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I was a victim and now an assaulter

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I was a victim and now an assaulter

Postby MADMAN999 » Sun Aug 08, 2021 10:48 pm

I am now 22 Male had been sexually abused in my childhood probably 6-7 yrs old by 14 15 yrs old guys ( there were 2, his friend) at that time they use to watch me porn, I didn't know what they did they just touched there dick on my back I don't seem to mind it. At that time I think when I was 8yrs old I had a thing with my aunt (my mom's cousin) she was 15 or 16 probably, I used to suck her boobs, by 10 or 11 yrs old I have a friend maybe she was 2 3 yrs younger than me, I got her naked in her bedroom I tried do ###$ her or something but couldn't, didn't knew how to but go first blowjob then I don't remember after that what happened between us. I have a cousin my age 3 months younger we tried touching each other many times when we were young this was around 6-12yrs of age then we get caught.

Worst thing starts here, I have a cousin she was 7 or 8 yrs old & i was 15-16 I used to touch her down she enjoyed so I liked that too few years this happened then stop for 1 year then again it started till this is happening now she is 13 I do oral stuff with her she likes it but denies it after a day or 2 in text but whenever we meet she never resist so I never have stopped, but I feel bad later because I also care for her. I was searching for porn lolicon in tor I accidently clicked on this forum so I thought this the right thing to do.

I also have a relationship with my older cousin she is 6yrs older than me ^ we are doing it since I was 16 I think, she enjoys it but IDK she resist at first every time after seduction she also gives me handjob etc., we did everything but she is also a bitch she don't care for people but portrait that she does so our bro sis relationship is not good but we do almost every time when we are alone, she is married right now but still we do. I always reached her never she made 1st move but consent was mutual. I also wanna stop doing with her.

The cousin I told you of my age, we have an unspoken sexual tension between us but we don't talk about now that I have shifted in my own place I want to do with her but also don't want to because it will ruin our friendship. Same goes for my aunt which I mentioned above.

I have few more incest stories but these were the most important ones.

I am a sex addict before shifting to my own place I used to masturbate 1 time a day now its 3 to 4 times a day, my health is not good I have a lot of pressure of work & I wanna achieve many things in life but these things are pulling me back. I don't drink or smoke just this sex thing messed me up since my childhood. My fav genre is incest or taboo porn that much I have ###$ up.

I have no grudge against those guy since I am an assaulter too, but they are married now & I don't wanna ruin there relationship with there partners.

I have not much friends but When a new girl comes into my life I masturbate about her no matter who she is.

I have no money or time to go to the psychiatrist but I want to get a solution with this. The forum is anonymous that's why I am able to write this much which I haven't said to any one before.

WITHOUT JUDGING IF SOMEONE HELP ME OUT THEN IT WIL BE GREAR
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Re: I was a victim and now an assaulter

Postby Snaga » Mon Aug 09, 2021 1:58 pm

Hello and welcome to the forums!

Your post has been moved to Sexual Addiction, as that is a better fit for this subject and it's unsuited for the original forum.

MADMAN999 wrote:Worst thing starts here, I have a cousin she was 7 or 8 yrs old & i was 15-16 I used to touch her down she enjoyed so I liked that too few years this happened then stop for 1 year then again it started till this is happening now she is 13 I do oral stuff with her she likes it but denies it after a day or 2 in text but whenever we meet she never resist so I never have stopped, but I feel bad later because I also care for her.


I would suggest if you seriously care for her, you STOP. I won't mince words- you're old enough to know better. You were already just about old enough to know better when that started, you're most certainly old enough, now.

MADMAN999 wrote: she likes it but denies it after a day or 2 in text but whenever we meet she never resist so I never have stopped


Perhaps she never resists because you are so much older than her- that creates a power imbalance and kids will often not resist those kinds of things from a much older child or an adult. I was 12 or 13 when I had an adult touching me and I did not resist, but I certainly did not ask for it, either. This has to end.

MADMAN999 wrote:I am a sex addict before shifting to my own place I used to masturbate 1 time a day now its 3 to 4 times a day, my health is not good I have a lot of pressure of work & I wanna achieve many things in life but these things are pulling me back. I don't drink or smoke just this sex thing messed me up since my childhood. My fav genre is incest or taboo porn that much I have ###$ up.


Well like any other addiction, too much of anything can run you into the ground- it's so easy to fall back on sex and masturbation to escape the stress of Life, I've done it too, I sympathise. It's very hard to cut back on porn and masturbation and sex, once you become dependent on it. But as long as this goes on, it's going to feel as if it's just exacerbating your physical and mental well-being, I'm suspect. I know when I get too heavy in porn and masturbation that it has taken a toll on my well being, it can consume a person so easily.

Some of the things I've seen suggested are things like physical exercise such as a gym or walking- also if you can find something to keep you occupied offline, that could help. Of course, it's so hard to start good habits, and so hard to quit bad ones, I know- I'm no better at it than most people. I think the most important thing is to try, and keep trying, and not get discouraged.

MADMAN999 wrote:I have no money or time to go to the psychiatrist but I want to get a solution with this. The forum is anonymous that's why I am able to write this much which I haven't said to any one before.


I would strongly suggest finding some professional help if possible, if there are any free counseling services where you are I would look into that. If there was an easy way out, you wouldn't be here now, as I'm sure you know. This all didn't become what it is, in a day.

Also you could consider peer-support for sexual addiction. The two groups I can think of are

https://www.sa.org

and

https://saa-recovery.org

The first link I know has an international presence- the second one has some sort of international outreach, but is based more in the United States, I think, so choose accordingly for your location. Both organizations offer both online and in-person support meetings, and I think at least one of those also offers email peer support. As far as I know, both are non-profit organizations with a large base of volunteers, so there should be no cost involved.

But if at all possible I suggest seeing a counselor about this.
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Re: I was a victim and now an assaulter

Postby Rohan89 » Thu Oct 14, 2021 4:01 pm

Hello brother, welcome to the forum! I am new here myself.

Wow, very intense addiction experiences you have had. Very brave that you are admitting it and accepting you have an addiction.

Best way to recover is to be open to a group of people so you are in the right place.

I am 32 now but I was very uncontrollable in my 20s. If you ever want to talk, you can PM me :)
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