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Details of sexual abuse and the opposite effect it had on me

Open Discussions About Sexual Abuse and Incest.

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Details of sexual abuse and the opposite effect it had on me

Postby VanCleef » Wed Jul 04, 2018 6:03 pm

Many of you are going to think I'm a nut case, and I'm okay with that. I'm writing this because my hyper sexuality is accelerating at an insane pace and I can't put on the brakes. I suffer from a lot of anxiety when my needs are not met, if I don't get sex then I get very anxious and nervous. It sounds like narcissism but I do not think I'm that great as a person. I'm tall and physically fit like crazy (triathelete) but I do not have the "holier than thou" attitude. I love to talk to people and treat them with great respect. I have good relationships when I discover tolerable types though I've been reclusive for a few years now.

I'm 42 year old male today as of this writing. I was raised in a single mother household.
I was 12 years old and had a tutor during the summer months. He was in his late 20's at the time. The sessions were about an hour long, twice a week. I never touched him, and he was always clothed. He would have me sit on my hands, under my thighs, if I would move them he would pinch my arm and it hurt like hell so of course I sat on them. I never "played" with myself or did anything as a boy, I didn't even know what it was! He would rub me through my shorts and make me hard, he would reach up my shorts leg and masturbate me until I ejaculated, it took less than 45 seconds and I had no clue what the hell was going on. I thought this was completely normal! I was so dumb I thought it was part of the tutoring, this guy was so nonchalant about it, it was part of the process of learning math to me. He would do this at the beginning and the end of each session. I moved to the US from Germany when I was 3 years old, which means I'm uncircumcised. I also have phimosis (tight foreskin) which is very evident at youth. Many times I would ejaculate while he rubbed me and sperm would stay inside my foreskin and dribble out later, he did not like this. So it got to the point where my shorts were pulled down so he could control it and eventually restrained.

I thought this was normal and it never had an effect on me through my teenage years, it was never an issue. Just a strange way to be introduced to sexuality. This had the opposite effect as seen from other sexual abuse victims. I've been super horny every since and I feel no guilt. The problem is in career and life I have everything so calibrated and dialed in that I translate that into sexual performance. My athletic performance and diet is highly watched and it's as if sex is another factor to measure. Of course partners think I'm an absolute maniac and bolt once the honeymoon phase is over. I'm confused as to is this part of the society we live in today? has the "metoo" movement made everyone a victim and all men are "icky"? Being European at heart, I always chuckled at the protestant behaviour of Americans, now it seems to be at extremes. Am I a hypersexed maniac living in the wrong time? I've been reclusive the past few years and all I do is loop spaghetti westerns and watch them over and over. I'm not really into porn, I drink 2 bottles of merlot a month, I have prescription valume that is like 6 years old. Not really dependent on those things.

Has anyone been through this before? what did you do to stop?
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Re: Details of sexual abuse and the opposite effect it had on me

Postby Nohone » Wed Jul 11, 2018 9:22 pm

I became hyper sexual after my abuse. He held me down when I wanted to stop, leaving it there talking about it has caused flashbacks of lately.
I started having sex with anyone who I found attractive, as many time as they would take it. Got so bad I slept with someone 13 years older than me. I did it as a way to gain control back through sex, to not be afraid, kinda like falling off your bicycle and getting right back on it was my attitude. Except it lead to drug issues, (nothing worse than benzos) terrible grades, not sleeping, and the eventual and pertpetual (realization) that I had self-(eestem, Love, etc) issues and the eventual attempt at my life (again) I finally am in therapy but still struggle with it. I like you am an athlete however on the opposite end I’m a sprinter, so sex is explosive, and I can’t get enough of it. I don’t know how to stop because stopping would mean coming down from this, almost fake world I’ve made. So I understand your struggle. I wish I had the answer to your question, I don’t as I am struggling actively with it, I just wanted you to know you weren’t alone.
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Re: Details of sexual abuse and the opposite effect it had on me

Postby seabreezeblue » Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:00 pm

and yet you're here seeking answers because you're finding that the experience you had as a child, is impacting on your adult relationships and sexual life now.
Regardless of what we felt or thought or did as children when adults took what they wanted, we're all impacted to some degree or another now.

If i may.. i'd like to ask you how you feel about the fact that you now link your self worth to your sexual prowess?
How do you feel about not being able to have a longer term relationship because they bolt once the fun honeymoon period is over?
If you were happy and not impacted negatively, surely you wouldn't be here and asking..

I hope i've not offended you, or been too intrusive, but i do see a lot in your post that shows me that we're not actually that different from eachother.
Shine me a light up
and i'll run round the moon..



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Re: Details of sexual abuse and the opposite effect it had on me

Postby MissHaley » Sat Jul 14, 2018 8:14 pm

It's actually more common than you'd think for sexual abuse to make your a hyper sexual. I'm lucky in the way that I think my fantastic relationship with my father saved me from having further unhealthy relationships with men and I usually can keep my urges centered to long the long term healthy relationships. I say usually cause it is defiantly not always the case.. I constantly masturbate to keep my urges at bay, and it's not so much because I'm horny it's an anxiety thing.. It's like I HAVE too. Even if I'm tired, even if I've already done it 5 times, I get these anxious fits and I have to to do it again. Almost all of my relationships have been healthy and loving, except one, around that time my brother who abused me for most of my life had twins.. and one of them is a girl.. And I kind of went off the deep end. Spent a year and a half with a man who used me sexually, constantly, like a thing. Turned out he had a wife he had been with over 10 years, but after the pain and hurt subsided I still kept letting him screw me. It was all an anxiety thing. When I'm single, and I don't have any one to take out the urges on, I turn to camming and fetish sites and friends with benefits both male and female. It's not that it's something I want, like wow I'm so horny today I just can't take it, it's more like wow I'm so anxious today I'm feeling borderline insane I need a fix.. and for me the fix is sex. It's a way to control something I had no control over as a kid and is both toxic and therapeutic for me at the same time. Complicated $#%^.
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Re: Details of sexual abuse and the opposite effect it had on me

Postby Trevor100a » Thu Aug 23, 2018 3:26 pm

I this age of MeToo and the scandals of the church, we have all learned that we are not alone in this experience and so should not need to burden ourselves with the same shame as before. I'm glad to see people opening up about the sensitive impacts these things can have upon our sexuality.

My hypersexuality is largely due also from frequent and repeated mutual masturbation with an older relative when I was 13 and 14.

The shame along with the intense need was difficult for me to reconcile.
It had effected my ability to have intimate sex with my girlfriends and then wife. After years of therapy and trying this and that, we managed to work past that. We have wonderful sex together now and she has accepted my masturbatory needs. To help me feel comfortable with this she has since embraced masturbation as much as I have. I much prefer this than to cheating and so one can think of masturbation in a way as an expression of one's devotion to one's partner. I masturbate as much for her as for myself and she knows this.
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Re: Details of sexual abuse and the opposite effect it had on me

Postby supersophie » Sun Aug 26, 2018 11:47 pm

This is a very useful thread as hypersexuality I think is not discussed enough, along with the uncomfortable truth that it is possible to enjoy a sexual relationship that some would classify as abusive.

I have an extremely high sex drive albeit it comes in waves rather than a constant state of horniness. Sometimes I fight it sometimes I embrace it.

The key thing is that whatever happened in your earlier years it should not deny you your right to a healthy and exciting sex life
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