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Porn addiction lost job,lost dignity

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Porn addiction lost job,lost dignity

Postby bellic007 » Wed May 18, 2022 5:21 pm

I am addicted to porn and it has become strong to a point that I cannot keep a job for atleast 2 months because I want to take leaves and watch porn.I create fake reasons to sit at my home and binge all day in porn sites and when my supervisor call me I create fake certificates to take leaves.and also I started to create problems with family memebrs I don't want anyone to stay at my home because I want to watch porn all day in my room and anyone outside will distract me from watching porn..I had become so addicted to watching porn that even a small obstacle in my way will destroy my sense of myself.
The stuffs I watch are mostly homosexual and I am afraid of watching gay porn because I feel it will influence my orinetation and I really become gay but I have no such fear towards lesbian pornography..but watching those creates confusion about my own sexual identity ..I am adicted to many humilating and degenerating stuff in internet.I am 24 yeras old and I know I want to go out there and look after a job and start earning for myself but I can't go out because I feel afraid to face the outwrworld..and along with the support of this dopamine rushing habbit I feel so sticked to my home..I am wasting my time and becoming old day by day..I am so concerned about my future and I am sure if I go like this I will not be able to find any progress in life..it feels like living in a forest ..

Is all my issues related to my porn use or porn use a symptom of my fear of going outside ..?
Dx Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Self diagnosed Dissociative Disorder

Self Identified Parts
Smoker (M) 14 yo
Vyakulan (M) 23 yo
Nirali(M) 13 yo
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bellic007
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Re: Porn addiction lost job,lost dignity

Postby OMNICELL » Wed May 18, 2022 5:52 pm

"feel afraid to face the outwrworld." I belong to allot of 12 step groups. I have allot of trauma based mental illness based problems; THese keep me in doors away from the human experience. Lots of massive resentments Ive had. Ive worked lots out tho.
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Ive not been able to touch reality; get close to that place of touching it. I was warped out of it by abuse and trauma.
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Ive watched porn; means nothing to me either way; if I watch allot or very little; with my dissociative condition; everything I did; I did alone.
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I didnt watch porn because I liked or didnt like it; I could not get involved anymore with 2 faced people. I got tired of spoiled people that could throw me away.
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Take away the porn; Nothing changed.
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However; get involved in the recovery process; and everything started to change regardless of something like porn...
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Ive learned to focus on goals today and work with a higher power; All things ive learned in the 12 step groups...
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Im focused on the recovery process these days and a higher power that helps me; and I find these things in the hallways of the recovery process.
Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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