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Porn addiction hopelessness, guilt, worthlessness

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Porn addiction hopelessness, guilt, worthlessness

Postby loner321 » Mon Feb 18, 2013 2:28 am

im 22 yo male,
i started masturbating when i was 12 when i felt very lonely and tried it. it felt really bad and painfull and guilty(i heard about it in school some guys talking)
i was the lonely kid, emotionally abused as a child and never had any friends, i think cuz my father was away and i didnt had any male talking care of me in my childhood,, thats why i was like that
i was also bullied and guys would talk about raping me i was scared in my childhood
i was very intellegent kid and was top in my school
just when i was feeling hopless that these guys would do something wrong to me my father called us to his place and we changed the country
and it became even worse
there i felt guilty and scared of people and i started watching tv and one day when i was searching for channels i found porn stuff that was the first time i watched porn before that only non nude stuff
i got hooked
tried to find ways stay alone and at home because i felt safe at home,, idk i am very scared around other people
i went to school but i soon had selective mutism, i didnt wanted to talk to anyone.
just say yes or no
i would avoid people, get bad grades cuz i wasnt interested in anything anymore, i felt guilty and worthless
years passed and i lost so many years in school, got failed many times..
i then discovered that i had social anxiety for years, that i couldnt talk to people.
then finally i gave up one day and left the school :(
my parents got mad but i didnt cared about it at that time
i then spent 2 years doing nothing at home and that is when i started spending whole days on porn
i watched it before but thats when i started wasting my whole years, i was in absolute no contact with outer world
my father then wanted me to send to a professional school
i was afraid then i said whatever well see
and i went there,, and its like learning the stuff i learned 5 years ago
i hate this school
but i have no choice now
i fell like i have wasted my ability and myself for nothing
after all those years i feel so guilty and worthless and that noone will ever want to be with me
i mean who will
porn made me think all girls are bad and nasty
and even if good girls exist why will i get one?
cuz they are few
and im nasty
i feel numb inside
nowadays i cant even cry
everyday i have to masturbate to sleep, ive distroed my soul my life my body, im so skinny useless
and also im also heart broken
i dont think ill find any other good in character like her
i dont see girls like her
and she didnt knew abt me and its all over
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Re: Porn addiction hopelessness, guilt, worthlessness

Postby 650 » Mon Feb 18, 2013 8:42 am

hey man

i was browsing and found this, registered just to respond to you. it's gonna be ok, you will find other girls. it seems so hard now but focus on your schoolwork and keep plugging away at positive things for YOU. it will get brighter. don't give up.
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