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Repressed Sibling Abuse

Open Discussions About Sexual Abuse and Incest.

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You are entering a forum that contains discussions of abuse, some of which are explicit in nature. The topics discussed may be triggering to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum. If you are posting about actions of yours which you feel are/were abusive please post about this in The Remorse Forum. If you have been falsely accused of abusing someone please post in the For Those Falsely Accused of Abusing thread.

Please also note that discussions about Incest in this forum are only in relation to abuse. Discussions about Incest in a non-abusive context are not allowed at PsychForums.

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Repressed Sibling Abuse

Postby desireofpaths » Thu Jan 12, 2023 1:32 am

my brother was my abuser. He touched me for years, and I never remembered until I was 19. I love him to death, he’s someone I’ve always relied on. I told him everything and anything possible. So to realize that, felt unreal. The memory always went away. It would only come to mind every few months and when it did I’d immediately push it down. Recently (I’m 22 now) the thought came again, and for some reason I just needed to research more about it.
I think when I researched before I came to the conclusion that it was normal. But this time I read things and correlated things, and it just made me want to throw up. Memories are coming out of the files In my head and it’s so hard.

he manipulated me, and of course I trusted him, I don’t even truly remember exactly how old I was when it started, but I know I had to be around 6-7 and it went on until at least 10. 
I sit here and try to accept the fact that he was a child, and maybe he really didn’t understand, but he’s 4 1/2 years older than me. He knew it was wrong, and i know now he knew because I remember the things he said to me, and how he would act. I remember him looking out the window, or us rushing to stop because our mom pulled into the driveway. I realize now I always had thoughts about that specifically, but my brain chopped it up as a dream, and I believed it.
It amazes me because my own mind protected me. If I hadn’t forgot about what he did to me I would of struggled so much harder than I’ve struggled already. 
I even think about the power dynamic we have now, and I can no longer stand for it. He still treats me as this person he can walk all over and manipulate. And the hardest thing about it, is I love him, and care so much about how he would feel to know that I KNOW. Because there no way in hell he doesn’t know what he did. 
it explains why it was so awkward when it concerned hugging him. I should not feel weird hugging him and now I know why. It disgusts me . I’m at a crossroad. I have to distance myself because when I get angry with him I don’t know what I’ll say, and saying this is something I will take to my grave. He could never I know, because he wouldn’t be able to handle it. And it may be wrong to say, but I can’t be the reason he hurts himself, even if he hurt me.
Last edited by Snaga on Thu Jan 12, 2023 1:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: superfluous phpBB tags removed, no other edits
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Re: Repressed Sibling Abuse

Postby BrokenAndBroke » Thu May 25, 2023 10:01 pm

I have a similar experience. I’m so sorry what you went through. I was molested by my older sister. (I’m a man btw) I spent a lot of time asking myself whether my sister knew what she was doing. I was 5 when it first happened and it happened a few more times. I don’t remember much but it has affected my life in ways I can’t begin to explain. She was 14 when she molested me. I did eventually tell my parents I was molested but to this day I’ve never been able to tell anyone who it was. Not even my wife knows. I only feel comfortable saying it here because of the anonymity. I wish I had the answers for how to deal with the trauma but all I can offer is empathy from someone who understands the betrayal of trust you must feel. Stay strong.
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