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Is it really rape….

Open Discussions About Sexual Abuse and Incest.

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Is it really rape….

Postby Freedom3118 » Mon Nov 29, 2021 4:36 am

Is it really rape if we were married? I said no but he beat me and did it anyway but we’re married so I don’t know. It happened a lot during our marriage. He drugged me too. He made videos. He invited one of his friends do it one night when he drugged me. I just don’t know. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe if I hadn’t said no and just done what he wanted then he wouldn’t have hurt me.
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Re: Is it really rape….

Postby Terry E. » Mon Nov 29, 2021 7:48 pm

I think right now it depends on the culture and country. In almost all western nations that would be viewed as rape. You were in a very abusive relationship. Physically, emotionally. The coercive behaviour he used is now categorised legally in our country as " domestic violence" .

You were worth much more than he showed you. You deserved much better.

It will/may take time but, I would seek out other survivors of domestic violence, to get some tools to rebuild your self esteem. Check resources, web sites. It has taken a battering.

... and to ease your mind of guilt that somehow it was " you'', no matter what you did he would have always asked for more. I have a friend who found a wonderful guy ... who bit by bit, wore her down until she became his meal ticket (a sex worker). No matter what she did he could find something else worse for her to do. At least you drew a line. Take some pride in that.

Take care.
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Re: Is it really rape….

Postby Snaga » Mon Nov 29, 2021 10:46 pm

Terry E. wrote:I think right now it depends on the culture and country


As a legal matter...

Otherwise, it sounds like abuse to me. Beat? Drugged?

Abuse. If this wasn't a consensual D/s relationship, then it's abuse, far as I'm concerned.
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Re: Is it really rape….

Postby Chels91 » Tue Nov 30, 2021 1:10 pm

Absolutely, it was rape! When you’re drugged, you cannot consent to it, so that is rape. It doesn’t matter if you’re married. That’s called marital rape.

I’m sorry you had to experience this horrible abuse. Please don’t apply any sort of blame to yourself. If you had just done what he said, it would’ve only made it easier for him to hurt you. You’re not at fault for anything. I hope you referring to being married in past tense means you’re now out of that relationship. I wish you all the best and hope you can get the help you need to overcome this.

I highly recommend using this site more. As a survivor of abuse myself, I’ve found this site to be a great place for discussing and venting your feelings regarding your trauma. It’s led to me getting therapy to finally address my issues in a more personal way. If you do decide to use it more, I hope it’s able to help you as well. Take care and best of luck to you, all the same.
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