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Has porn addiction turned me into a pedophile.HELP!

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Re: Has porn addiction turned me into a pedophile.HELP!

Postby Tanoujin » Thu Nov 01, 2018 6:39 pm

I was joking, lelouch. I am bisexual, but my libido is down due to medication. My initial intention was to suggest political correct material to you. If you got OCD, this could be helpful, and this thread is about help. For you. It is your thread and I am just a guest.
Now let me tell you, feminist porn is not what you think it is. If you would give it a try, you would never again have to worry whether your consumption is somewhat wrong in ethical terms.

„Feminist porn doesn‘t have to be about soulfully looking into each other‘s eyes. Because there is no amount of foreplay, no level of gender equality, no position, and no amount of eye contact that makes porn get a feminist gold stamp. Feminist porn can be about bondage all day, if that‘s what you are into.

What makes porn feminist is if the performers are treated with dignity and respect off camera. The real questions are: Is everyone tested properly? Are any performers pressured into scenes they‘d rather not do? Are the performer‘s safe words [...] respected on set?“

Writes Navja Sol for apracticalwedding.com in a text that recommends feminist, that is *guilt-free* porn to watch for heterosexual couples...

And guilt is somewhat on topic in your thread. So I tried to show you a way to guilt-free porn to help you get over your obsessive ideas...

But sometimes we fail ;) it was just a try.
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Re: Has porn addiction turned me into a pedophile.HELP!

Postby lelouch » Fri Nov 02, 2018 2:32 am

I'm sorry, I didn't understand your point the first time. I appreciate your advice. There was a time when I liked torture videos on women, but now I really like gentle stuff. All those videos are actually fake, and those who watch that stuff don't really intend to do that, but now watching that type of porn upsets me. You are absolutely right that women should be treated with reapect, because they are also human beings.

-- Fri Nov 02, 2018 7:34 am --

I was hoping I could get a medical answer on my question.
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Re: Has porn addiction turned me into a pedophile.HELP!

Postby Snaga » Sat Nov 03, 2018 1:56 am

Well we can't get a professional response on here, being a peer support forum, professionals can't post here as such in any capacity.

You're only nineteen, and you have a history of OCD... I think you're not, I think that the fear of it is what's eating at you. This thread probably initially belonged in the OCD forum. If it hadn't been for that history, we wouldn't be discussing this, as paraphilias are off-topic in all of Psych Forums as a main topic.

You're going to have to have faith that you're not going to turn into a pedo... no amount of reassurance is going to help, in the long run.
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Re: Has porn addiction turned me into a pedophile.HELP!

Postby lelouch » Fri Nov 23, 2018 7:47 pm

Dear moderator, thanks for all the counseling. But I seriously need some help. Actually, the problem is this. My family relatives just visited today. They bought my 2 year old neice with them. During lunch one of them handed my neice to me and when I held her, I started sweating because I was feeling nervous because of my OCD.

I swear I was not feeling atleast attracted to her, even when holding her. Although, I get erections just by making eye contact with older girls.

But one of my relatives saw sweat on my forehead and started doubting me. Later, he even brought her with him in my room and asked her to talk to me. Since I knew that he doubted me, I sweat again. I feel so scared now thinking what if he tells everyone about me. I don't know how he will think about me in the future, and judge me. What if he makes me hold her Infront of everyone and then what if I start sweating, and then he asks me why I am sweating. I think he is going to do that soon. And I'll be finished. Please, it will be very very kind of you if you just help me. I feel so scared and frightened now. I will be waiting for your help.
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Re: Has porn addiction turned me into a pedophile.HELP!

Postby Snaga » Sat Nov 24, 2018 4:57 am

You're going to have to trust you're not a pedo. And you also can't say for certain that's what they think about you. It seems obvious to YOU, because you're the one with the fear. Just like when people want posts here deleted because they fancy there's a huge red arrow pointing at THEM, when it's only obvious to them. That doesn't mean there's a sign on your head saying pedo.

And nothing I or anyone else can say, will remove the doubt from your mind, until you're ready to take charge of this ocd and call bullcrap on it. I know the thoughts and fears, I've had to squash POCD too. I refuse to dwell on those intrusive thoughts.
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Re: Has porn addiction turned me into a pedophile.HELP!

Postby Parador » Tue Nov 27, 2018 9:05 pm

You are not a pedo. Here's some definitions:

Pedophilia: Attraction to young children(up to 13 yrs old)
Hebephilia: Attraction to younger pubescents(11-14 yrs old)
Ephebophilia: Attraction to later adolescents(15-19 yrs old)

The truth is I think most guys have a bit of Ephebophilia. But real Ephebophilia strictly denotes the preference for mid-to-late adolescent sexual partners, not the mere presence of some level of sexual attraction.

You get hot for woman of many different ages, right?
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Re: Has porn addiction turned me into a pedophile.HELP!

Postby Snaga » Wed Nov 28, 2018 4:25 am

I agree with Parador.

Parador wrote:The truth is I think most guys have a bit of Ephebophilia. But real Ephebophilia strictly denotes the preference for mid-to-late adolescent sexual partners, not the mere presence of some level of sexual attraction.


Far as I'm concerned a guy that doesn't notice nubile young women are blind or gay, or saintlier than I.

Doesn't mean it's a paraphilia. I'd argue that evolution (or design, take you pick of origin theory) biases males towards young fertile women. Doesn't mean we don't know the difference between what as a society we've decided on what's right, from what's wrong. Just means, again- guys aren't blind.

Don't also, confuse the initial thrill of doing something taboo, with really wanting to do that IRL, or having a bona-fide para. It's so hard to lose sight of that when you have OCD. We conflate everything. If I have a thought, I must BE that thought. Well no.
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Re: Has porn addiction turned me into a pedophile.HELP!

Postby KingCDD » Fri Sep 20, 2019 11:13 am

I think I'm an everythingasexual. There's not much that I haven't fantasized about at some stage, to some degree. A person gets like that if they started watching porn and having sex at 5-6yo. I have been masturbating daily/compulsively since I was 9 or 10. I was desensitised and SUFFERING with real erectile issues at 15. While I had major issues with getting hard, the compulsion to masturbate/have sex was as strong as ever. I can't tell you how frrrrustrating that was, and for many years. Although it's much better now, life is far from perfect. At 42 I'm an emotionally and sexually repressed/compulsive disaster.

While there has been many BDSM fantasies, including bits and pieces of what you mention, I don't actually feel bad about any attraction I've ever had. While I'm not in the habit of volunteering my life story to the ignorant, small-minded herd...at the end of the day, they're just silly little fantasies. The only person that these fantasies have ever hurt was ME!!!!

That said, I'm not actually sure what stopped me becoming a sex offender between the ages of about 10 and 13. My god those urges were strong. If I'm to be 100% honest about what did stop me...I'd say that it was nothing more than opportunity. Had I/someone else been in the wrong place at the wrong time...well...that thought is just incomprehensible.

I think that the hysteria surrounding the mere mention of paedophilia is not only OTT, but counter-productive. If we can't face up to our own fantasies, how are we going to deal with them??? Something I have learned about humans is that the ones making all the noise about something are the ones most in denial. And what we resist will persist! There's phenomenal noise surrounding the topic because this is not rare. Some of us are just big enough to face it. Others are so busy keeping everyone else in line that their own hypocrisy spills over.

It is great that you have owned your issue, but I cannot recall you mentioning seeing a psychologist (too lazy to re-read/confirm). There's nothing that I haven't talked with a psychologist about. Also, I have no idea where people find cp on the internet, but if I stumbled upon any, I'd go straight to the cops. I have no idea why you didn't, but I suggest that you report anything that you know about.

The porn aspect of cp is not the victimless crime that many like to delude themselves that it is. Those victims have to WONDER FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES IF THEY'RE ONLINE. So eliminate whatever you can, however you can, just because YOU CAN!

Btw, you could have told your relative that you have an irrational fear of accidentally dropping/hurting children. I think most people have just a hint of that kind of fear. I certainly do.
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Re: Has porn addiction turned me into a pedophile.HELP!

Postby Snaga » Sat Sep 21, 2019 6:22 am

That's something that a lot of people, especially those of us with OCD, have trouble with- remembering that sometimes, a fantasy is just that- a thought exercise with no relation to the real world, or even real desires. I've fantasized about a lot of things, that would be dodgy, at best- including things I most certainly would not want to be realised in the real world. It's just a daydream; that's all. Certain taboo subjects I do occasionally find darting about in my head, I police and strictly limit- I don't have pedophile-related OCD fears, and I'm not about to start. So I prefer to keep my mind away from certain subjects- but I recognise that thoughts, in and of themselves, don't mean much unless they come from a place of... core being, for lack of a better term. But with OCD, we have, like our OP, a tendency to confuse thoughts with actions, I think- intent, at the very least, if not action. If I think it, I must really want that/be that. And that's simply not always true.
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Re: Has porn addiction turned me into a pedophile.HELP!

Postby ganjakites » Sat Nov 16, 2019 10:53 pm

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Last edited by Snaga on Sun Nov 17, 2019 4:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: unhelpful
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