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Traumatic event at age 5. Will I get better??? *may trigger*

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Traumatic event at age 5. Will I get better??? *may trigger*

Postby adzoh » Wed Apr 15, 2015 4:25 am

Hi friends,
I've suffered depression and anxiety/social anxiety since about 10 years old. I am now 30 and my life is a mess. I've just starting seeing a psychologist that for the first time I feel like I might get some help from.
So my story. At age 5 our house was destroyed in a fire that for some reason I thought I caused because I dropped something in the stove top some time before. It had nothing to do with it, the stove top was left on accidentally by my mum. This lead to a messy divorce of my parents. For some reason I thought it was all my fault. Few years ago my auntie told me I didn't speak for 2 weeks after the fire. I didn't know that I went mute after the fire.
During the divorce my mum moved us interstate. It wasn't till we moved back to the house at age 10 that was burnt then rebuilt. That it all hit me. I went from being a popular happy kid that was friends with everyone, to a kid that sat by myself at school and couldn't make friends. I suffered extreme depression on and off since, almost leading to suicide a few times.
Another thing is I had a catastrophic injury to both my hands 5 years ago which has changed my life completely. I worked in construction but cant now. Tried driving trucks but too painful after a while. So now I haven't worked in a long time. But funny thing is the developmental trauma is the thing that's effected me most. I'm supposed to marry my girlfriend of 11 years soon and I think I'm trying to push her away almost to hurt myself and its killing me inside hurting her. My life is a mess. I sit at home and do nothing. I dont even do house work now. I just cant get medicated enough to stop the depression. Took myself off meds because it dulled me down so much. Just flat all the time.
Anyway that's my story. I wanted to ask if anyone has had developmental trauma that's effected their life and actually gotten over it and their life has improved? I know its not a simple thing but just wondering if life can get better after addressing the problem.
Thankyou so much for reading.
Last edited by seabreezeblue on Wed Apr 15, 2015 9:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: added trigger warning to title.. no further issues.
adzoh
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