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How do you stop hating/blaming yourself???

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How do you stop hating/blaming yourself???

Postby AShatteredSoul » Mon Feb 11, 2019 9:50 pm

I hate myself so much...

I hate myself because of everything that happened to me. I blame myself for it.
I mean as a kid I never tried to tell anyone. I let him do things to me. He always made me enjoy it. I went back to him. I wanted him to hold me & to love me. But I had people in my life that loved me, yet I didn't want anything to do with them.
And when I was a teenager & he raped me, I didn't fight back, I didn't scream, I didn't even say no. I was old enough to atleast try, yet I just let him do it. He was really rough, left bad bruises & made me bleed, yet I still enjoyed it.

I hate myself SO ######6 MUCH!!! I just feel like it's my fault...

Logically I know it wasn't my fault. I was kid & he groomed me. There was nothing I could do. & even when I was older & understood what he was doing. He groomed me so much when I was younger, that of course I wouldn't have fought back. Plus He's so much bigger than I am.
And if anyone, I mean anyone told me the same thing happened to them, I would tell them it wasn't their fault. They did nothing wrong...

But when I tell myself this or someone else tells me this, I don't believe them. I can't. Logically I know. I know it's not my fault but emotionally I just feel like it is.

I don't know how to forgive myself...

I don't know how to believe what everyone tells me. That it's not my fault...

I don't know how to stop hating myself...

Please... Someone, anyone... Can you tell me how to forgive myself???

I'm just stuck... I have nothing left to give... I'm exhausted... Just so tired of fighting all the time...

I just need someone to tell me. How Can I EVER Forgive Myself???
My Scars, They are like stripes on a Tiger.
What makes Him unique. Makes Him Beautiful.
No, I won't be ashamed. Won't hide them.
They Are My Stripes.
To show, I do have Willpower, Strength & Courage. That I Am Beautiful. No matter what anyone says. (Even Myself)
I'll embrace the Tiger. Listen to His Soul.
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Re: How do you stop hating/blaming yourself???

Postby avatar123 » Tue Feb 12, 2019 5:22 pm

Usually when you have a conflict between your rational mind and your emotions, it's because you hold a value that can't be reconciled with both. Your values form the basic premise by which you think and evaluate things, and they are also responsible for your emotions.

If you value something strongly and you see that value being upheld in the world, you feel good. Conversely if it isn't upheld, you feel bad.

And when trying to reason logically, your values give you the basis for what should be true or false. Then you look for facts or evidence to support those conclusions.

This is just a guess based on many of your posts, but perhaps the question here is how you value your dad. On the one hand you love him, but on the other he abused you. I think you may be reconciling that contradiction by blaming yourself. He's a good guy so if he abused you, it must somehow be your fault. You didn't stop him, you enjoyed elements of it, so that's on you, right?

Logically you know that isn't true, but emotionally it resolves the contradiction and allows your valuation and love for your dad to continue.

Maybe a better resolution of this would be to recognise that your dad is flawed. He isn't all one thing or the other, he's a composite of contradicting values and behaviors, which he has imposed on you by both loving you and abusing you. But the main thing is that the contradictions exist in him, not in you. You cannot resolve this because it's not your problem, it's his. You can only try to understand it for what it is.

Perhaps if you can learn to see it this way, you'll stop blaming yourself and fogive yourself. Actually there is nothing really to forgive in you. There is something to forgive in him, if that's something you want to do. That's a choice for you to make. No one can tell you what's right for you, or where you are on that, it's something you have to arrive at yourself, or not. But understanding it may be the first step.
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