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Was this abuse? Or experimentation?

Open Discussions About Sexual Abuse and Incest.

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Was this abuse? Or experimentation?

Postby mikey1904 » Sun Feb 03, 2019 4:01 pm

Well when I was a child me and a close female friend would play doctor. I’m a male and we are two years apart roughly. We started doing this game as far back as I could remember. Probably 7 for me and 5 for her. It started out super innocent show me yours I’ll show you mine and so on. But when I hit puberty Is what concerns me. We would engage in more adult like acts. Oral, removing our pants and underwear and rub gentials together. We would engage in adult like sex positions but just never actual penetration took place. Neither one of us have did this before and would act out what we seen on tv. I never penetrated her with my penis because we were unsure of how everything worked. We stopped this in our early teens. Mainly this was all my idea of suggesting stuff. She wasn’t 100 percent on board all the time but I never physically forced her. We spent A lot of time together when we were kids. So over the years I would suggest playing this game and sometimes we did and sometimes we didn’t depending upon her answers. I think sometimes she just said yes because she knew I wanted too. I first discovered this several years ago in my early twenties about all this and wondered if it was normal and looked on the web. That filled my head with all kinds of thoughts and made me believe I was a predator. I feel terrible about this and would never want to hurt anyone like this. I did speak to her a few times over the years about it. My guilt was so bad that I worked up the courage to speak to her. I asked if she had any negative feelings about it. Said I was sorry. Several other things. She mainly said we were just kids and for me not to worry. Just to let it go. We didn’t know any better. I feel like I did all I could now and just worrying about it won’t help anything anymore.
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Re: Was this abuse? Or experimentation?

Postby avatar123 » Thu Feb 07, 2019 4:36 pm

This sounds like curiosity and experimentation. You were similar ages and the interest was mutual. It stopped as would be expected as you became more fully aware, and that too was mutual. So I think she gave you good advice. It's embarrassing now but no harm was intended. You can let it go as she SD suggested. It's good that you checked with her, that should help with any doubts in your mind.
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Re: Was this abuse? Or experimentation?

Postby mikey1904 » Fri Feb 08, 2019 2:52 am

I think in all honestly my interest was the majority and I was the one that encouraged most of it. She did say I pressured her some at times but it wasn’t a big deal. I did check with her a couple times just to get how she felt about things. I have moderate obsessive compulsive disorder so that don’t help with matters any. These spells will come and go where I worry about this or stress on it.
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Re: Was this abuse? Or experimentation?

Postby avatar123 » Fri Feb 08, 2019 3:55 am

I think your OCD may be driving this, so that is understandable. Many other people have had a similar experience when young, without too much worry. Basically you learn to put it behind you as a mistake you made as a kid. You wouldn't repeat that behavior now. It helps that there are no hard feelings from the other parties. That confirms that it wasn't carried out or received as an intent to harm or abuse. That is the basic truth to keep in mind.
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Re: Was this abuse? Or experimentation?

Postby mikey1904 » Fri Feb 08, 2019 6:25 pm

No It was never intended to be abuse. At that time I didn’t even know or think what we were doing could be labeled as absue. It just seems the actions we took went farther than most of the other stories I have read. It didn’t go as far as full intercourse which I’m very thankful for. We didn’t really even know what full intercourse was at the time. This does bother me from time to time and then it suddenly goes away and I don’t think about it at all for a long while. Then out of no where it sparks up again and it will eat at me. I just wouldn’t want to be viewed as a monster or something similar.
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