Porn, Hookers, Need Help/Advice (Am i on the right forum)

Hi i'm 25 and i have serious problem. I've been hooked on Porn for 13-14 years it's left me with great confusion and deep regret about what type of porn it led too. I started out on light porn / vanilla stuff which led to stuff i considered deviant at one point and never was originally attracted too, yet i'm struggling to stop watching Porn.

I've been by myself, alone for the 9 years since i left high school dealing with this addiction avoiding social interaction because i was disgusted and upset where escalating in porn was leading me + dealing with the sexual confusion aspect that comes with it.

Since 2017 i've made a series of bad decisions some worse than others and started to act out on what i seen in porn with hookers regularly. After i binge on Porn it leads to hookers and even at times putting myself in temporary debt/over-draft, because i know how much money i have coming in the next month, i wasted thousands on sex and data to watch Porn.

The worse thing for me tho and it's still killing me till this day is out of the many hookers i've seen in 3 years, 10 of them were Trans hookers, with the the last Trans one being in 2018. I continually use hookers but i have never visited a Trans hooker since October 2018 *mod edit*. All the past problems i've had in the past, like obsessing daily over my sexuality have taken a backseat.

Now what occupies my thoughts pretty much 24/7 is asking myself, "Why the ###$ did you do a Trans for", "no woman is ever gonna want you", "You're a disgrace" , "You might as-well do a Trans again no chick is gonna want to be with you" ... thoughts like that have led me back to almost doing it, but i never have..

I've never actually considered suicide on a serious level since i've always had hope, but since this coronavirus lockdown, i've been indoors everyday, rarely working, up in the night watching many hours of Pornography and getting off and i'm losing hope... and thankfully i haven't used a hooker since February.. and i have No STD's.

I still feel like a 14 yr old boy, trapped in a grown mans body, i've learned nothing since i left school, i have no idea what i want to do with my life, i'm just constantly thinking about my Porn use and Sex, i'm socially immature and my conversations with others at work always circle around to sex and women.

I've tried going to the gym etc.. but i have no lasting motivation or energy..

I've currently broken my my smart phone and got a Nokia 105 and completely blocked pornography, proxies and VPN's on my computer and i can't unblock it because i'm not the admin.

I want to quit porn and hookers entirely, get my life in order and get into what i've always wanted, a proper relationship with a woman.

I just want to know what are the solution available for a broke guy from the UK, with a dead end, part time job *mod edit*???

I am also currently 5 days No P.M.O.

Hey,
You are beating yourself up too much. Your actions are just one of the by-products of sexual addiction. I know of more than 1 sex addicts who have gone to trans hookers whilst married. You don't need to question your sexuality just because of that. It's just one of the things that porn does, opens you up to various ideas that you never thought you would be into yourself.
There will be mature, open minded women out there who can understand the past sexual behaviours of a sex/porn addict and what causes it all. What you can do is not beat yourself up so much because it feeds the addiction. Please do focus on your good traits instead.
And there are women who won't be disgusted by it in your history .
Are you seeking treatment?

Toughie wrote:Hey,
You are beating yourself up too much. Your actions are just one of the by-products of sexual addiction. I know of more than 1 sex addicts who have gone to trans hookers whilst married. You don't need to question your sexuality just because of that. It's just one of the things that porn does, opens you up to various ideas that you never thought you would be into yourself.
There will be mature, open minded women out there who can understand the past sexual behaviours of a sex/porn addict and what causes it all. What you can do is not beat yourself up so much because it feeds the addiction. Please do focus on your good traits instead.
And there are women who won't be disgusted by it in your history .
Are you seeking treatment?

Thanks for your reply,
To answer your question, Yes i've started to seek/look for treatment since i made my original post. I've been to my GP in the past twice and they're not helpful whatsoever. Theres some Psychotherapist apparently in my area according to Psychology Today specialised in many things including sex/porn addiction. So i'm waiting till Lockdown is over to contact them.. Do you have any advice where else i could look?

Great that you've looked up getting some face to face help.
For example, I've heard that some alcoholics anonymous treatment circles are still helping via zoom so maybe find out if sex/porn addiction therapists are using technology as a substitute too for now.
Other than that I suggest daily meditation.
I know people dismiss it but it has really helped people in your shoes before. It's hard at first but gets better with practice. Start with 5 mins a day and increase upwards.

We've got some gorgeous weather at the moment. Take daily walks/jogs/ cycles just for the mental health benefits. Be strict on making these things daily. Small but permanent good, daily routines .
Write down your good points daily and decrease the self loathing.
Remember , you are a victim of an industry that is making billions regardless of how many young children get hooked on their stuff. You got hooked years before your rational pre frontal cortex part of your brain was ready to make rational decisions. You're a victim that needs to heal.

Toughie wrote:Great that you've looked up getting some face to face help.
For example, I've heard that some alcoholics anonymous treatment circles are still helping via zoom so maybe find out if sex/porn addiction therapists are using technology as a substitute too for now.
Other than that I suggest daily meditation.
I know people dismiss it but it has really helped people in your shoes before. It's hard at first but gets better with practice. Start with 5 mins a day and increase upwards.

We've got some gorgeous weather at the moment. Take daily walks/jogs/ cycles just for the mental health benefits. Be strict on making these things daily. Small but permanent good, daily routines .
Write down your good points daily and decrease the self loathing.
Remember , you are a victim of an industry that is making billions regardless of how many young children get hooked on their stuff. You got hooked years before your rational pre frontal cortex part of your brain was ready to make rational decisions. You're a victim that needs to heal.

The therapists i seen on psychology today are all advertising using online therapy, via skype and/or facetime so i'll get onto them when i can/when they're available... Im also in the process of looking for a new job since my recent one (which i quit a few days ago) was driving me insane, it required me to just sit/stand there like a zombie, constantly all up in my own negative thoughts and dealing with other people....

I actually tried meditation in the recent past, tried to control my breathing and everything but my thoughts are out of control so i always fail
But i guess like you said it's hard at first...

As for exercise i have actually started doing that before i made my original post, i bought some parallettes just over a month ago, and i do some forms or bodyweight exercises most the time and i recently bought an abdominal exercise roller.. I even go to the park at times and do some form of calisthenics. I also go on walks not all the time but a good amount of times. But like you said i need to make these things daily which i WILL..