Compulsion to perform oral sex. Warning: Might Offend

I am in recovery for sex addiction. One thing I have never told anyone because I find it very embarassing and shameful is that I crave giving oral sex on guys, especially if I don't know them.

I haven't done this for quite a while and the desire has lessened as a result of working on addiction recovery, but I still have to constantly turn over this desire.

I can't help but think maybe I was molested or something as a child. I know my brother was, and apparently I was there when it happened, but I don't remember it. I first remember having this compulsion when I was around 9, when I actually performed oral on my dad while he was sleeping. Something drove me to do this, and I ran to my room terrified and ashamed. I also performed oral at the request of a peer when I was around 10 (no orgasm in either case).

Does anyone else have this problem, or any feedback? I hate being like this, feeling like a have a perverted characteristic.

perverted is when you would do this against other people's will.

can you explain the feeling you get from satisfying some one orally? what drives you to wanna do this?
i mean, i don't mind doing it with my fiance, and i had a time i didn't mind sleeping with every one that looked okay, but i know why i did it. and i'm wondering if you know why you feel this strong about oral sex with strangers.

Firnlothwen wrote:perverted is when you would do this against other people's will.

can you explain the feeling you get from satisfying some one orally? what drives you to wanna do this?
i mean, i don't mind doing it with my fiance, and i had a time i didn't mind sleeping with every one that looked okay, but i know why i did it. and i'm wondering if you know why you feel this strong about oral sex with strangers.

Thanks.

Well, I usually only have this craving to do it when I am extremely anxious about something. The idea of doing it with a stranger (which is almost always better than the act of doing it) gives me a rush. I think I feel some validation for being good at it, and I prefer if the guy is verbal and/or aggressive.

I read your post and I have the SAME kind of compulsion to perform oral sex on men I don't know. My compulsion started when I was in my 20's, and I believe I understand why. I watched a lot of porn in xxx adult bookstores, and was constantly seeing closeups of girls performing oral sex on guys. The guys in this porn usually treated the girls roughly, using bad language, ordering them to do things, humiliating them, until the guys would cum in the girl's mouths or on their faces or bodies.

At first I identified with the guys when I watched these films, not because I was anything like them, but only because I was straight and it excited me to watch them get oral. But eventually, I started to identify with the girls and imagine myself in the female's place, instead of in the male's.

I also once heard a friend's girlfriend say that when she performed oral on a guy, she felt that SHE was in the position of power, not him. She said that she had his manhood between her teeth and while she would never hurt a guy, knowing she could made her feel power. Also, she said that she felt power knowing that performing oral on a guy and making him orgasm was giving him the greatest pleasure he could have.

So I know that my compulsion to perform oral on guys that I don't know, hearing them verbally humiliate me and order me what to do, having orgasms in my mouth and on my face and body, all comes from watching porn. That's why they need to be strangers too, because the guys in porn are strangers, and when the porn is over, I can go back to my real life. The first time I gave oral to a guy was in an adult bookstore booth, and I did it to satisfy my curiosity of what it would be like. But then I was hooked and kept doing it.

And I also agree that the thoughts of doing it, the anticipation before I do it and the fantasizing after I do it, are much better than the actual act. But I also experience huge amounts of shame at what I've done and that I've enjoyed any part of it.

It sounds like my compulsion is very similar to yours.

Guest-

I strongly believe that sexual abuse when you are very young can have profound effects on a person's life. If you were so young you don't recall it, it surprises me that it would have reflected itself in an oral fixation, but hey, there's a lot I don't know. But to be doing it on your dad at nine certainly indicates some sort of unusual situation in your life. I had seen a few penises by that age, and as I recall was both fascinated and repulsed by them, but I'm sure I would never have thought of doing that to my father, so I think there was something unusual in your personal history to trigger that.

Substitute the word oral with anal and that describes me perfectly. Started off watching women receive anal and now I receive anal from anonymous men in gay bathhouses. Best when he talks dirty to me or pulls my hair or locks his hands around as if bondage. The more humiliating the better. Even do it with door open so that a crowd can watch. Major addiction on my part. Don't know where to start

Hey, not sure if any of the previous posters might still be following this, but I'll add my 2 cents. My fixation on oral sex probably started when I was young. When I was approximately eight my stepbrother, two years older, invited me to do it on him. Having never heard of it he explained it and I decided I didn't want to, and it never happened. Later, I had a friend in junior-high that would come over and spend the night. I never felt anything toward him but once he pranked me by sticking his finger through his zipper and waving it around my face. After that, I would fantasize about it, but it never happened. I never remember being abused by my father, but do remember quite vividly when I started feeling uncomfortable sharing the bed with him. It may have happened and I have blocked it out. He did end up molesting my step-sister, so it's certainly possible.

I wish I could give you a silver bullet solution, but I don't know of any. Perhaps a dildo or something would be more healthy than hooking up with random strangers. I think I wanted to post since my situation is similar and I think may have been caused by influences early in life. I don't consider myself perverted and all this pre-dates any exposure I would have had to pornography, so I don't feel apt to blame that.

Hi. Happy to read that other guys than me have craving for oralsex with other men. I=m a married man with kids, house and everything I wanted. In my darker side there lives a very strong and powerful craving for me to act out in advanced ways. It started when I was about 25. A wish to give a man oralsex came from nowhere and filled me with desire. I didn’t thought about it very much the first ten following years. I builded up my life and have no problems to get women. It=s a different thing with this oralsex with men. I have no wish to have a relationship of any kind. I have friends. The last 15 years of my life I have been acting out and visit pornshops for men only. I have a huge high of being in that situation. A lot of men in the dark and porn movies every were. I almost lost breath of excitement. I have a rock-hard rule for myself. I am not interested in normal sized penises at all. But when I see a really big and strong penis I have no second thoughts at all. I have to take care of him and show him my respect and submission. I kneel down and start to worship his penis. I often come myself when I=m on the floor sucking him of. I don=t care if others see us, that’s just a extra stimuli. I let other men join us and they can ###$ me but I would not take them in my mouth if they have a normal penis. I swallow cum and come me self over and over. This can go on for a whole night and I leave the place by 5 in the morning. Nobody in my life have a clue of this. I can’t handle it myself, I have tried. It’s the best sex I have and love it when I=m in it but ashamed afterword’s. I don=t even talk to the guys in the clubs! Thank´s for not leaving me alone with this defect.

crazyhor wrote:Hi. Happy to read that other guys than me have craving for oralsex with other men. I=m a married man with kids, house and everything I wanted. In my darker side there lives a very strong and powerful craving for me to act out in advanced ways. It started when I was about 25. A wish to give a man oralsex came from nowhere and filled me with desire. I didn’t thought about it very much the first ten following years. I builded up my life and have no problems to get women. It=s a different thing with this oralsex with men. I have no wish to have a relationship of any kind. I have friends. The last 15 years of my life I have been acting out and visit pornshops for men only. I have a huge high of being in that situation. A lot of men in the dark and porn movies every were. I almost lost breath of excitement. I have a rock-hard rule for myself. I am not interested in normal sized penises at all. But when I see a really big and strong penis I have no second thoughts at all. I have to take care of him and show him my respect and submission. I kneel down and start to worship his penis. I often come myself when I=m on the floor sucking him of. I don=t care if others see us, that’s just a extra stimuli. I let other men join us and they can ###$ me but I would not take them in my mouth if they have a normal penis. I swallow cum and come me self over and over. This can go on for a whole night and I leave the place by 5 in the morning. Nobody in my life have a clue of this. I can’t handle it myself, I have tried. It’s the best sex I have and love it when I=m in it but ashamed afterword’s. I don=t even talk to the guys in the clubs! Thank´s for not leaving me alone with this defect.

i have been in your situation i used to trade oral pleasures with an older guy and would feel so low afterwards...but after a few days would pass i would be online looking at adult stuff and would get horny ...send him text message and arrange a way for me to get away from the wife for a bit....mostly would stop by after work to do [b]stuff[/b} with him. we hooked up many times and i would feel the same every time when we were done. So ashamed that i was giving this guy blow job and vice versa. He even bought me a jock strap to wear when i was there. He was mostly a submissive type but i would make him swap roles to suit my needs. Knowing i could never tell anyone what i had been doing with him for about a year and a half

I just wanted to send you a message of support.
Being an alcoholic I understand the nature of addiction and your need to stop it in its tracks for reasons of health. I had written a lengthy response on the structure of Western sexuality in a Patriarchly society. Alas alack, it did not save and is forever lost! I do not have the patience to re-write it all now so I shall skip to the conclusion. As we live in a society that places the male sex above the female, heterosexual sex is largely viewed through the lens of Male dominance and Female submission even though we know this to be ridiculous and unrepresentative of many loving partners. Sex between two consenting adults who are enjoying themselves is always a beautiful thing as many men and women of all sexual orientations can attest.

Our sexuality to a certain degree is shaped by this societal structure from a young age, though each of us has an individual sexuality unique to ourselves. What one heterosexual man or woman likes in bed can vary greatly when compared to other heterosexual couples, and the same applies to homosexuals and bisexuals. Personally I believe we are all bisexual to differing lengths but we conform within our society and close our minds to experimentation, I myself a homosexual male am guilty of it. Once I decided that I largely preferred men to women I instantly began to identify as "homosexual" and conformed to societal conceptions of homosexuality. i.e gay men do not sleep with women EVER. It is not the done thing, but I tell you I have wanted to on a few occasions over the years even though I am visually more stimulated my men. There is often much more to sexual attraction than what we see with our eyes. I have not acted on those impulses through fear and uncertainty, even having thoughts such as "I couldn't sleep with this girl, what would my girlfriends think, would they treat me differently? Would I lose the special status of a male they trust and confide in if they thought that I potentially harboured sexual feelings?" It's all silliness, and for sure an incorrect assumption on my behalf to imagine all heterosexual women do not trust heterosexual men. Alas, knowingly or unknowingly at one stage or another we have all conformed to the societal expectations of our outward sexual orientation as presented to our peers.

Sadly because of a society that places the male sex above the female the act of performing oral sex on a male is still seen as an act of submission and control even though there are millions of men and women who love to do so the world over. It is apparent in our language "Suck my dick" is an insult used to assert dominance over an altercation. Many heterosexual men see it as a grotesque act even though they enjoy receiving it, the thought of being the one performing it fills their minds with feelings of inferiority and submission which challenge the image of male superiority in control. I say many, certainly not all. On the other hand the act of performing oral sex on women is seen as a brave and triumphal act worthy of congratulations and respect. This I have observed repeatedly over the years.

All I want you to know is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying preforming oral sex on men or women and that as long as you look after yourself as best you can and are kind to your fellow man/woman whom you choose to engage with sexually, you are doing the right thing.