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21m, misdxd with bipolar and ptsd?

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21m, misdxd with bipolar and ptsd?

Postby nextdensity » Fri Nov 29, 2019 7:16 am

my parents both have psychotic siblings, my father's brother is bipolar, i was going with my current diagnoses of bipolar, ptsd, gad, etc? but i think something is wrong, the medications don't work and make things worse actually, and my social anxiety gets worse every year, but no one's advice about social anxiety helps me, i dropped out of school and can't hold a job, barely go anywhere anymore cus i work online. there's one whole entire person on this planet that i trust more than 50% of the time.

it's very hard to explain what's going on, to people, because i was ignored a lot as a kid so it just feels wrong to say that something is wrong, and it's hard for me to explain things in general especially when it's in person. i can't explain the things i truly think because i am afraid that someone will hear and come for me. so i never manage to do it right and i think that when i say i am scared of random strangers noticing me and then hurting me, my doctor thought it was ptsd from my childhood, instead of maybe me having stpd.

someone i know who is relatable to me in mental illness just got diagnosed with it, around the time i learned i have an uncle i didn't know about with schizotypal and he is also very relatable to me like that, i think it must be a sign

i have been described by everyone as eccentric and chaotic always but i had a weird upbringing so i chalked it up to people having a too narrow idea of normal. isolation has been a constant theme in my life and it is both a comfort and a curse. i want to find and relate to people but i am constantly, constantly afraid
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