Our partner

Abused and control by my mother for years

Open Discussions About Sexual Abuse and Incest.

Moderators: Terry E., Snaga

Forum rules
You are entering a forum that contains discussions of abuse, some of which are explicit in nature. The topics discussed may be triggering to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum. If you are posting about actions of yours which you feel are/were abusive please post about this in The Remorse Forum. If you have been falsely accused of abusing someone please post in the For Those Falsely Accused of Abusing thread.

Please also note that discussions about Incest in this forum are only in relation to abuse. Discussions about Incest in a non-abusive context are not allowed at PsychForums.

Thank you for your cooperation.

The Mod Team

Abused and control by my mother for years

Postby inlandsea » Fri Aug 27, 2021 5:26 pm

Starting at a very young age and lasting until I was 15 I was sexually abused by my mother. It started out during my bath time and then later on at bed time. There was inappropriate touching and kissing of my body and I was, from time to time encouraged to do the same to her. This slowly escalated until sex was taking place by the time I was 14.
My parents had separated when I was 11 and I am at least 10 years younger then my 3 siblings, so by the time I was 10 I was left alone with my mother.
The sex stopped abruptly when I was 15 with my mother walking into the room at bed time and just saying "NO". In my mind that was almost more damaging then the sexual abuse had been as I had become accustomed to it and been conditioned to expect that sort of attention from my mother.
From there the relationship became more emotionally abusive and much, much more controlling. That would last well into my 20's when I was finally able to save enough money to get out. She took control of every aspect of my live......I was not allowed to have friends over, or even talk to my friends after school. I couldn't get a summer job, or leave the house with out her. I wasn't allowed to have a girl friend that she didn't pick out for me (those that she did pick out were always either not interested in me, or in one case she picked out my first cousin and tried to cultivate an incestous relationship there).
At 18 I tried to join the military as a way out but fail my physical do to a previously undiagnosed heart problem. My mother found me a minimum wage job that I was stuck in until I was 25. I ended up secretly taking out a personal add in the local news paper (this was long before the internet) and found a young divorcee that was ready for a fresh start. That was my way out and I took it.
I'm 51 now and still dealing with the scars of what my mother did to me. She is 90 years old now and I have tried to talk about it with her. But, all I get back is "it was a long time ago, get over it".
It's hard to get over it and I feel like I'm in this alone.
inlandsea
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Aug 17, 2021 7:48 pm
Local time: Wed Jan 26, 2022 4:12 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Abused and control by my mother for years

Postby Snaga » Fri Aug 27, 2021 6:41 pm

Hello and welcome!

Yes, it was a very long time ago.

No, we don't just 'get over it'. All I had was a pederast and a bunch of 'bad touches', I'm older than you and that man still lives in my head.

I can see how it crushed you when she cut it off- I've spoken here and elsewhere with adult victims of parental sexual abuse that started early, and it becomes a natural-feeling expression of familial love- I can think of at least two forum posters that, at the time of posting, were still in sexual relations with their opposite-sex parent- and voluntarily (if reluctantly) so. And a girl I knew elsewhere online, that was still occasionally having sex with her father and didn't consider it personally evil- although she understood on an intellectual level that it was deviant family behavior.

So yeah- your mother lavished attention- that you're wired to enjoy- on you- and then abruptly removed it! It must have felt as if she no longer loved you at all.

I wonder why 15? Could it have been fear of discovery, or fear of pregnancy? Or did it get too much for her- but at the same time, she couldn't bear to let you go, either. I rather tend towards that explanation for being so controlling- suddenly, for whatever reason in her mind, you were 'unavailable', but maybe she still had to have you.

First cousin... eh. Depends on where you live. It's legal in my neck of the woods and it's a little unusual but hey if cousins were good enough for Europe's finest royal families, who am I to judge? I once dated a third or fourth cousin- it was mildly amusing to joke about it.

Seems as if she deliberately tried to derail you with other girls, though- by choosing ones destined to crash and burn, maybe? Or maybe she just had her own set of standards for a suitable successor to her?

I'm glad you got out- are you still with the girl you met via the advert?
Image

Currently away please contact another moderator thanks

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 18658
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Local time: Wed Jan 26, 2022 3:12 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Abused and control by my mother for years

Postby inlandsea » Sat Aug 28, 2021 3:44 pm

Thanks for responding. 15 is the age when my father moved back in to the home, although as I remember it was several months after the sex stopped. I don’t remember the exact details of the day she cut me off other than pulling back my blanket to welcome her into bed as I had done every night before. I do however remember the rejection and how it made me feel. I believe it was just a control thing since she was no longer able to get pregnant by that time.
As far as the cousin thing it is perfectly legal here and does happen from time to time. In this case though it was done in secret and the fact that me and my cousin were having making out with my mother watching and coaching us would definitely not been ok with my aunt and uncle.
The other girls that were selected for me seemed to all be so far out of my league as to ensure that my self esteem would always be kept low.
I’m no longer with the woman I met when I was 25. It was a train wreck and we divorced after a very long 5 years. I have since remarried and my wife and I have adopted 4 foster children. It was while taking trauma classes to be better able to help my adopted kids that I realized just how screwed up my life was.
inlandsea
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Aug 17, 2021 7:48 pm
Local time: Wed Jan 26, 2022 4:12 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Abused and control by my mother for years

Postby Snaga » Sun Aug 29, 2021 9:25 pm

I get angry about CSA because of how it steals innocence away- even if I have often fantasized over the years about me and my pederast, I still recognise it was an injustice and get.. irritated on peoples' behalf, even when they don't themselves feel as if they'd been victimised. It warps a person- forever, as far as I'm concerned. I mean a person can get over it enough to have a good life but still it's something that can't be unlived.

Your father returning seems to explain that very well- possibly when she was fairly certain he'd be coming back, she cut it off, you think?
Image

Currently away please contact another moderator thanks

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 18658
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Local time: Wed Jan 26, 2022 3:12 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Abused and control by my mother for years

Postby inlandsea » Mon Aug 30, 2021 3:12 pm

Honestly, I don't think either one of us knew he would be moving back in at that time. It was purely a financial arrangement anyway. They lived under the same roof, but led totally separate lives until my fathers death in 2001. I firmly believe that stopping what had been going on was just a form of control.
inlandsea
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Aug 17, 2021 7:48 pm
Local time: Wed Jan 26, 2022 4:12 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Abused and control by my mother for years

Postby Snaga » Mon Aug 30, 2021 10:44 pm

Could be. The other male that has been in forum that I recall off the top of my head was a man in his 20s who still has sex with his mother- he wanted to find a way to stop it so he could have a life of his own- I believe he said anytime he gets interested in a girl, his mom gets a tad jealous....

I'm just surprised I guess she'd cut it off for no reason. I wonder if she was punishing someone else by proxy? Do you know of any CSA she went through?

Or hey, back when we had a Paraphilias forum, it wasn't always men who were pedophiles, hebephiles, or ephebophiles- mayby Mom was a pedophile/hebephile, and when you got too old, she didn't want the sex any more. I seem to recall some of the pedophiles that would post in the Paraphilias forum, being pretty locked into 'this age range and nothing else'.

Eventually, misuse forced the closure of that forum and all paraphilias as a main topic are verboten. But it's still here, Read-Only, if you want to peruse it and see if anything resonates with the way your mom behaved.
Image

Currently away please contact another moderator thanks

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 18658
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Local time: Wed Jan 26, 2022 3:12 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Abused and control by my mother for years

Postby Jake95xx » Sat Dec 04, 2021 2:26 pm

Snaga wrote:The other male that has been in forum that I recall off the top of my head was a man in his 20s who still has sex with his mother- he wanted to find a way to stop it so he could have a life of his own- I believe he said anytime he gets interested in a girl, his mom gets a tad jealous....
.



I think this could be me ? (if it is, then i thank you Snaga for remembering my story)

i can definitely relate to parts of Inlandsea's post, the physical side of their relationship and some of the controlling, although the controlling for me was to deter me from dating anyone, but i sympathise with your situation and it definitely makes me wonder if my own experiences will haunt me later in life ? i'm not sure how i would've emotionally dealt with my Mum just cutting things dead (even though that's what i wanted) i guess a part of me would've blamed myself or wondered what i did wrong ? and it would've probably made me question her love for me ?

it's been 5 years since i posted my story in this forum, and i did a 2 year update 3 years ago, i still pop in from time to time to read other peoples stories and see if i can repay the help and kindness that i was given
Jake95xx
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 89
Joined: Thu Oct 29, 2015 4:29 pm
Local time: Wed Jan 26, 2022 9:12 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Abused and control by my mother for years

Postby Snaga » Sun Dec 05, 2021 12:30 am

Jake95xx wrote:I think this could be me ? (if it is, then i thank you Snaga for remembering my story)


Good to hear from you!

Whether such things 'haunt' or not, it remains that childhood memories are going to have sex interwoven in and out of them when remembering a parent that does such things. And I suppose, depending on the child, that's going to be a source of sadness; or anger; or loathing; or wanting, for that matter. And it's all on that parent that did that.
Image

Currently away please contact another moderator thanks

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 18658
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Local time: Wed Jan 26, 2022 3:12 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Sexual Abuse and Incest Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google Adsense [Bot] and 371 guests