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boyfriend of a year has depression and s.a.d. wants to be si

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boyfriend of a year has depression and s.a.d. wants to be si

Postby lonley21 » Fri Mar 14, 2014 3:16 pm

Im a 43 year female and been seeing a 36 year old male ( he suffers with S.A.D. and struggles with his emotions ..been going out for a year everything’s has been great with the relationship, but we are an hour away from each other, we have been seeing each other mainly every 2 weeks but sometimes it was ¾ weeks due to life getting in the way iv always tried to understand. He doesn’t work right now but has been trying to get work.
Yesterday, 1 day before our year anniversary he decides to say he wants to be single, but cant give me an explanation at all, he cares about me, wud kill for me, wants to be with me. Doesn’t want to lose me or couldn’t bare to see me with anyone else..but he doesn’t think its an idea we should be together due to he’s not in a position to be going out with anyone.
its too much pressure ( but doesn’t explain what pressure). Cause he has a billion things etc.. doesn’t think its equal in feeling etc..he says there’s no one else and he hasn’t gone off me, but doesn’t think its fare but he contradicts himself constantly with no real reason that he want to be single, he doesn’t think things will get better and even if he worked it wud be worse due to more hours.. he repeats saying he has nothing to give feelings wise but i ask is it cause he has no feeling for me, he says no he has strong feeling for me.i said he just wants to scrumple me up and throw me away by dumping me, he said im not doing that. I said but that’s what ur doing.
he said im just saying i don’t see a future in it, well for the majority of 2014 anyway while he sorts out things.. he repeats over and over iv got nothing to give, iv got nothing left to give, he says he cares about me and im cool we get on etc but he says im just in no situation to be with anyone..its not that i want to throw it away, iv just got nothing left to give, what u want i can’t give u that???Feelings and stuff..when i ask what feelings he has for me he struggles saying i care about u, of course i have got feelings for u, good ones, the good kind, i like you but struggles with saying any more, yet he says he wud hate it if i was with someone else and wud kill for me. He says he not pushing me out of his life, but he is. And doesn’t want to be in any relationship at all.. and says over and over im not going anywhere.
I’m so confused and put a year into this relationship and my heart and soul is with him even with his faults, but so confused in on hand he doesn’t seem to want to lose me but he’s dumping me.??
Please help me ...i don’t know what to do..
p.s. he also dumped me in oct similar reasons but blamed it on S.A.D. and wen we spoke 4 days latter seamed to understand me and we were ok again, but i don’t think it helps he was drinking a lot at the time also and this time was the same he had drunk a lot of alcohol.
I dont believe hes an alcoholic but wen he does drink it doesn't help.. doesent blame it on sad him self iv just seen patterns so i believe wen he gets stressed worried hes gonna loose his flat or have money for food etc..he drinks it doesn't help and he pushes me away thinking hes not good enough and im having to put up with a lot which isnt fare.. i love him so much, and now my depression is reaLLY BAD feel i have nothing left. All i ever wanted was someone special and loving in my life and aq chance of a child and everything is disappearing. HELP PLZ
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Re: boyfriend of a year has depression and s.a.d. wants to be si

Postby Echinacea » Fri Jun 26, 2015 3:28 pm

Hi Lonely21,
Reading your post hit me like you was telling my story.
this is what just happened to me January 2015....the same words , the same lack of reasons, the same callus cold .."i want to be single" to much stress etc...i cant cope with this situation , work , mother and girl friend, to much stress.

i m also flabbergasted, i know exactly what your feeling, I have become to realize with my ex , that when he says something, i take with a pinch of salt now , coz in a day or two he also contradicts himself, and im back to square one.

i hope you will get the advice you seek ....im here waiting with you
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Re: boyfriend of a year has depression and s.a.d. wants to be si

Postby Ayudame911 » Fri Feb 17, 2017 10:08 pm

Hello, I also can relate to your situation. I have been dating someone with this disorder and it has been very challenging at times and still is. During the summer months, everything is great but in winter time is not. I feel like I am walking on egg shells and waiting for that day when he is going to tell me that he has no feeling, he can't connect with anything or anyone. He is moody and has no energy, he gains a lot of weight and he is not happy about anything in his life. I love him very much and I try to be always positive and happy for him but sometimes is hard for me to pretend that everything is ok when is not. I have bad days too but I don't talk about them, I keep all the hard situations to myself or I share them with friends.
I know this is not going to change and I am not sure I can keep doing this, I try very hard but he is not interested in doing things that might help with the situation. I know I can't take this personally but is hard not to when you are trying everything and he sometimes does not even answers me a question.
Sometimes I think he needs a stronger person, a better person than me, someone who is less emotions or someone with thicker skin?
Anyway, I just wanted to let know that you are not alone. I am sure that lots of man and woman go through this same situation. I do not expect things to change with him so I guess I have to make decisions because I can see how this is affecting me as well. I am not the same happy person anymore and I don't even go out or socialize because he never wants to be part of it but yet questions my friendships. Never once he has wanted to come out, meet my friends, coworkers or do anything that I might be interested in, it's always been what he wants or likes. Maybe it should no be this way either but because I do not want him to be upset, I stopped asking him to come out with me for events at work or family events.
Maybe someone out there can tell me if this is the way it is or if I am just not getting it?
Thank you everyone, I guess we all have to do what makes us happy even if that means moving on...
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