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I was abused as a child and I liked it *TW*

Open Discussions About Sexual Abuse and Incest.

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I was abused as a child and I liked it *TW*

Postby Lila15 » Sat Oct 10, 2015 1:00 pm

I was 5. I used to go on "walks" with this family friend. he was very nice and told me we had to play a secret game, that it was normal and everybody does it. so he touched me, performed oral sex on me. I remember liking it and being happy afterwards. it's my fault I should've known it was wrong. I should've said something. instead I did it to others my age, I stayed with these thoughts for so long wanting to do it again at 8 years old. I knew things I shouldn't it would always impress my friends. Now as a teenager I look back and I never want to think about sex again. I want to suppress all my dirty fantasies that he gave me. he stole my childhood he made me a perverted young girl. I want purity and innocence. I want to start over.
I also want to kill him. I want to make him pay for my social anxiety, for my borderline personality disorder, for everything that's wrong with me. my grades were always so low, I started drinking and using early. he messed me up. I messed myself up by liking it.
I never told anyone about our secret game. but I want to tell now.
why did I like it ? why did I do it to my classmates ? why am I like this ?
Last edited by Snaga on Sun Oct 11, 2015 9:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Trigger earning added
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Re: I was abused as a child and I liked it *TW*

Postby Aehelton » Tue Oct 13, 2015 12:11 am

You liked it because its a natural response. Your body responded, your child-mind liked the attention and time he spent with you. I was groomed by my step-father and molested at five also. He made me feel special. Twenty four years later, after therapy, I'm finally healed. I still have work to do. I still cry in pain for all the years that was stolen from me.

First of all things you use to make you forget or take the pain away needs to be only positive coping skills. I understand its hard, I smoked weed for so many years. I just wanted to forget. I realized its better to face the demons and beat them once and for all. Its very hard but its not your fault. Children don't understand right and wrong when there is an adult they trust involved.

He lied to you, he groomed you, he made you feel special to use you. I swear its not your fault. But I was scared to share my story also. When you are ready, share it. Even online like this is a big step. People don't judge like you think. My abuse lasted fourteen years... I thought for sure I would be judged by not stopping it. But I was scared, he went from saying all daddys do it to I will kill your family, to get me to keep the secret.

I hope this helps you.
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Re: I was abused as a child and I liked it *TW*

Postby OMNICELL » Tue Oct 13, 2015 1:12 am

Glad your here!

Keep telling your story here; We have a blog section! I use it all the time, slowly getting my story out!

I would recommend a therapist!

Any girl groups dealing with psych stuff in the area you can join!

!2 step groups dealing with emotion stuff; that kind of thing!

Something to look into!

Your not alone!

Great job telling your story! Give the blog section a try!

-- Mon Oct 12, 2015 5:13 pm --

Glad your here!

Keep telling your story here; We have a blog section! I use it all the time, slowly getting my story out!

I would recommend a therapist!

Any girl groups dealing with psych stuff in the area you can join!

!2 step groups dealing with emotion stuff; that kind of thing!

Something to look into!

Your not alone!

Great job telling your story! Give the blog section a try!
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Re: I was abused as a child and I liked it *TW*

Postby Team78 » Tue Oct 13, 2015 5:24 pm

Yes, most of go through the stages of therapy not knowing, knowing, realizing, liking it, education. It is normal, God made this thing called sex for pleasure it is sacred for adults consensually. I know it is a process for people like us to realize that . I would say stay the course in therapy in gets better you will heal enough that you will have power of what you stated (your feelings) in this post. Your not alone!
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Re: I was abused as a child and I liked it *TW*

Postby StarsSparkle » Sat Oct 17, 2015 1:45 pm

Lila15 wrote:I was 5. I used to go on "walks" with this family friend. he was very nice and told me we had to play a secret game, that it was normal and everybody does it. so he touched me, performed oral sex on me. I remember liking it and being happy afterwards. it's my fault I should've known it was wrong. I should've said something. instead I did it to others my age, I stayed with these thoughts for so long wanting to do it again at 8 years old. I knew things I shouldn't it would always impress my friends. Now as a teenager I look back and I never want to think about sex again. I want to suppress all my dirty fantasies that he gave me. he stole my childhood he made me a perverted young girl. I want purity and innocence. I want to start over.
I also want to kill him. I want to make him pay for my social anxiety, for my borderline personality disorder, for everything that's wrong with me. my grades were always so low, I started drinking and using early. he messed me up. I messed myself up by liking it.
I never told anyone about our secret game. but I want to tell now.
why did I like it ? why did I do it to my classmates ? why am I like this ?

You're not at fault for this. You were young and hadn't understood what he had done. You're not having fantasies because you like them, your having fantasies because that's how you were conditioned. You deserve better than this.

I think therapy would best suit you. Hopefully, they'll help you cope with the pain.
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Re: I was abused as a child and I liked it *TW*

Postby Contro » Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:29 am

Lila15 wrote:why did I like it ?

Because it felt good. That's perfectly normal.
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Re: I was abused as a child and I liked it *TW*

Postby jaus tail » Sun Oct 25, 2015 10:05 am

i was abused as a kid. i enjoyed it, to the extent that i'd look forward to it n wanted to get touched by my cousin/brother.

i grew up watching abusive porn n thoughts to abuse. i think the feeling of pleasure is normal.
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Re: I was abused as a child and I liked it *TW*

Postby Prairie gal » Mon Nov 09, 2015 8:33 pm

You were 5 and were made to feel special. Don't feel guilty.

In a way I wish you would post your story on the Paraphilia thread under Sexual where some
pro-contact pedophiles say kids enjoy sex, and it's all society's fault they feel guilty
about it later. I don't think the pro-contacts ever come to the Abuse forum or ever read any
of our stories.
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Re: I was abused as a child and I liked it *TW*

Postby writeaboutit » Tue Nov 24, 2015 2:31 am

You're not alone. I went through a similar experience. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel clean but I hold on to the thought that one day I will find a partner who is so loving and caring that my anxieties about sex will ease.

Well wishes on your journey to recovery <3
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Re: I was abused as a child and I liked it *TW*

Postby Shoshannah » Sat Nov 28, 2015 10:49 pm

You should talk about it. Post here, more importantly - talk to a good therapist.

You liked it, because - as others said - it's a natural response. Often survivors feel guilty and confused because of that. (On top of that, there is also trauma bonding and stockholm syndrom which makes the relationship with the abuser and your feelings even more messed up). That you did it to others is also typical. Survivors of sexual abuse often become too sexual themselves.

What happened to you is really horrible, I've been there too.

Please, find a therapist. I've been through a therapy and it really helped me (although it took years of a hard work).
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