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Light sexual abuse by grandfather

Open Discussions About Sexual Abuse and Incest.

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Light sexual abuse by grandfather

Postby Mana3i » Mon Sep 10, 2018 6:58 pm

Hi everybody,

it seems that I was "abused" by my grandfather. He touched me in certain ways and in certain places where he shouldn't have. Many of my memories do not feel real and I am not sure if they are. There is one memory, though, that really happened, since I asked my cousin and she remembered it. It consists of my grandpa regurarly touching my breasts, when they started to develop. Okay, since this memory is real, I guess this is 'abuse'. But I didn't care about it back then. I didn't mind him touching me, it didn't bother me at all, I even didn't understand why my cousin fought back when he tried to touch her in that way. It didn't feel great either, I just knew he liked it and so I let him do it. So, if I didn't mind, how can this be abuse? My Therapist says it is. And if it is, why did I let him do it?

Some time ago, the first ever boy I liked and loved, kissed me and we had consensual sex, after which I reacted in a very strange way, with flashbacks of this boy wanting me and intense fear and hyperarousal, that lasted for more than a year and still appears from time to time. That is why I think something must have went wrong in my life regarding sex, but this thing with my grandpa isn't really that big that it could explain this extreme reaction of mine. Or is it? I don't know. I don't really get far by ruminating about it, but I need an answer!

Does anyone have any advice on this?
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Re: Light sexual abuse by grandfather

Postby Rive » Thu Sep 13, 2018 10:28 pm

That was abuse. There is no such thing as light abuse. Abuse is abuse. There are all kinds of reasons you may not have stopped him. Shock, minimizing, etc. If you have any more questions let me know.
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Re: Light sexual abuse by grandfather

Postby bunnyhabit » Thu Sep 20, 2018 10:33 pm

it was abuse since it is unlawful to touch an underage girls breastsl even if consent was allowed by you.
i doubt your current reactions to sex are related based on the fact that you allow him to play with your breast
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Re: Light sexual abuse by grandfather

Postby Snaga » Fri Oct 05, 2018 7:32 pm

Yeah just reading the topic title I'm afraid my initial utterance was, 'Ew'. Abuse, and just creepy on his part, sweetie, sorry.

Did this affect you? Well I've been- like you, according to at least some known 'real' memory, been 'lightly abused'. Maybe more than light, but definitely at the very least, 'light'. 'More fun! Less filling'... sorry, slight wordplay on an old pop culture reference there. No, not more fun, less anything. It definitely has had a lasting, lifelong effect on my sexuality, even if all I do definitely remember was touching.

Like you, I'm like, why did I let it go on? Dang if I know. I don't recall being scared. Or obviously titillated. Or.. anything. Part of my mind knew this was creepy, but I don't know, maybe it's the age difference. I was like, 12 or 13 and he was probably I don't know, thirty maybe? Maybe it was the attention, my father was absent. Maybe it was... a bird being charmed by a snake. He was good at it.

But yeah I should not be at all surprised if it's had some kind of effect on you, even if you don't see it. Then again, maybe not. That's what your therapist is for.

I wonder if the 'not real' memories are disassociation on your part? I have had.. so many fantasies about my abuser, in the decades since, that for me memory is quite blurred- some things seem so real, yet I don't actively remember them as I would think I ought to. Memory is a funny thing, though. And I do have other disassociative traits, so... who knows...
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Re: Light sexual abuse by grandfather

Postby furhuj » Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:46 pm

I agree with your therapist. If you feel abused, then don't invalidate your feeling. Accept it as it is and face it in order to conquer it. You might need some therapy session because it can help you a lot.
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