Need advice on sex addiction that has contributing other fac

Hi folks.

I am beginning recovery for my sex/porn addiction. Well I guess I chould say that I am continuing recover that has been going on for 3 months in fits and starts. I'll really commit and be great for a week or two and then I fall off the wagon. It is very frustrating for me and I can't imagine how frustrating it is for my wife. The thing is I have a lot of struggles here to face at the same time and My wife is ABSOLUTELY adamant that the addiction recovery is the only way to begin in order to repair our marriage which is just barely hanging on. I'm pretty confident that my other issues have a lot to do with my addiction but she sees that if I'm working on those issues I'm not spending enough energy on the addiction. They say that one thing you have to do to recover is let go of the shame associated with it, and I guess that applies to my other problems so I'll list them here and ask a few questions afterward.

1. I am technically undiagnosed but recently have been doing a lot of reading and I am 100% certain that I have ASD/Aspergers. Nearly every single trait thereof I exhibit. Some in the extreme and some just a little. One of the primary issues with this is alexthymia. This is one of the issues I have in spades. It is the inability to name or identify feelings in myself and others. Additionally I am almost entirely unable to feel empathy and it is almost impossible for me to see any perspective other than my own. as you can imagine these things make it tricky to make many changes.

2. I was sexually abused by my brother, my cousin, my uncle, and a babysitter from the time I was 7 until I was about 14. Not all of them consistently through that period they were all involved at some point.

3. I was introduced to porn when I was 7. I am now 45. 38 years of a habit/coping mechanism/retreat is a long time to just stop one day. At least it seems that way to me. But as far as I know there is no "methadone" for porn/sex. Over the course of those 38 years, as you can imagine, my tastes got progressively more extreme and at this point I'm not even sure what is supposed to be sexual and what is just my messed up perception based on years of watching different types of porn some of which began to be unusual and even violent.(not like illegal but definitely sadistic)

4. I have severe depression. I am medicated for this and that helps but it exacerbates the problems from the ASD given that I don't feel/understand feelings. So I basically am able to feel OK or bad. The slightest negative event sends me into a spiral. 15 good things can happen to me and 1 bad thing or even just not good thing and that's all I can focus on.

5. the 12 steps won't work for me because I am not a person of faith. steps 2,3,5,6,7, and 11 involve God and so I can't logically or honestly participate.

I guess my question is where do I start? all of these things feed each other. Some of the things(ASD) are basically set in stone and there is nothing I can do about them aside from try to learn some tools to manage the "symptoms". All of them seem like too much to face at once. And it seems like every time I face one demon there is another one behind him ready to take up the fight. It just feels hopeless.

Maybe just talking to people who have at least some similar experiences will be helpful even if I don't actually get any answers.

Thanks for reading. I know it's sort of verbose. That is one of the parts of the ASD.

Hello and welcome!

GL9646 wrote:5. the 12 steps won't work for me because I am not a person of faith. steps 2,3,5,6,7, and 11 involve God and so I can't logically or honestly participate.

I would start with this video: 'Overcoming Addiction with Dr. Donna Marks' I'm listening to it now, and it sounds interesting. This link is actually a search/dump using 'addiction' as the keyword applied to this particular channel.

https://www.bitchute.com/search/?query= ... kind=video

I don't often post links, however, reading your post, this is the first person that came to mind- because he's an Atheist. While he isn't a hater of religion, he is a man of logic and reason, to a fault- and doesn't rely on a supernatural power- therefore, any video/podcast he has on addiction, isn't going to place emphasis on a Supreme Being. I don't always agree with him, and sometimes he's rather too brutally honest, but he approaches things from a secularist viewpoint.