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was about to indulge in unsafe gay sex

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was about to indulge in unsafe gay sex

Postby jaus tail » Mon Dec 16, 2019 1:37 pm

there are these places where stranges indulge in gay sex. i had to go by such place for some work. first time i didnt indulge in any stuff, but while returning i was about to do it, but the other person stepped away n didnt show interest.
i'm glad he didnt do it, but i feel miserable now. i was sober for weeks and now i feel like why did i have to indulge in that behavior.
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Re: was about to indulge in unsafe gay sex

Postby Snaga » Sun Feb 02, 2020 10:38 am

It's hard not to fall back into sexual patterns, from my experience also. How have you been doing?
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Re: was about to indulge in unsafe gay sex

Postby jaus tail » Sun Feb 02, 2020 12:26 pm

i'm doing ok. have started therapy. have stopped pornography addiction n am controlling my urges. the reason for my nervous breakdown was a failed gay sex attempt at 2013 with a friend/colleague. i regret that incident to this day n wish i hadnt indulged in that. dont know how to forget that incident or let it go.
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Re: was about to indulge in unsafe gay sex

Postby Tyler » Sun Feb 02, 2020 1:31 pm

It's not easy to let go of, but you're taking all the right steps to help. Keep up the good work! :)
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Re: was about to indulge in unsafe gay sex

Postby jaus tail » Mon Feb 03, 2020 12:30 pm

yeah.. its like his ghost haunts me. i feel like his slave. if tomorrow he shows up at my door step n asks me to clean his shoes or wipe his shoes i'll do that. like i just want to be free of him...
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Re: was about to indulge in unsafe gay sex

Postby Snaga » Mon Feb 03, 2020 11:46 pm

jaus tail wrote:yeah.. its like his ghost haunts me. i feel like his slave. if tomorrow he shows up at my door step n asks me to clean his shoes or wipe his shoes i'll do that. like i just want to be free of him...


Out of obligation? Or desire?
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Re: was about to indulge in unsafe gay sex

Postby jaus tail » Tue Feb 04, 2020 2:32 am

obligation. it was his motto to make others feel grateful to him. he'd give them fancy gifts (though he wasn't super rich) n make others feel obliged. he'd bring food for home for the colleagues. once he got hooka for a friend. he tried thrice with me. I returned the gift n that's why we were friends.

back then I was seeking validation from almost anyone. n soon I started romanticizing that this guy is like my guardian or something. i'd have these fantasies that i'm a child. I started liking the imagination where i'm getting all the attention.

n the day he was asked to leave his job, I felt bad. like it's our final goodbye. n I had to do something so I made a gay pass at him to please him.

n i'm glad he refused. but it feels like I owe him. something I tried to avoid when we were friends. now when I look back i'm like 'if he was sad i could've taken him out for a meal or something' but not made a gay pass.
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Re: was about to indulge in unsafe gay sex

Postby Johei » Sun Apr 05, 2020 6:42 pm

Bro, be glad it didn't work out!
I had unsafe gay sex for the first time in 20 years a few months back, and I've been desperately nervous ever since.
There's more than just people in that equation; If you/I get a really bad disease, then what about our families?
Stay strong! (I'm trying to)
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Re: was about to indulge in unsafe gay sex

Postby jaus tail » Mon Apr 06, 2020 2:11 pm

Sorry to hear that you feel nervous.
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