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emotional incest

Open Discussions About Sexual Abuse and Incest.

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emotional incest

Postby javalous » Thu Mar 26, 2020 6:54 pm

hi all, im a new member to this forum and i made this account to talk about my experience with emotional incest and to maybe find others who have been through anything similar. i feel very alone right now due to the rarity of emotional incest, but i figured a forum like this was a good place to find others who share my experiences.

for those who dont know what it is, emotional incest is the relationship a child has with their mother or father that is unhealthy and inappropriate in that the parent treats the child like their sexual partner, therapist, or "best friend." no sexual contact is made, but the parent is usually uncomfortably open about their sexuality, their childs sexuality, or is flirtatious and overshares about their sex life. The parent looks to the child for emotional support, attention, and validation. The parent often relies on the child for their opinion on adult topics, putting the child in the place of responsibility, reversing the roles. This sort of unhealthy relationship, though not overtly sexual, has some of the same lasting effects on the child that sexual incest does.

i am a victim of emotional incest. My dad has done this to me since i was 14.
at age 14, my parents experienced relationship issues after 21 years of marriage, and subsequently got divorced when i was 15. Due to this, my dad, being 52 years old, and a narcissistic addict with bpd and adhd, began to turn to me for validation and emotional support. it very first started when i had to talk him out of killing himself back in 2016. since then, and since the divorce, i have been the one he talks to about his relationship problems, and about all of the new sexual relationships he has been in since he was with my mother. He has told me about every girl hes dated, shown me pictures of them, and constantly forces me to validate him and tell him hes "got game" even at his old age. he tells me he has sex and tells sexual jokes about himself and others that make me very uncomfortable considering i was raped when i was 13. he calls my mother is a bitch, a @@@@@@@, a whore, idk, any other degrading name for a female you could think of. he hates her new boyfriend (even though hes done nothing wrong) and convinced me to hate him to, because if i dont, he'll think im betraying him and im not on his side. he constantly talks to me about how badly he wants to die, and tells me he could die any day all the time (he has congestive heart failure). he always comes to me to tell me about his feelings, and never lets me talk about mine. my dad has also supplied me with drugs like xanax, adderall, speed, weed, and ecstasy for a long time, and is the reason that i do drugs at all now. this has been going on for years, and this was just everything from before he started living with us again.

last november, my dads room mate and best friend died of a seizure. since then, he has been homeless and jobless, and has moved in with my mom, brother and i and stills lives with us today. since he has moved in, my life has gotten ten times more stressful because he is now constantly around me, and absolutely never leaves me alone. i rarely have privacy anymore because he doesnt work, so he is home all the time, and whenever im home, he wants to be around me. recently, he has literally started to come into my own bedroom just to sit on my bed and be around me when im trying to have privacy. he follows me around the house and constantly wants to hang out with me and chat with me, and when we do talk, it is 98% him monologueing and 2% me agreeing with him. he doesnt listen to me talk and makes everything about himself. he constantly makes me cook and clean for him and is essentially a ######6 manbaby that i take care of. and, the very worst thing he does in my opinion, is he steals my things and my money, and forces me to buy him cigarettes, soda, and food. he hasnt worked in months, and so i spend $6 on a pack of cigarettes for him about once every ten days or less, and he easily owes me over $200 in that alone, and at least another $100 on his food and soda. he also steals my clothes and various things from my room often, and im convinced he stole and pawned my nintendo switch which i spent $200 replacing the other day. i cant leave my cash or change out anymore because he will steal it every time. if i confront him about any of this, he guilt trips me and makes me feel terrible so i keep buying him what he wants.

he constantly berates and abuses my mother, who is letting him live with us for free, and gets me to agree with him and wont let me stop or criticize him, so my mother thinks i hate her too and our relationship has been very strained for this reason. my dad has groomed me to make him my favorite parent since i was a little kid, and has literally always for as long as i can remember tried to distance me from my mother. since im his favorite, and i am an emotionally intelligent and caring person, he has used this to his advantage and i am now his therapist. i dont even feel like he loves me anymore, i just feel like hes using me.

if anyone here has a parent similar to this, feel free to post here and talk about it if you are comfortable. i think it might make me feel better and more validated to see that there are people in the world who share my experience. this is really taking a toll on me and i could use the support. thank you for reading and please stay safe.
javalous
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