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I need to go back

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I need to go back

Postby WhiteDrink » Sat Oct 16, 2021 4:27 am

I feel like I masterbate at a normal frequency it never gets in the way of my social life or eats up valuable time. But I've been exposed to internet porn since the age of 14 and my desires have far shifted from the "normal" range. Im getting to the point of disinterest in my now vile preferred porn. To the point that it takes hours to get to completion.

Ive tried all the apps but I keep finding backdoors to sate my twisted perversions. I've locked my phone in a wooden chest eventually I just smash it to get my phone. Tried a metal box, took bolt cutters to the lock. The only thing that worked for awhile was "forgetting" my phone at work. But that backfired when I missed too many work calls.
Ive even picked up gardening, epoxy resin, wood work, getting another pet, history, philosophy, baking, catering and decorating parties, this keeps going on but no matter how fast I run from my demons I'm always laying in my bed for about 4 hours before bed.

I find what I look at disgusting and vile, even during. It brings me horrible regret to the point its hard to sleep the following night.

It's to the point I don't find women or men attractive.
Like I've seen it all in every position, hole, crevice, fold, race combinations, gender, hair length/color and thats all before I turned 16.

I need to go back before I develop a truly horid fetish that would drive me to cut my penis off or something far worse.
The closest sexual help anything is 4 hours away.

I want to have a normal relationship with someone and be entranced by their body.
I want to want to be sexually attracted to someone.
I'm fine being alone always have been but I dont want to grow lonely with age.

I'm at my breaking point I need any help at all.

I'll give you some personal info just incase that it can help someone help me.
24 M
Virgin (I've had a handful of opportunities to not be one over but as said above I'm numb to it)
I have a few male and female friends that I talk to daily but rarely hang out irl
I'm physically active (weight lifting and hiking)
Unemployed (bc I kept leaving my phone at work :P)

Things that I know about myself that get in the way of normalcy
I'm 24 and my sex drive is exploding so when I get hit by the tsunami of hormones I get swallowed up.
Also autistic not to the point I can't go out and act perfectly normal I just can't get myself to go
I believe getting a gf would help my situation but I dont want to batter another human with this problem. Probably traumatize them lol

Apologies if this is too long
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Re: I need to go back

Postby Snaga » Sun Oct 17, 2021 3:36 am

Hello and welcome to the forums!

Well off the top of my head, I think if you're serious about quitting, I would look into the two leading sexual addiction organisations, to see if there are online options or be sure there's nothing closer you can attend in person. Also there is the nofap website where you could perhaps hook up with an accountability partner to help you wean yourself off the porn.

WhiteDrink wrote:I need to go back before I develop a truly horid fetish that would drive me to cut my penis off or something far worse.


Whew! let's hold off the cutting off of bits for now. If you can, talk to therapist or a psych doctor- I would say an extreme last-ditch effort would involve being prescribed something to block testosterone- please don't think that things are so desperate that you'd have to self-mutilate. There are plenty of options that don't include that!
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Re: I need to go back

Postby WhiteDrink » Mon Oct 18, 2021 12:26 am

Snaga wrote:I would say an extreme last-ditch effort would involve being prescribed something to block testosterone-


Theres anti-horny pills?
I'm bipolar and I've read that they are much more sexually intensive than people without it.
In saying that I do have a psyche doctor that I see. I will talk to him about it and see if he thinks it's a good course to take.
My next appointment is next month I'm sure I can keep my penis intact until then.

I'll give the no fap sites a shot.
I'm already desperately attempting to crawl out of this. Everytime I think im out of it I fall farther down.
Something just takes over even during I'm disgusted with myself.
In saying that what would stop me from lying to my no fap partner?
Actually there's no point in the what ifs and just try it out.

Thank you again
I'll keep you posted
Wish me luck
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Re: I need to go back

Postby Snaga » Mon Oct 18, 2021 3:39 pm

Oh well of course there's nothing to stop you from lying to an accountability partner, but I have a feeling most people who bother to find one, wouldn't lie. I've tried that, and find I just stop talking about it, rather than lie. Especially when it's someone you don't personally know; why lie to a stranger? That's only lying to yourself, if you think about it.

Yes there's antiandrogens... That's what it means I think, when you hear of sex offenders being 'chemically castrated'. They've given something that bonks testosterone on its head. Kids who think they might be transgender are put on hormone blockers to delay puberty.

Best thing would be to ask a doctor.
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Tell someone today that you love them; for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon; for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

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