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This is not where I usually look for help

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This is not where I usually look for help

Postby faithkl7 » Tue May 04, 2021 2:48 am

Usually this is not the type of support group I'm looking for. I'm trying to figure out how to stop porn/sex chatting and it aint all ways easy. For about four years I had been set free from this and then one Christmas I drove past an adult sex store that I didn't even know that exsited in a town I went through on my way to my brother's house. I have gone months so probably three or four months and then every so often I'll go back to porn/sex chatting like it's nothing. But then I have all these gulity feelings that I've litterally done something wrong. I have struggled with this since I was 18 and now I'm 38. I feel like I know why I struggle with this. When I was younger as a child I was sexually abuse and my own dad gave me permission to look at his porn magizens but I never looked at them. I mean seriously why give a 12 year old permission when instead I shouldn't have been given permission is how I feel on it.

I've been in and out of therapy since I was 18 because of the abuse and wanting to kill myself. Currently not in therapy and haven't been in over a year.
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Re: This is not where I usually look for help

Postby Snaga » Tue May 04, 2021 5:50 am

Hello and welcome to the forums!

I understand the feelings of guilt and shame. I think.. I don't know. I think CS Lewis said it best:

perversions of the sex instinct are numerous, hard to cure, and frightful


A lot easier to want to quit, than it is to actually do so. I think like any other addiction it's something a person's rarely cured from- rather, it's an ongoing process, like a recovering alcoholic.

For me, it boils down to 'is it dangerous behavior'? and 'is it interfering with my life'?

If you find yourself in dodgy parts of town doing things that might threaten your well being... then you need to think about that. If you're looking at porn or doing sexual things that crowd out healthy life, family and work... then... you need to think about that.

That's the way I approach it. It's awfully hard to just quit something that is so darn easy to access; so it becomes a never-ending fight to keep it under some sort of control. And I don't believe in beating oneself up for the mere act of looking at the stuff, or sex chatting. I don't see how it does any good to hate yourself for it. If it hurts no one else directly, I fail to see the usefulness in crushing guilt and shame. Unless it actually stops a person from doing it. Which it doesn't often seem to. I mean some guilt, some shame- but at a motivation to do better, not something to crush your spirit with. Too much of that and a person is liable to give up and feel as if it's hopeless.
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