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Uncertain if husband is lying

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Uncertain if husband is lying

Postby necho » Sat May 04, 2019 3:46 am

Hello everyone. I will just jump right in to my concerns.

My husband and I have been married for over 30 years. When he was in college, he was found guilty of voyeurism. He says he was not peeping in to a girl's dormitory window when an officer caught him around the window. My husband told me that he thought he saw a man hanging around the window and went to check it out and the officer didn't believe his story. I have never questioned this again until about a year ago. My husband has shown no signs of porn addiction or other sexual changes. I picked up his phone a year or so ago to use it, he had never minded me using his phone, and an open sex chat page was on the phone. He calmly closed it and told me it was an ad. A month or so later, I checked the history on his phone, because I noticed he kept it by him at all times. He still does. I found several photos of a local news lady, some sensuous, that he had viewed. He also watched the news every day when she was on the broadcast. He went to other websites to follow some of her activities. I did freak out when I saw all of the images on his phone. He denied actually looking for the sites and images. He said they came up when he was looking to see if she was still on that particular news station. I didn't believe him. I still don't. I also found months worth of text messages between him and a male co-worker. They seem to have had a cozy relationship...caring for each other...buying each other meals...creepy, but no sexual content. I use my husband's old laptop. I learned how to check files and places on the hard drive for porn or other info that might be on it...I have found url capture files for gay porn sites, gay chat sites and hard core porn sites. I found a url for snapchat listed on a url capture file (various extensions). He has, over the years, used various cam apps, video enhancing apps, streaming sites and camera sites. He is a computer wiz, so I suspect he thought he erased the hard drive clean when he gave me the computer. He vehemently denies being gay. He denies having ever watched any porn at all. He says he has never used any chat or dating sites. He does not know how any of the things I mentioned got on the computer. He knows I am hurting, but he has gone on like I never said anything and appears to have closed the subject. I am so sad. I would appreciate different views on all of this...maybe I am missing some other possibilities?...I would appreciate your thoughts. Thank you for reading my post.
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Re: Uncertain if husband is lying

Postby Bauer » Mon May 06, 2019 1:04 pm

Hi Necho. I have been reading this forum for a while and have finally officially joined. I think you know the answer to your question but are hoping someone will tell you that you are wrong. I’m in a similar circumstance. It took showing my husband what I found for him to admit his pornography problem, but he will ONLY admit any specific instance when I can specifically show him what I find and even then he will often try to find a way around it. My H is also way more tech savvy than me, but I know that MY phone doesn’t “create” pornography history in my apps or in my browser history. Nor does my son’s phone (which I regularly check) or any of my friends’ phones. If you are finding the history, he put it there. I agree it’s possible to get a pop up or two, but not all the stuff you have described.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Finding this stuff has been devastating for me, but it also explained a lot of behaviors I never really understood. Good luck as you decide what, if anything, you will do in response to your findings.
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Re: Uncertain if husband is lying

Postby wc24x7 » Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:04 pm

Necho, by now you must be aware that the pop-ups are being generated by visits made to similar sights on your ph or PC right? Your husband, like me, is following a hidden secret he may not understand or know about although he is playing along.

The click, click, click of different adult sites, pictures, galleries, movies be they Gay related or heterosexual is like being addicted to sugar, all you want to do is eat. The same receptors in the brain when viewing porn or hungry for sugar are the same I have been told, so it shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that once we taste the sweetness of porn it will be similar to eating a candy bar for the first time.

Studying the reaction of the brain on porn will open up your understanding to the beginning steps of the addiction. Meeting up with live-partners such as your husbands co-worker is taking on a new high for him; it did for me.

I was married for 23 years, was brought up in a nice, Christian home, not one that was overly-religious. Growing up, when I was 9 years old an older cousin wanted to play, "I'll suck yours, if you'll suck mine." Needless to say, nothing came of it. But for nearly every day, I remembered that day and I guess the fantasy of turning someone else on of the same sex got to me.

My ex and I divorced in early 2000, long before my escapades.

Just about 10 years ago, I like your husband, met a guy, someone though that I didn't know. We met at his place and engaged in oral sex. I enjoyed it, all of it. My younger attempt to engage in oral sex joined with my puberty fantasy based Porn addiction finally led to me to having an intamate relation with another man, one I want to do again, but I struggle with this Gay appetite. I want it, more of it. What have we opened ourselves up to has yet to be recognized, but it is not just sex and the climax that follows. Hope this helps
Be safe, sane and adhere to the absence of the 3 D's, Drugs, Drama & Disease.
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Re: Uncertain if husband is lying

Postby Johei » Sun Jul 21, 2019 12:58 am

I'm not sure or your husband is gay, or promiscuous.
i DO see clear signs that he is hyper-sexual, and interested in ascpects of sexuality other than monogamy/hetero-sexuality.
Now this in itself might not be a problem: I myself am going through a hyper-sexual phase, but I have rarely cheated on a partner, and always come clean about it afterwards.
The LYING is the problem.
From your grammar alone, I deduce you are an intelligent person.
Deep down, you KNOW your partner is hiding, lying, etc.
Ask yourself the following questions, unclouded by emotion (I know tis is hard)
1-Can I trust him?
2-Is there a future for us?
2a-Can I grow old with him without it wearing me down to the point I collapse?

If the answer to these questions is yes, hold what you've got.
If the answer is no, find someone you can trust, that you mesh well with.
Nobody in this life will find Mr. Perfect. You just need someone compatible, someone you are comfortable with.

Good luck, dear lady
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Re: Uncertain if husband is lying

Postby chrisallen88 » Sun Oct 06, 2019 4:17 pm

They seem to have had a cozy relationship...caring for each other...buying each other meals...creepy, but no sexual content


This is not an indication of homosexual relations on the surface.

Was the pornographic material gay oriented?

Is there a rule in your marriage that he cannot watch porn?
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Re: Uncertain if husband is lying

Postby winginitx » Fri Nov 08, 2019 12:55 am

I am a married man of 38 years.....and have been through all that. It still amazes me that wives are not intimately familiar with male sexual nature.....the good and the bad.

I am not blaming you, but I put together a blog to explain many things......and a resource for men who struggle.

http://catholicsforsexualintegrity.blogspot.com/

You don't need to focus on the Catholic element of it.....the info is still relevant. Take care and God Bless.
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