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My family wants to confront him

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My family wants to confront him

Postby AShatteredSoul » Sun Sep 08, 2019 1:33 pm

So I recently, like a few months ago?, finally decided to tell my mom & stepdad that my dad had been the person who abused me. I told that someone had did something to me, years ago, but I didn't know who back then.
Anyways my mom asked when she could confront him and I told her never.

Now I told my 2 brothers about what happened. One of them wants to talk to our dad about it, the other said why what would that do? I told him if he needed to then he could, but it's not like he'd admit what he did. he would just lie about it.
I told them if they didn't believe it then I would understand, because I didn't want to believe it for so many years. Honestly I still struggle to believe it because he's my dad & we had a close bond at one point, or so I thought anyways. I still have doubt, even though I have clear memories of him doing stuff to me. Of him raping me.

My brother who wants to talk to him, thinks maybe he could get him to admit it & get him help. Because my mom said she thinks he's sick. She also obviously thinks he's an asshole & wants to kill him. But that's not how it would go. If my dad thinks that my brothers believe "my Lies" then he probably won't let them go over anyways.
The #######5 part is we have a little half brother & we obviously want to still be in his life, which is why I really didn't want to tell my brothers because I wanted them to atleast still see him, so my little brother wouldn't think we had abandoned him.
But everyone told me that I needed to tell my brothers because they had a right to know. My brother who didn't want to talk to him about it, has a family of his own now, and has 2 little girls & a baby on the way. It's not like he goes over to see our dad anyways, but my mom was worried about it.
My mom kept telling my I had to tell them & My grandmother told me I should tell them. & I'm going to be going to an Inpatient hospital program, sometime in October, so my mom told me I should tell them before I go so I can have a new start. I decide Friday that I just didn't care anymore, so we told them yesterday.

I don't know, I said I didn't care if my one brother wanted to talk to our dad. But I do. But I also feel like my mom and my brothers have the right to confront him. Do I really have the right to stop them from doing so?
I just feel like if they do talk to my dad, my dad is going to be extremely pissed off & will probably try contacting me & I don't know if I can handle that. I know he'll be mad because 2 years ago I drunk texted him and told him I know what he did. That's all I said to him & he blew the whole thing up. He called my mom and told her that I accused him of sexually abusing me. & Why would he say that since that's not what I said to him? & he got mad at me & then he put the blame on me saying I had hurt him. Then he continued to call my mom saying he needed to explain things. When I told him I was drunk and didn't know what I was talking about. It should have ended there but he kept dragging it on...

So I know he'll do the same $#%^ if anyone confronts him. I just can't deal with that $#%^...

I just don't know what to say to anyone. This whole damn thing is extremely hard for everyone...
My Scars, They are like stripes on a Tiger.
What makes Him unique. Makes Him Beautiful.
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They Are My Stripes.
To show, I do have Willpower, Strength & Courage. That I Am Beautiful. No matter what anyone says. (Even Myself)
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Re: My family wants to confront him

Postby avatar123 » Sun Sep 08, 2019 10:46 pm

Shattered, sorry again that you are still going through all of this. I know it's a lot to handle.

I think now that it's out there, it's somewhat out of your control, and different members of your family are going to process it in different ways. So you have to let that happen in the same way that you had to let it happen for yourself. They are no different than you in that respect, their reactions will likely develop over time as they learn to deal with it, just as yours has.

I think you could reasonably tell them what your preferences are for how it should be handled, in a discussion where you also consider their views, and try to come to an agreement with them. But in the end they will have to act as they think best, just as you have.

The main thing is to see that what takes place from this point forward, in their relationships with your father, is up to them and him. It's really their responsibility to work that out now. So whatever goes down between them, you should keep the focus on your own well-being. They are responsible for developing their own viewpoints and actions. You have to trust your family enough to let that happen, to let them support you in their own ways.

I don't think your half-brother will think you abandoned him, if you keep the lines of communication open and try to keep him out of it as well. He may be too young to understand. If your father chooses to interfere with that and make things worse for the family, that's on him, not you.
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Re: My family wants to confront him

Postby Terry E. » Mon Sep 09, 2019 5:37 am

I agree with Avatar completely. Personally you are in the hardest position to be in. Keep it to yourself (which can really get you in the end) or tell people who will then understand you better but will be in pain for a while.

They sound like they love you a lot. I agree with letting your thoughts be known as you have here then you have to let them deal with it in their own way. You did not cause this, but there is no easy way forward for them or you.

You may also find that you supplied them with a missing piece to a puzzle. Who knows what memory links this may produce.

and the final one, of course is one day your brothers may have little girls. You have gone a big step to making sure those little girls will be protected.
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Re: My family wants to confront him

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Mon Sep 09, 2019 7:13 pm

One of your brothers does have little girls, right? Who knows if, as they get older, your brother would have let them have more of a relationship with your father?

I agree that now that your brothers know, it’s up to them what they do with the information. But please protect yourself emotionally. Block your father completely from contacting you, and if necessary let your other family members know that you don’t want to hear about their interactions with your father, at least not at present.
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