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Coping with Boyfriend's Sex Addiction

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Coping with Boyfriend's Sex Addiction

Postby rollupyosleeves » Sun Jan 05, 2020 7:07 am

My boyfriend and I have been together for 13 years. 7 years ago I found out he was cheating on me with prostitutes when I got herpes. This was the lowest point in our relationship. Since then there has been a major betrayal every year except this last year. On the one hand, he hasn't actually had sex with anyone else in at least a few years now. On the other hand he has only been to a few counseling appointments and that is the extent of his recovery attempts outside of abstaining from his addiction. He knows he has a problem, but he refuses to seek treatment. Today I discovered he is watching prostitute porn. While this is far from the betrayals he has put me through in the past, I am ove again terrified and devastated simultaneously. I don't care about him watching normal porn, but specifically seeking out porn with prostitutes is very concerning to me. I love him and I want this to work, but I don't want to keep getting hurt and I don't know what to do. Talking is pointless. I can't just throw away 13 years of my life and who would even want me with the STD he gave me? I don't know what to do anymore and I can't talk to anyone I know because I don't want to destroy his reputation. Any advice?
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Re: Coping with Boyfriend's Sex Addiction

Postby avatar123 » Tue Jan 07, 2020 9:14 am

Sorry you are going through this. If you are truly convinced talking to him is useless, and he won't make a sincere effort at counseling, then it sounds like he has made his decision, and the only thing you can do is make yours. So it might be best to think about what you really want.

I think it's likely that he will eventually and inevitably relapse, without treatment. The latest episode may be the beginning of that. So you have to decide what's most important to you, and what you want your life to be like. I'm sure it's not fun living with this issue.

One thing you might do to help, is join a support group for people living with sex-addicted partners. You could check to see if there is one in your area (AA can also be a starting place, or a national abuse hotline). There are also on-line communities for this that you could join. I think the experience of talking to others with the same problem, would help you gain perspective, and a better sense of what to do next.

An important thing to keep in mind is that you can't decide for him, it has to be something he really wants to do. So in that sense, the only thing you can really control is your own decision.
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