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son married my niece now he's having sex with his sister

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son married my niece now he's having sex with his sister

Postby Concerned other » Thu Mar 24, 2016 1:37 pm

my son (my oldest) started having sex with my niece when she was 14 and he was 16 i found out because as soon as she turned 18 they got married they've been together ever since, when he was 17 I had his sister (my youngest) ,he was always a great big brother and very protective.Yesterday when I got home I saw his car outside so I thought he was just coming over to say hi but when I came in the front door they were on the couch having sex and he saw me and didn't even react! I asked them how it's they've been doing it and they said since her 18th birthday later on I spoke only with him and he said "how could you not know this was going to happen one day she's always wanted me and I was there for her all those years and whose going to love her more than her own brother" he also told me he has always been more attracted to women in the family. His wife (my niece) is ok with it and my other son which is a few years older than my daughter didn't know anything about it now he's shook up. When all three of my children were growing they never gave any signs of anything like this,This has never happened in my family before my son is the only one who has ever engaged in sexual behaviors with other members of our family.What do I do? How do up I make it stop? My daughter is going to get hurt because he won't ever leave his wife she is his life, i also want her to start a relationship that may go somewhere not a relationship with my son who already has a life of his own
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Re: son married my niece now he's having sex with his sister

Postby seabreezeblue » Thu Mar 24, 2016 2:26 pm

wow.. you must have so much going round in your mind right now - i'm really sorry.

Just a couple of brief thoughts for the moment as i'm not online for long so i'll try and answer more fully a bit later on.

I think that it would be a really good idea to carefully talk to your daughter about this and gently ask her if this is the first time it's happened..
it would be really helpful just to make sure that he didn't abuse her as a child - because to me, it sounds like he may have done.
This bit that he said concerns me;
how could you not know this was going to happen one day she's always wanted me


I'd be less concerned if he'd said something like ''I have no idea, it's just that since she became an adult, i've started seeing her differently''


anyway - sorry to leave such a brief response but i'll be back a bit later.. xx
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Re: son married my niece now he's having sex with his sister

Postby Concerned other » Thu Mar 24, 2016 7:16 pm

I talked her and She says he never did, I had her when he was 17 and he was never home and he moved 3 states away a few days after turning 18 at that time she was only 5 months old and he only visited about once every 2 years when he would visit everyone was together and they were never alone and he would always stay at a hotel with his wife but he would call us almost everyday he recently bought a house a few miles away and moved back this was about 2 weeks before she turned 18
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Re: son married my niece now he's having sex with his sister

Postby seabreezeblue » Thu Mar 24, 2016 11:19 pm

that's really good to hear that he didn't abuse her as a child..

on to the here and now then..


How do up I make it stop?

That's a hugely difficult question to try and find an answer for.. if she loves him and is attached enough to him to put up with being with him even though he's married and can't offer her much then it's very very likely that this isn't something that she'll listen to advice about.
Love isn't just blind.. it's blind, deaf, and dumb - it can make even the most sensible people on the planet act like they've lost all rational thought. I've been in a few relationships where i now look back and think ''what on earth happened there? where did my brain go?''

I think all you can really do is carefully explain what your worries are - that while he may well love her in his own way, it's not a relationship that can work out okay in the longer term so it's far better to finish it now before she gets hurt even more in the future.
I won't get into the legalities of this but that's also worth a think for her.. does she want children in the future.? does she want to get married and have someone that can be wholly with her instead of her having to share him with another woman?
lots and lots of thinking for her to do for definite.

:|
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Re: son married my niece now he's having sex with his sister

Postby Concerned other » Fri Mar 25, 2016 6:29 am

My middle son is in such shock.My husband(their father) is upset that his little girl would do such a thing and he also thinks there is something wrong with our oldest son, he thinks he may only be attracted to family members
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Re: son married my niece now he's having sex with his sister

Postby seabreezeblue » Fri Mar 25, 2016 5:03 pm

has he never dated a girl from outside the family at all?
I know he was only 16 when he got together with your niece but did he have a girlfriend in school or anything when he was younger?

I think in some ways it's kind of understandable that he'd be attracted to women in his family - i don't understand how it's possible myself since i've never been attracted to a family member but i guess that growing up together and having those emotional bonds can make people attracted more strongly than to outsiders.
I mean.. you already know almost everything about them and they know about you - they accept you and stand up for you.. really strong bonds and i guess that it can be difficult for some people to imagine having that with someone they're not yet as close to.

It could also be that he's simply got a primary interest in family members and this has nothing to do with social difficulties or perceived emotional bonds at all.. i'm mostly just typing half formed thoughts at this point though so hopefully i've not just babbled without making sense.

Did he have social issues at school/with peers as a young child?
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Re: son married my niece now he's having sex with his sister

Postby Concerned other » Fri Mar 25, 2016 8:41 pm

Yes he had 1 girlfriend when he was 14. He was anti social child who didn't interact with anyone he is still anti social
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Re: son married my niece now he's having sex with his sister

Postby seabreezeblue » Fri Mar 25, 2016 9:07 pm

anti-social or a-social?

a-social means that he hasn't much if any interest in interacting.. anti-social on the other hand means that he's against society/hostile towards it.. against the social norms.

Either option could explain fairly well why he's drawn more towards family than outsiders..
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Re: son married my niece now he's having sex with his sister

Postby Concerned other » Fri Mar 25, 2016 9:34 pm

Anti-social he's hostile towards everyone and everything but his brother and sister are the complete opposite he's the only one like that he never leaves his house and he live in the middle of no where
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Re: son married my niece now he's having sex with his sister

Postby seabreezeblue » Fri Mar 25, 2016 10:33 pm

any idea what caused that or is it just personality?

did he get severely bullied or anything? :?
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