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Looking for others with my experience

Open Discussions About Sexual Abuse and Incest.

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Looking for others with my experience

Postby wadanohara » Fri Aug 10, 2018 10:36 pm

additional suicide+pedophilia warning.
Hi,


I am a minor still in high school and I was extremely close friends with a manipulative and pedophilic 18 year old for 6 months. 2 out of 6 of those months, we were romantically and sexually involved. It was LDR, but it involved text aswell as pictures. He would guilt-trip me and excuse his incest and r////ape kink with his trauma, and when i posted about these kinks on a small social media app called '*mod edit*' for venting your emotions, he got extremely angry at me and ended our friendship. I had an extreme dependency on him and tried to kill myself multiple times. This was about 2 months ago now, and I have developed PTSD because of it. I already had PTSD from unrelated causes, but this is pobably my worst trauma out of them all. When googling "I dated a pedophile" and variations on it I could only find 2 stories about minors or former minors who dated pedophiles speaking out, but the thing is, they both realized it was wrong. I was completely and utterly in love with this guy and he convinced me it was ok for me and him to date. I was just wondering if people have had similar experiences? I feel very alone in this because I never realized it till after we stopped being friends and another friend pointed it out.
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Re: Looking for others with my experience

Postby bunnyhabit » Sat Aug 18, 2018 3:30 am

my dad started being romantic with me after my twelfth birthday. i had a party at my house and my dad bought a keg of beer. he told me you are big girl now after i was drunk and said he wanted me to be more loving. after my friends left my mom said we would trade places. she slept in my bedroom and i skept with my dad and we had sex twice. he told me our love was a family secret that only my we should know about. i told my two best friends who said they dads have sex with them too. when i mentioned to mom i gotten a spanking and ground for a week for disobedience to dad rule.
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Re: Looking for others with my experience

Postby HiddenHikari » Thu Aug 30, 2018 4:40 am

Wada,
I know where you are coming from and I have been there as well.
When I was 17, I met a 27 year old man at a convention, I didn't know his name but he figured out mine. He stalked me through several other local conventions before approaching me and managing to get my phone number. I gave him the number because I thought he was buying a commission from me, but he only wanted to blow up my phone with texts and calls every single day for weeks.
I had a girlfriend at the time, I was still in high school, and frankly he was kind of ugly, so I tried to ignore him but he wouldn't leave me alone. He told me his age, and he told me how mature I was for mine, and somehow the compliments got to me. I told myself I wasn't really interested in him, but he had a job and a car and career. He had money (supposedly) and he had "experience" and I became curious. I never really cared that he was so much older than me, or that i was technically still a minor. I told my girlfriend I was going on a date with him just to get him to leave me alone, but that was my first mistake.
I broke up with her not long after that and we started dating. When we went out together, people would ask if I was his younger sister, and I thought it was funny. He loved it, and we would both laugh to ourselves about our little secret. I think I thought it was funnier though, because I'm sure somewhere in the back of his mind he knew I had the power to send him to jail with one quick stop call to the police and a few printed text messages. I didn't dream of doing that though, because I thought I loved him.
That's one of the scariest things about dating a pedophile, not all of them are these dramatic men in big vans who act on impulse and abduct a kid with no second thoughts. Some of them are very smart, and manipulative, and as children, minors are especially easily to be controlled by adults.
I consented to everything that happened with him, I loved him until the last night I was with him, and it wasn't until after I was away that I could look back on it all and really, honestly go "What in the hell was I THINKING?" but its important for me to remember - and for you to remember - that it was not our thinking that was messed up, it was not OUR faults for being tricked and manipulated by #######5 pedophiles, and it is not the fault of us as children at the time of it happening for not understanding the complexities of abusive, toxic, pedophilic relationships.
You did the best you could, you survived, and you're away from it now - and I'm so proud of you.
-Dave
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