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SAD not a mood disorder?

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SAD not a mood disorder?

Postby niva » Tue Jan 04, 2022 4:53 pm

Hi there,

I have a severe form of SAD that, unmedicated, leaves me in an unresponsive, almost catatonic state (i.e. I never needed a diaper, thankfully). Wellbutrin was a 100% cure for about 7 years but it stopped working, though at my worst now I'm still responsive, just with a delay. So not a serotonin condition at all! Serotonin medications never helped. It also starts in December and is worst in March, which is not typical. Light box didn't help.

The depression I experience in a numb/zombie kind, not a sad/emotional one. Any negative emotions would be secondary, like feeling guilty for making loved ones worry, so as long as I'm gentle with myself there are actually no primary emotions. It just feels like my brain hibernates. I have anhedonia. I can't/don't think, it takes a while for me to comprehend words and it takes a while for me to be able to think of and say a response. Because my brain isn't working it struggles to tell my body to move, so rolling over when I'm uncomfortable doesn't happen; I just remain motionless and in pain, trying to will myself to move. I bump into doorways and walls because all my mental energy is going into making my legs move. I 'wake up' repeatedly when outside walking (I try to get outside everyday no matter what) and have no idea where I am. My mouth hangs open. I can be fine sitting motionless, staring blankly, thinking nothing, for very long periods of time. In April or the end of March there is a huge burst of motivation and excitement and energy, a hypomanic state for a few days to a week.

Do others here experience SAD as a hibernation of the brain instead of a depression with feelings of sadness, hopelessness, etc?
niva
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Re: SAD not a mood disorder?

Postby Snaga » Wed Jan 05, 2022 5:12 am

niva wrote:I 'wake up' repeatedly when outside walking (I try to get outside everyday no matter what) and have no idea where I am.


I wonder if this has more to do with the time of year, and certain alts in your system? Than the actual winter/short days?
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Re: SAD not a mood disorder?

Postby niva » Sun Feb 06, 2022 10:02 pm

I suppose it's possible, but it would be one I never met/don't know about. Everybody else integrated. It doesn't feel like a PTSD/DID thing though. There are no voices or emotions or sense that somebody else is living for me while I can't. It's just me fading away with nobody taking over.. There's no stress/overwhelm. It's more like underwhelm. It might look similar to a dissociative freeze response but that type of dissociation is always a way of shutting down to cope with/avoid stress. This is more like having nothing in me, like having no energy to be stressed in the first place.
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