Hi i'm 25 and i have serious problem. I've been hooked on Porn for 13-14 years it's left me with great confusion and deep regret about what type of porn it led too. I started out on light porn / vanilla stuff which led to stuff i considered deviant at one point and never was originally attracted too, yet i'm struggling to stop watching Porn.
I've been by myself, alone for the 9 years since i left high school dealing with this addiction avoiding social interaction because i was disgusted and upset where escalating in porn was leading me + dealing with the sexual confusion aspect that comes with it.
Since 2017 i've made a series of bad decisions some worse than others and started to act out on what i seen in porn with hookers regularly. After i binge on Porn it leads to hookers and even at times putting myself in temporary debt/over-draft, because i know how much money i have coming in the next month, i wasted thousands on sex and data to watch Porn.
The worse thing for me tho and it's still killing me till this day is out of the many hookers i've seen in 3 years, 10 of them were Trans hookers, with the the last Trans one being in 2018. I continually use hookers but i have never visited a Trans hooker since October 2018 *mod edit*. All the past problems i've had in the past, like obsessing daily over my sexuality have taken a backseat.
Now what occupies my thoughts pretty much 24/7 is asking myself, "Why the ###$ did you do a Trans for", "no woman is ever gonna want you", "You're a disgrace" , "You might as-well do a Trans again no chick is gonna want to be with you" ... thoughts like that have led me back to almost doing it, but i never have..
I've never actually considered suicide on a serious level since i've always had hope, but since this coronavirus lockdown, i've been indoors everyday, rarely working, up in the night watching many hours of Pornography and getting off and i'm losing hope... and thankfully i haven't used a hooker since February.. and i have No STD's.
I still feel like a 14 yr old boy, trapped in a grown mans body, i've learned nothing since i left school, i have no idea what i want to do with my life, i'm just constantly thinking about my Porn use and Sex, i'm socially immature and my conversations with others at work always circle around to sex and women.
I've tried going to the gym etc.. but i have no lasting motivation or energy..
I've currently broken my my smart phone and got a Nokia 105 and completely blocked pornography, proxies and VPN's on my computer and i can't unblock it because i'm not the admin.
I want to quit porn and hookers entirely, get my life in order and get into what i've always wanted, a proper relationship with a woman.
I just want to know what are the solution available for a broke guy from the UK, with a dead end, part time job *mod edit*???
I am also currently 5 days No P.M.O.