approaches.

At the end of the day the best way to look at at it, for me, was as a porn addiction. It was extremely dificult to do this as it seemed to be just the lowest point for me, but it helped. Easy access to a system that allows, mostly men, to talk to women in an unrealistic and mostly innappropriate way. I used the women I called and some used me. It was and escape from reality that in my case become my own sad rality.

The only way to stop it is to cut of access: Close credit card accounts, YES REALLY! Close them, don't keep worrying about how much you need them. Stop doing it for a couple of months and you can give yourself a chance to be yourself again.

It worked for me but I do struggle occasioally, and not making that calls always seems hard, but it feels so good when I decide not to and just call a friend or watch TV, go for a walk...