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Always cheating

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Always cheating

Postby Magicman4321 » Sun Feb 24, 2019 9:54 pm

Hi all,
I'm a 30 year old married man with 2 beautiful children and an aging wife. You'd think this would be enough for anyone but I always seem to mess things up by cheating.

I really don't think I've had a relationship where I haven't been unfaithful whether it be flirting with another woman to full on sex with someone. Its like I get this huge rush of adrenaline and get excited when someone pays me attention, especially when I know that they shouldn't.

I've been caught out everytime I've been unfaithful to my wife. It started off with social media, talking to an old school friend, then we started talking every day then arranging to meet up but I got found out before this happened.

The latest time was at the beginning of this year. I went away on a weekend away with one of my friends to Amsterdam. We walked around the red light district a couple of times to see what it was like and I turned into a child in a sweet shop. On the last day I caved and went with a prostitute. Then I made my friend cover up for me and never expected to be found out. I was wrong. The day I got home it all came out. I did my very best to try and cover it all up but tripped myself up with my lies.

My wife was very close to divorcing me but I promised her I would never do it again and would seek help.

We've had a LOT of $#%^ happening since we got together really. My wife's ex is still around because they have a child together who I'm bringing up as my own and various other things happening. I'm not trying to use this as an excuse but I've started seeing a counsellor and she thinks that this is a contributing factor.

Anyone else in the same situation?
I'm not sure if this counts a sex addiction or if I just constantly make bad decisions.

Sorry for the long post!!!
Thank you to whoever made it to this point!
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Re: Always cheating

Postby TonyS » Mon Feb 25, 2019 2:47 pm

It sounds to me like an addiction. I’ve been in SLAA for many years and heard stories just like yours.
Yo should look into SLAa and read the characteristics of a sex and love addict.
http://www.slaa-ontario.org/whatisa.php
Maybe they can help. Ask your counselor about it.
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Re: Always cheating

Postby Magicman4321 » Thu Feb 28, 2019 7:10 pm

Thank you for your reply Tony.

Will look into that now
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Re: Always cheating

Postby JoyfulHappy1 » Wed Mar 06, 2019 7:04 pm

Hello there. I am married to a man who is struggling much like you seem to be. Our marital counselor has suggested the possibility of a "sex addiction", but he also suggested other issues like "impulse control" and "promiscuity" which are common in my husband's Bi-Polar diagnosis. It could even be a number of things all overlapping with one another at the wrong space in time. This has been very difficult for me (as I'm sure your wife is struggling, too). My husband's infidelity had not yet turned into an actual physical encounter, but in 3 months, he had began/pursued/engaged in 61+ online affairs. These affairs included much sexually graphic talk, exchanging of nude pics, and even led to exchanging "I love yous" and one proposal of marriage to one of the online women. I have forgiven my husband, but it is still a daily chore/task to find a way to move forward. Some days are better than others. I do commend you for seeking help with your issue. I'm sure that speaks volumes to your wife. I wish you both the best in saving/repairing your marriage. I'm here for both of you if you ever need to talk, bounce ideas off of, or just want a fresh opinion.
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Re: Always cheating

Postby Magicman4321 » Sat Mar 09, 2019 2:09 am

Hi thank you so much for sharing your experience. I can only imagine how difficult it has been for you through your situation. It sounds really positive that you are both going through counselling together and I really hope it helps him and you.
My wife has been amazing. She is really supportive of me getting the help I need. Can I ask, did you catch him out or did he openly admit it to you?

There's a great video of a lady called Esther Perel who gives some really good advice for both people in the relationship.

https://youtu.be/EJB6jvAzsbQ

See if it helps you both.
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Re: Always cheating

Postby Magicman4321 » Sat Mar 16, 2019 12:08 am

I've just realised I wrote "aging wife" but it was meant to say "amazing wife"! :shock:
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Re: Always cheating

Postby jasminN » Sun Mar 17, 2019 2:34 am

hiya this is actually my 1st comment on this site that I found like 30mins ago..i have been in search for some place for a while now where I can come and talk to others about myself being how I am, I came across your title and although im not quite pushed to the limit as yet,, I too feel lured in by those who pay me attention... ive not gone to the far extent as to cheating though I feel I may ..so im a 34 year old woman and im married with children coming on 14years.. I was quite young at the time I know... like all marriages I was loved up and though I still am the intimate part is not the same. I crave to be dominated so hard I could literally scream....I gave myself to this man as a whole and he knew I was crazy about being intimate, ive always been so touchy feely. :roll: I need to have sexual intercourse or any kind of sexual feeling daily to feel tamed regular and if I don't im thinking about doing it so much its even happening in my dreams so bad I wake up touching myself...lately my husband has been having issues with stress from the more work hes been doing since hes been promoted and his lack of performance in the bedroom is taking its toll on me...I know I should be more understanding BUT im a sex addict!!!! I NEED to be taken but I just cant seem to make my other half understand... I just don't know what to do even as I am here now writing this explaning my sexual drive and what I want I desire it
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Re: Always cheating

Postby jasminN » Sun Mar 17, 2019 2:35 am

Magicman4321 wrote:I've just realised I wrote "aging wife" but it was meant to say "amazing wife"! :shock:

lol these things happen :wink:
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Re: Always cheating

Postby Magicman4321 » Mon Mar 18, 2019 12:27 am

Hi jasminN,

Thank you for your reply. It does sound like a frustrating and I can tell you from experience that is really not worth cheating. As tempting as it is, it isn't worth risking your marriage and relationships with your children.
Have you spoken to your husband how you've been feeling lately? Also, how long has it been going on for you now for?
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