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my 3yo does not speak at day care

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my 3yo does not speak at day care

Postby DangG » Tue Mar 04, 2014 12:35 pm

disclaimer: sry mods if this is not allowed in this forum, its seems to be the closest condition that my kid is sufering, please move to other forum if you think i could get better replies, thanks.


(sry for long post. im going to try to give the most insightful info)

hello

im new here, i took some time reading other threads in order to see some similarities but i guess all children are different so id like to express my near 3yo problems:

me and his mother broke up when he was 6 moths old, and after that she took him to nursery for the next 3 months.

After moving to other city he only went to daycare after and 1 year, so by time he was almost 2yo he started going to a new community nursery complex. At the begining he had a hard accommodation there, but after 4months time when we first attend a meeting regarding his development the daycare manager told us he had never said a word, never smiled, never shows feelings, rarely responds to others calling him and only like to play alone.

Also the manager said it was too soon to draw conclusions and we should wait. By this time he already spoke several words and was totally able to formulate small sentences, and play happy with other family people he had more contact and confidence. He was a total different person at the nursery. We also noticed that in situation we were in public parks having fun, as soon as another kids showed up we would 'freeze' and stop playing like he was, stopped laughing, and stood very quiet observing and staring into nothing.

After a second meeting after another 4 months the daycare manger told us to make a ear check to see if was earning ok, we did, and the doctor his ears were totality ok. She also said he had developed on some levels but has no significant changes on the matters she previously appointed.

After this he was moved to the 2yo room, with another daycare manager, and on the 1st meeting after the usual 3-4 months she had noticed the same paterns her coleage did. Althought she mentioned stuff in a more positive way and told that my kid developed group activities in a proper manner, he just didnt seek others to play, always playing alone, does not smile, and only speaks with her and s not much.

After another 4 months, yesterday the mother went to a 2nd meeting only to ear the same very things again, when asked for what to do she said she didnt know, but it could be good if we ended some of his vicious behaviours, and suggested hiding his daily toys that he takes to daycare from home (same toys that he gets attached from time to time and refuse to leave them), because there he only plays with hose toys on playing time, and alone.

By now my kid about to make 3yo, goes to this nursery since January 2013, and his development in terms of interacting with other has never develop much, while at home and lets say 'more comfortable' venues he likes to play and laugh a lot, even with my friends and their kids (some are older) he interacts, but me or mom are always there. With other family member its the same, hes very comfortable playing, as long as there is not too much unknown people in the environment and surroundings.

The community is relatively small, and the country we live in, the psychology science is very 'delayed' in some terms, people are very traditional here, so in my opinion they are neglecting a problem, several times we were told to wait and see, this is just pathetic, my son goes there for more than a year, 8 hours a day, that sums more than 1500 hours, what are we exactly waiting for?

My biggest concern is that the mother is avoiding going to doctors in order to get a evaluation based on the assumption that we were told by daycare and friends he did not had autism "cause autism implies x and y patterns, blah, blah". Theres the common mentioning of other examples that had same issues and all of a sudden start talking at 1st grade, and other nonsense comparisons.

I need to convince the mother to see doctors specialist on his area, advice me please.
DangG
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Re: my 3yo does not speak at day care

Postby tallis » Wed Mar 05, 2014 5:35 pm

Hi DangG,
I can feel your worry through your post and am sorry that you are dealing with this.
Here are my thoughts, and they are only thoughts as I am no expert!
Your child is ABLE to speak/act/play/respond "normally" when they are comfortable. I would think that if it were autistic behavior it would be pretty balanced. From what you described it sounds like you are on the right track with selective mutism. If it is selective mutism, this is an anxiety based disorder. (unfamiliar setting/people would definitely contribute)
I'm not sure what country you live in, but I'd be worried too if my kid hadn't spoken the entire time they were at nursery and the providers didn't see it as a problem.
I would not recommend taking his toys away. They are his comfort and familiarity, I think losing them would make him more anxious and not likely to help the situation. Talk to the teachers, see if any know anything about selective mutism. Patience and acceptance are key IF it is this. Forcing, bribing, cajoling, will not work. It's not a matter of won't , but can't.
Is your kid anxious in other ways? Do they have issues with sensory things? Do they get overwhelmed easily on their own turf?
I don't have an answer. But I CAN tell you, I dealt with selective mutism in my childhood for several years, it was not addressed (back in the day) and I came out of it. All is not lost. Patience. lots of it. and building up esteem. And NO PRESSURE. stay strong.
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Re: my 3yo does not speak at day care

Postby DangG » Tue Mar 18, 2014 11:43 am

what are the potential questions i need to ask to the nursery caregivers that were in charge of him? in order to give the professional a good array of info?
DangG
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Re: my 3yo does not speak at day care

Postby Distant1 » Mon Mar 30, 2015 8:51 pm

I see that this is an old post from last year. Give us an update on where you been since this.

I can tell you that your story is a carbon copy of my 5 year old daughters history. In April of 2014 she went completely mute and we blame the lack of education on our part and everyone around us. Please let me help with any advise I can if your still around. There is a lot you should be doing right now while he/she's young.
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