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Can you still love your incest abuser? Help?

Open Discussions About Sexual Abuse and Incest.

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You are entering a forum that contains discussions of abuse, some of which are explicit in nature. The topics discussed may be triggering to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum. If you are posting about actions of yours which you feel are/were abusive please post about this in The Remorse Forum. If you have been falsely accused of abusing someone please post in the For Those Falsely Accused of Abusing thread.

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Re: Can you still love your incest abuser? Help?

Postby Chels91 » Sat May 14, 2022 11:33 am

Well, so much for that plan. What an absolute cluster. I hope your parents will get your sister some professional help. That seems to be the only option at this point.
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Re: Can you still love your incest abuser? Help?

Postby Emma9123 » Sat May 14, 2022 6:59 pm

Mum and dad have an appointment with the doctor on monday morning. I’m glad they’re doing something, hopefully he will be able to help.
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Re: Can you still love your incest abuser? Help?

Postby Snaga » Sun May 15, 2022 4:53 pm

Emma9123 wrote:Mum and dad have an appointment with the doctor on monday morning. I’m glad they’re doing something, hopefully he will be able to help.


Good God almighty.

It's taken me two hours to write this. In 40 years you'll know exactly what I mean when I say one of the first mental faculties you lose is your filter. So many things could fly off my fingers right now because when you get old? you just don't care about holding back any more. I've written and rewritten.

Two mean thoughts: one of those thousand-dollar robot babies that rats on you if you don't take care of it like a real one; and finding the 'gross STD photo of the day' on your bed every evening.

I can't keep you imprisoned 24/7, but I sure can as hell show you the potential consequences of unrestricted indiscriminate sex, and I can make you understand that the clock is ticking and on your 18th birthday my obligations end.

What else is there? Can only get so medieval on her without her getting the stupid notion to run away or constantly sneak out at night. Risk losing her forever. I do not envy your parents, but remember this is their problem, not yours.
Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also confusing and terrifying.

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Re: Can you still love your incest abuser? Help?

Postby Snaga » Sun May 15, 2022 5:09 pm

Also considering we're up to six pages on this thread, don't be surprised if I decide to split this topic, and move the Sister Saga to a new thread in a different forum- perhaps Significant Others, Friends and Family. We've gotten far afield of your abuse here. Just depends on if I think I can find a good break-off point without making Swiss cheese of either subject. I'll have to give it a think. I'm afraid it's all on me- I should have thought to do this at the beginning but didn't know Sister was going to be the handful she apparently is.

I was wondering how long Auntie could handle her. I had a feeling it would not be a long time. Sorry it was only two days. But really you will need to learn to just detach yourself as much as you can from what your sister does. Consider the wisdom of Elsa....

Image

At least you have PF to vent about it. If you find the need to talk about her is an ongoing thing (because you have to let it out somewhere, right?), you might consider beginning a blog here, or a thread in the Journal Forum. The big difference being that in the Journals forum, you can specify replies welcome or not welcome. In the blogs, others are always allowed to reply- although both choices are always moderated so inappropriate replies will be weeded out before being allowed to be published.

And if you want to go really medieval, there's the Venting forum (no replies at all) for really wicked, angry, one-off vents. We can't fix your sister, but we can help you deal with it.
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Re: Can you still love your incest abuser? Help?

Postby Emma9123 » Tue May 17, 2022 12:27 am

I don’t really think my aunt knew what she was in for. She got a lot more than she bargained for. So did my cousin, although I don’t think he was complaining. I’m doing my best to let it go, i’m keeping my distance from my sister and brother, well as best I can in the same house. It’s time I try and sort myself out and deal with my own abuse, I don’t expect I’ll be updating again about my sister as she’s already taken up too much of my time and headspace. It’s not the right time to tell mum and dad about my uncle, they’ve enough to deal with. I also need to work out if I’m going to. Thanks
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Re: Can you still love your incest abuser? Help?

Postby Terry E. » Tue May 17, 2022 9:32 pm

I agree your Mum and dad right now are fully stretched. The stress from your siblings can end relationships or cripple them. Every one would like someone to blame for this stuff and that can have them looking at each other in ways we don't want.

Everything that I have read here has me thinking you may need more time before confiding first with just your mum and then taking it from there. When you do tell her the reaction of the parent can be of enormous pain and guilt. This can be compounded by the survivor reaching out for answers on how to fix their broken life. Again this can be crippling for the parent. Parenting is biological and if all goes well, money, health relationships -then it can be like TV and they can be this awesome resource to help us. Often though life has not been quite what they dreamed and they just do their best. ( I am sure they never dreamed about your bro and sis)

I think you can probably get where you need to go without their help. I am sure of it. I think it may be your last step. You will have plenty of time after this challenge. Try and be the best version of you that you can be. Make them proud that despite what happened you have managed to get through it.

Take care.
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Re: Can you still love your incest abuser? Help?

Postby Emma9123 » Wed May 18, 2022 4:55 pm

Thank you Terry, yes mum and dad have a lot on their plate. I’ll not go into detail but my sister is still at it and i’m thankful she’s on the pill. The doctor thinks he knows what it is and can help her. I think my dad is still in shock at some of the things she’s done and is continuing to do, or trying to do. For me, I just can’t land any of my issues on them on top of all this. My behaviour isn’t normal but I know it’s not and I at least understand why. I hope I can get where I need to go without their help. Keeping my own behaviour and urges in check and not letting older men touch me and more will be a great start. I really appreciate your message.
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Re: Can you still love your incest abuser? Help?

Postby Snaga » Thu May 19, 2022 1:52 am

Emma9123 wrote:My behaviour isn’t normal but I know it’s not and I at least understand why. I hope I can get where I need to go without their help. Keeping my own behaviour and urges in check and not letting older men touch me and more will be a great start.


And that is a mark of maturity... not that we expect you to be perfect, sweetie. Sexual urges can be darn hard to hold back. But you recognise for your own good, you need to um, not encourage older guys.

At least not while you're a minor. You might find yourself to always have a thing for older men. My sexuality I think was fairly influenced by my pederast, and so yeah I have my 'things' and 'types'. Once you're an adult though, you'll have more freedom and well, if your parents have problems with it, they'll adapt. When you find yourself struggling, maybe it will help to remind yourself that once you're an adult you're free to date whomever you want.
Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also confusing and terrifying.

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Re: Can you still love your incest abuser? Help?

Postby Emma9123 » Thu May 19, 2022 2:56 pm

Thank you Snaga. I do try to be mature about things and think that I am mature, my family mightn’t always agree with that. The sexual urges are damn hard to ignore, I really wish I could! It’s like, when I get horny, which is a lot, that’s it! Common sense is out the window and I have no control. It’s been like that since I was around 11, though with the sexual stimulation before that I’d get feelings I shouldn’t as a kid but back then, other than was was done to me I didn’t invite it, until puberty. I would like to get the control back more than anything. While I’ve always kind of been drawn towards older and even old men, it’s complicated. Sure some are attractive to me and some are hot as hell! But some aren’t, some are just old men who I’m not even attracted to but I still do it regardless. I’m still trying to work it all out in my head. If my uncle hadn’t introduced me to sex at such a young age would I still have these urges for old men, I expect not and I then might have had a normal puberty and normal relationships with boys. He’s got a lot to answer for, and I know he’s really sorry. Bit it might be easier if he wasn’t sorry so that I could put the blame on him. I’ve had so many sexual experiences until now that I wish I could hit a delete button in my brain to delete all of it. I really can’t tell my parents anything.
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Re: Can you still love your incest abuser? Help?

Postby Chels91 » Thu May 19, 2022 5:06 pm

Emma9123 wrote:I’m still trying to work it all out in my head. If my uncle hadn’t introduced me to sex at such a young age would I still have these urges for old men, I expect not and I then might have had a normal puberty and normal relationships with boys.

One of the most frustrating parts about it all is not knowing if this is simply how you are regardless or if you were made this way. I'm a rare example of being molested as a child having the opposite effect on my sexuality - I have virtually no interest in any kind of sex and don't even get aroused as if I'm totally asexual. I could be. But just for my sexuality or lack thereof but for my personality as well. I'm probably one of the most deadpan people you'd ever meet and don't show much emotion or reaction to things. At least you're still young and have plenty of time to figure all of that out.
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