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When does having fun turn into sex addiction?

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When does having fun turn into sex addiction?

Postby Johei » Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:53 am

So...
I hadn't been very sexually active for a few years because I suck at relations, and usually seem to attract people who want to manipulate me.
This changed when I had some traumatic experiences last year, went into therapy, and started opening up emotionally.
There was some kind of perfect storm shortly after my birthday in Februari when I ran into two female tourists, showed them to their hotel, got them some weed.
Now you are not allowed to drink in the weed shops here in the Netherlands, nor smoke weed in bars, so these ladies asked me to come back to their hotel where they had wine and wodka.
I told them that might not be the best idea: barely in the country, you want to pick up some huge older dude, and take him to your hotel room? I levelled with them; 'Look you don't KNOW me... I have done some bad things, some TERRIBLE things, and I only stopped doing them because my sister's children were born'
They said they trusted me; we met through these people recruiting donors for a charity for orphans in Africa, so they knew I loved children, and I told them about my volunteer work at my local retirement home, ergo, I loved old people. They also liked that I was concerned for their safety.
Anyway... one thing led to another.
This improved my self image, so I started eating healtier, dressing better, and working out more.
Then I made a move on this girl at work I really fancied, but she went really jealous on me, so I had to break it off.
Now comes the kicker...
Ever since then, people keep coming on to me!
I had no idea how to handle that; since hwhen am I that attractive?
Had a few flings with ladies, but last Thursday, a GUY came on to me... HARD...
He wanted to go somewhere secluded with me right away, but I told him; 'Look, you're cute, I love your mind (this guy is SMART), but i'm 10 years older than you, twice your size, will that be safe for you?'
He practically want nuts (later found out he was into bondage/domination)
I wanted to take it slow, so I booked us into a nice hotel so there would be people around in case something went wrong.
real nice, helpful girl on the phone, helped us get a suite with a kitchen so I could cook vegan for him (he's vegan, and I hadn't been with a man in 20 years, so I wanted to make it special)
We meet up, head for the hotel, and there is the sweetest girl behind the desk. The moment she speaks, I know she is the one who was so helpful over the phone.
She shows us to our room, we close the door, and I remark; 'Cute girl...'
He: 'Very cute'
Me: (For a joke) 'You want to get her in on this thing?'
He: 'Why not?' (We're both bi)

Didn't give it much thought, but when he returned some cooking utensils to the main kitchen later, he asked her to come by for a drink later.
She did, and... Lots of crazy stuff happened... She was maybe 25 years old.

It gets worse...
Came home after 2 days, met the neighbour lady in the elevator, and she asked me to put up some shelves for her the next day. Did so, took my shirt off because I was sweaty, and... Crazy stuff happened!

But now it gets bad. My best female friend was over the day after. I have known her for 10 years or more, and her boyfriend for even longer. Suddenly I found myself being sexually attracted to her.
I give her a peck on the cheek or forehead all the time, but now, I kissed her on the lips, and she had this look like she... wanted me...
I'm afraid I'm in sexual overdrive. I don't want to ruing long-standing relationships just because I'm suddenly attractive.

I'm getting a new therapist in 4 days. should I tell him/her about this. This is undiscovered country for me. Please help
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Re: When does having fun turn into sex addiction?

Postby wc24x7 » Mon Jul 15, 2019 12:27 am

Yes, you should open up to your new therapist just like you have to us here; there is nothing like telling someone secrets about yourself that will not bring harm or shame to you. I would love to tell family and friends that I am Gay, but I stay in the closet as my present life can't sustain that admission. I try to like women, as is the cultural norm, I see myself with men more so. So go for it, tell them what you told us; you will be glad you have someone who knows.
Be safe, sane and adhere to the absence of the 3 D's, Drugs, Drama & Disease.
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Re: When does having fun turn into sex addiction?

Postby Johei » Sat Jul 20, 2019 3:11 pm

wc24x7 wrote:Yes, you should open up to your new therapist just like you have to us here; there is nothing like telling someone secrets about yourself that will not bring harm or shame to you. I would love to tell family and friends that I am Gay, but I stay in the closet as my present life can't sustain that admission. I try to like women, as is the cultural norm, I see myself with men more so. So go for it, tell them what you told us; you will be glad you have someone who knows.


I feel your pain...
I'm 42, and I have NEVER told my parents I date men because they are so conservative.
I live in the first country to ever legalize gay marriage, and my mother is still against it!
Please don't 'Try to like women' if that's not what you really feel.
If started being more open and honest lately, and feel much better about myself. Always pretending will put so much strain on you you will snap.
Stay strong, bro!
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Re: When does having fun turn into sex addiction?

Postby wc24x7 » Tue Jul 23, 2019 4:26 am

Thanks man, I appreciate it!

The "trying to like women," idea comes from trying to fit in with my heterosexual friends. When I meet a female friend for coffee or breakfast, out or at her place the comments come, like "who is she," "how long have you known her," etc. ? So I play along.

The more I get to know this "lady-friend," the more I am seeing things about her personality I do not care for, so my relationship with her won't go past coffee or a bite to eat.

I want intimacy, who doesn't? But do I really want to be with another woman, or with a man, or just not, of either?

Thx again!
Be safe, sane and adhere to the absence of the 3 D's, Drugs, Drama & Disease.
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