Effects of Selective Mutism later in life

I had selective mutism when I was a kid for 9-10 yrs and now I'm an adult and I don't know how it effected my childhood development, Im very sure it has a huge impact on how things turned out later in life. Even tho Im fully recovered now, I cant help but think my underdeveloped maturity levels is largely in part of having selective mutism during such crucial yrs of childhood development. Is there anyone here who used to have selective mutism and what are the later effects of it?

Hi, genie4urwish! So you feel that you have underdeveloped maturity because of selective mutism? Is it because you couldn't connect with other people or kids your age? You can talk about anything here.
You could post in the Living with mental illness forum too, that place is a little busier.

I was also "diagnosed" with selective mutism. It has had a huge impact on my life. I am now 28 and like to consider myself recovered. I was thinking the other day (as I often do) about how I seem to have hit many milestones late in my life. I mean this socially and developmentally. I learned to tie my shoe laces late, I learned to ride a bike late, I learned to drive late, I went to college late... I always felt behind everyone else. In 2002 when everyone in my senior class was excited about going off to college and living in dorms I just wasn't interested. Plus, I was held back a year in middle school, so I should have graduated in 2001, so I was even older than everyone else. I hated that my birthday was in February cause it made me feel even OLDER and even MORE behind everyone else. It took a few years for my interest in college to develop, and by then it was too late.

Sidenote: It is SOOOO refreshing to find people who are like me!!!

Michelle

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HI, I'm glad you posted this because i have been interested in hearing from other people diagnosed with sm. I honestly have not done much research about sm at all and have thought very little about it since childhood, I think because it is something I have been ashamed of and embarrassed about so I have wanted to bury it in the past.
But lately I have been sifting through old memories and I realize that having sm and extreme shyness as a child have affected my life and my thought patterns and the way I relate to others greatly. Though most would describe me as outgoing now, I am secretly still insecure because I always have the INTENSE feeling that no one really likes me and that every one is against me. I have made so much progress since becoming conscious of this and devalidating it in my mind because, of course, it's not a valid belief.

I had SM from aged 4-to just turning aged 6 and affected me in preschool and kindergardten where I felt like I was an outcast. I always felt different combined with the fact that my father endured a public career scandal and many parents who often "whisper" about this. I didn't know why they did this but i knew it was something against my family and I and I felt shame. I attended a preschool where it was considered a higher end place to send your children. Not speaking made me so self conscious and not good about myself. Kids would often try to get me to speak but they werent' my close friends because my close friends and family I would speak to constantly.

From that day on, I always feel different and has affected my self esteem in a negative way and affected my grades later on in higher grades in school. My SM was also brought up in later years by the same kids because they were all in my class from kindergardten to fifth grade and it was never forgotten. Some thought I was deaf but they were always asking why to which I didn't have a response but only to blush about it. More shame during and after SM.

I'd say nowadays, it's affected my self esteem because it happened in my formative years. I often feared going to job interviews and speaking on the phone and don't like calling up in situations like having to deal with my phone or cable account for fear of stumbling on my words or sounding stupid. In social situations, sometimes I force myself to be outgoing and I have to be in the job I have now but then privately I revert back to being introverted. I am very successful in my business and am self employed and never liked working for other people or that whole office water cooler scenario. I make good money and enjoy what I do. I encounter various types of personalities and can adapt to them and read their body language. I'm like a chameleon and extremely observant and intuitive. I'm sure I'd be a good actor without having to be in front of people. I

In my personal life, I'm not good at making friends because I don't go out much but when I come into contact with people, they always seem to like me. I don't try hard to impress people but people pick up that I'm a genuine kind person which I am. However, I do have a fiesty side where I can speak my midn but my appearance makes me look meekm quiet and unassuming. If someone upsets me, I have no problem in telling them off or asserting myself. I have become quite aggressive in my personality in my 20's and in my convictions. But underneath there is a fragile, insecure person there but I do fight very hard to hide it.

Mizzle1 wrote:I was also "diagnosed" with selective mutism. It has had a huge impact on my life. I am now 28 and like to consider myself recovered. I was thinking the other day (as I often do) about how I seem to have hit many milestones late in my life. I mean this socially and developmentally. I learned to tie my shoe laces late, I learned to ride a bike late, I learned to drive late, I went to college late... I always felt behind everyone else. In 2002 when everyone in my senior class was excited about going off to college and living in dorms I just wasn't interested. Plus, I was held back a year in middle school, so I should have graduated in 2001, so I was even older than everyone else. I hated that my birthday was in February cause it made me feel even OLDER and even MORE behind everyone else. It took a few years for my interest in college to develop, and by then it was too late.

Sidenote: It is SOOOO refreshing to find people who are like me!!!

Michelle

When you don't engage socially with others because of SM,it makes sense that you are going to be behind the game from a maturation point of view,at least the social aspects.I can relate.I have had to watch younger siblings successfully navigate romantic relationships while I continually struggle to get in one.Every time I have crashed and burned has been a learning experience though and will hopefully help me to avoid the same mistakes moving forward.

I consider myself mostly recovered. I also hit a few milestones later in life such as tying shoes, dating, and driving. I did go to college (community college than transferred) and maintained employment since I was about 19. I have a full time job, my disorders don't effect it too much.

I also have social anxiety. I like to stay in a lot. I like to avoid family gatherings, if they're not big milestones. I do date but I am quite happy being single. I've had one serious boyfriend. I own my own home and car (I hate driving, esp. on highways).

I've had SM since probably age four. I guess I just wasn't interacting with kids and I was held back in preschool. My second year of preschool was special education preschool. Did that for a year, and then I was put into mainstream kindergarten since I didn't belong in special ed. They (mis)diagnosed me as "language delayed." My mom remembers me being "wild" and a chatterbox at home and that the teachers didn't believe her. I read that SM children don't use the bathroom at school which was definitely true for me.

I've had college professors grade me down because I was quiet. Some people really act negatively to introverted/quiet personalities and it drives me nuts. I hate being told that I'm quiet.

Great to hear others' points of view. I stopped talking in first year of primary, although I would whisper to my friends at playtimes. Didn't talk until I was "forced" to by a very strict teacher about 4 years later.
Had a rough time in secondary school due to things said by an ex friend. I think if I'd had more practice / confidence in speaking out at the time then things would have been different.
Post school I've done various jobs, now married with 2 kids and hoping to go to university in autumn.
Things are looking up, but there are little niggles that maybe are related to SM:
Those I considered close friends have drifted away, probably because I can't be bothered to talk about TV and make-up, and don't enjoy gossiping behind people's backs.
Sometimes I struggle to find the right words, when writing or speaking. I don't know if this is due to being quiet, or due to too much teenage drinking / smoking.
There are times that I have been taken for a mug, or missed things I really should have picked up on. Not directly related but it is a bit weird, that you can be generally intelligent yet things can slip by you (slight social deficit?)
In terms of maturity I've no idea! I get on well with young college buddies, but am equally happy with older people, rich, poor, black, white, whoever. Like Rachel, I can chameleon it. But nowadays I will fight my corner if need be. And will stick up for anyone I see in trouble.

Rachel G wrote:I'd say nowadays, it's affected my self esteem because it happened in my formative years. I often feared going to job interviews and speaking on the phone and don't like calling up in situations like having to deal with my phone or cable account for fear of stumbling on my words or sounding stupid. In social situations, sometimes I force myself to be outgoing and I have to be in the job I have now but then privately I revert back to being introverted. I am very successful in my business and am self employed and never liked working for other people or that whole office water cooler scenario. I make good money and enjoy what I do. I encounter various types of personalities and can adapt to them and read their body language. I'm like a chameleon and extremely observant and intuitive. I'm sure I'd be a good actor without having to be in front of people.

I know this post is from a while ago (Maybe you might see this post or someone else in a similar situation might see it and respond) but I'm curious as to how you got into starting your own business. I have been starting to get into the freelancing/self-employed line of work and I think it's the only type of work i could realistically carry out. If only I had known this was an option when I was younger.