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Disclosure and triggering others

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Disclosure and triggering others

Postby Jen123 » Sun May 19, 2019 5:31 pm

I heard someone give a talk in a work setting where they disclosed sexual abuse as a child. This has caused me to think about my own abuse. I also talk to people about abuse. I feel that by talking about it people will feel less alone. My hope is that they will see that many people struggle with similar issues. I just wonder if talking is upsetting to people or helpful. It's probably both, but I wonder if it's a good idea since I know being triggered can cause me to spiral sometimes and especially did before I went to therapy. I don't want to hurt others that can't protect themselves yet. Just wated to share.
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Re: Disclosure and triggering others

Postby Terry E. » Wed May 22, 2019 4:12 am

Jen thanks for that I have been thinking on this subject for a few months now.

I think sex abuse has become something where people seem to think they understand it. Most countries have been impacted in the last 20 years by revelations coming out of churches and other institutions accompanied by stories from adult survivors how it impacted their life and from relatives who morn the loss of someone who took their own life either by their own hand or through destructive life choices.

Understanding non institutional sex abuse has a way to go and extreme physical and emotional child abuse likewise.

I have found when people have queried things (my mother is in a nursing home and plays mind games with staff) and I I try and explain they cannot understand. I honestly think it is a a self protection mechanism. Some of this stuff is so shocking and so against what they believe (the love and bonds shared in the family home - pick any family TV show you can think of) that it literally goes in one ear and out the other. It is too painful for them to register.

Institutional abuse was the same for a long time. One of the reasons it survived. It was unthinkable to make such statements. Well society has moved past that, and maybe one day abuse in the family home will also be understood.
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Re: Disclosure and triggering others

Postby salted lipstick » Fri May 31, 2019 4:50 pm

I tend to prefer that people don't disclose to me in real life. I usually feel angry about people putting me in the position to listen to what has happened to them. Because of my experiences, when people disclose their abuse to me, it in a way feels like they are being exhibitionistic to tell me about it; they wouldn't be telling me about their other sexual experiences and putting that on display, and so I feel like it's being forced on me to have to think about them in those experiences and in return making me think of mine. I don't like it at all.

Also, I tend to feel angry when other people share their abuse experiences because in a sense I feel that people only share more "normal" abuse experiences and that makes me feel really isolated and more ashamed than if they hadn't said anything in the first place.

I don't mind reading about other people's experiences anonymously. It makes me feel less alone. I can take a break if I feel triggered. I don't have to choose to keep reading. I can skip details. It's not forced on me to hear what they have to say. I prefer that style a lot better.

In relation to disclosing my own abuse, I avoid that. On a few occasions I've had a reason to mention I've been abused I haven't gone into details. I have hinted at it and I've usually found that other people get really angry at those responsible for my abuse and then they seem to sort of lose their $#%^ and not be able to cope with what I've said, even though I only roughly have hinted at it. I tend to figure it's just more comfortable for me and them if I don't say anything.
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Re: Disclosure and triggering others

Postby Terry E. » Sat Jun 01, 2019 3:28 am

and yet one of the biggest ways for survivors to move forward is validation ..

I was calling up for a reference from the Blue Knot Foundation (Australia) .. councilor line looking for a reference for a psychologist or Councillor with appropriate experience and I had to explain what "extreme long term meant" .. she kept say "hmmm" the whole time. I asked her to stop but she would always revert. Their is validation and patronizing .. and there is a thin line between.
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Re: Disclosure and triggering others

Postby salted lipstick » Thu Jun 06, 2019 9:50 am

Terry E. wrote:Their is validation and patronizing .. and there is a thin line between.
So true.

That's pretty bad that the person answering your call at the Blue Knot Foundation didn't understand what extreme long term meant. :?

Terry E. wrote:and yet one of the biggest ways for survivors to move forward is validation ..
Yeah true. I suppose I feel a bit torn on the best way for this to be accomplished without being triggering though...
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