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Lust has taken over my life

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Lust has taken over my life

Postby protokute » Mon Feb 04, 2019 7:00 pm

I'm coming here to talk about this cause I didn't know where else to talk about.

So let me introduce myself, I'm a 21 year old man from Brazil, currently studying Biology at university. Since puberty i have fantasized with men, but for a long time I took it only for a fantasy, only embracing my gay sexuality when I first started university and tried a relationship with a girl which didn't work out sexually, but now she's a great friend for me and someone I really love and care, but we're not sexual partners.
At the time, I fell tremendously in love for a male friend from my class at university, he matched all my expectations and physical traits that turn me on, but after i admitted my love to him, he said he cares for me only as a friend and he's not gay. The thing is that I did what most people tell us not to do, I insisted on this love, I thought he was too in love with me, but was insecure about his sexuality, and I wrongly insisted for 3 years, which caused me a lot of pain, frustration, confusion, lack of self esteem. In this time, he got a girlfriend, and I'm still single and in pain. Even after his love rejection, I still called him to hang out with me, I was blindly and madly in love for him, he turned me on in a way I never thought someone could. It was a very confusing relationship with him, although he said he was not gay, sometimes his dick was hard when we were together and he let me sometimes hug him, massage him. After so much pain and confusion from this relationship, I decided to cut relations with him, as it was causing much pain for me and even if he is gay we were just incompatible in a lot of ways, and I think sometimes he knowing my feelings for him he manipulated me to do stuff for him and now I think it's just not worth it, I've tried doing this some times before, but it never really worked and I again fell for him like a little dog everytime. Now I made my decision for good, although it's been hard, I'm not talking to him for a long time now that I'm on the university break, but soon I'll be seeing him again, I think that what difficulted the whole thing was that I had to see him every day at uni.
So.....After reading a lot because of my confusion and trying to understand both my behavior and his like why it was so hard for me to deal with a simple love rejection (I might add that this was the first time I fell in love with someone, and was never in a relationship with someone before) I'm feeling that maybe I might have a sex or love addiction. I fantasize a lot, and masturbate a lot too, I have a hard time having a normal sexual relationship because it's very hard for me to wanna have sex with someone if he doesn't match my fantasies and fetishes, but as soon I see a stranger who match this requirements I go crazy, like really crazy, when I feel atracted to a random stranger, I start having the illusion (or not?) that the person is too crazy about me, even though when I talk to my friends about it, they just say I'm crazy and it's nothing like that, but for me it feels very real. I never have the courage to act on this desire and talk to the stranger, but it surely messes me up for a long time.

I'm sorry if my explanation of the whole thing reads a little messy, but I tried my best to summarize my feelings and anxieties on english. I just wanna have a normal sex life, and not think too much about sex, as it seems it has taken over my life, and it have messed with my other interests and responsibilities. This has taken too much space and time in my life, and I really wanna get over this. I will appreciate the effort on understanding my problem and will answer any doubts that you my have about my problem.
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Re: Lust has taken over my life

Postby manishk012 » Sun Apr 14, 2019 4:10 am

It is possible to control lust using certain techniques.
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Re: Lust has taken over my life

Postby Zoicite23 » Mon Sep 30, 2019 6:04 pm

Hello, I'm a 24-year-old gay man living in Australia. I currently have a younger boyfriend, my third relationship, but I didn't even begin dating until I was 22.

I relate to some of what you've said, so I'll make some conjectures based on my own personal experiences and maybe you'll find some of this stuff resonates with you.

So as you come to accept being gay and start to navigate love and relationships, there are many different hurdles/realizations you come to one after the other. There are basic relationship lessons that straight people also experience. We don't mature in this understanding until much later due to the fact that gay people don't explore dating until later in life - hence why people say that gay people in their twenties (or older) are like teenagers. We've simply not had the experience.

When you're gay (this sounds so redundant to me now at this point) you must never date or fall for someone who isn't out :roll: It is a serious waste of time. Straight people are often attractive, and they often will give tiny gay hints we'll want to make more of in our heads. That kind of hopefulness will always lead to disappointment or heartbreak but most importantly wasted time. I remember when I was younger, crushing on a boy who worked as a cashier and trying to get my friends to find out if he's gay.

I've been there so I understand. But you need to be aware: you will never meet someone you're attracted to and then later find out that they are gay. Even more importantly and only necessary for people who are seriously delusional: you will never meet someone you're attracted to and later find out that they will be gay just for you. This truth no longer feels like a harsh slap to me, I've adapted to it over time out of necessity, and this is what all gay people must do if you are to get a relationship and eventually a successful relationship.

Nothing ever happens or becomes true just because we want it hard enough.

Don't waste your time and don't do it to yourself again.

Your feelings and emotions are not reliable, they will project what you want and often what you need, but it will never come to pass.

You need to find people who are actually gay, from dating apps or gay bars. People who are confirmed gay and from that pool you must select an option to pursue. We aren't straight - we can't meet our potential partner in a bookshop or the grocery store. There are enough problems and issues to navigate without complicating things more. There are plenty of people out there who will give you signs they may be interested, unless they are confirmed gay ignore them. There are plenty of guys who present completely as gay and actually aren't.

There's more I could talk on, this post is simply about the very first hurdle of gay dating and love. I don't want this post to be too long though, so I'll leave this here and hope it helps.
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Re: Lust has taken over my life

Postby chrisallen88 » Sun Oct 06, 2019 4:12 pm

I don't know if this is actually lust.

As to his behavior: the connection you've made seems more like bromance rather than gaymance. You're gay and he's not. There is nothing wrong with his behavior in this scenario.

As to your behavior: It's very normal to take time to process rejection. You want him and he doesn't want you in the same way. It happens; it's life.

I think it's good that you two are still friends.
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Re: Lust has taken over my life

Postby Ironman2005 » Sun Nov 10, 2019 2:40 pm

The same happens to me:
Lust has taken over my life
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